Yahoo! Answers

You and your baby dozing off together:  The image is adorable, but co-sleeping, or sharing your bed with an infant, is often frowned upon in Western cultures.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warn parents not to put their infants to sleep in adult beds, arguing that the practice puts babies at risk of strangulation and suffocation. According to the CPSC, at least 515 infant deaths between January 1990 and December 1997 were linked to children sleeping in adult beds.

Despite the risks, many new studies showcase the advantages to co-sleeping, and the practice seems to be a rising trend. In his book on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, pediatrician William Sears cites co-sleeping as a proactive measure that parents can take to reduce the risk of death in infants. Sears stresses that co-sleeping babies learn to imitate healthy breathing patterns and spend less time in a state of deep sleep, in which the risk of apneas increases. In Japan co-sleeping is the cultural norm, and rates of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome are among the lowest in the world. Harvard psychiatrist Michael Commons and Notre Dame anthropologist James McKenna state that babies who sleep alone are more susceptible to stress disorders.

Three years ago, users on Yahoo! Answers France initiated a question about where babies should spend the night (hyperlink http://fr.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080316081500AA0tiRr), and the question remains popular on Yahoo! Answers globally. Especially heartwarming, I thought, is the latest discussion in Australia, dating back three months. I also found great advice from our Malaysian Answers community.

As with most controversial topics, there are convincing studies to support either side of the debate.  The important thing is to find the right decision for you and not to be intimated by advice of those who hold opposing viewpoints.  Remember, co-sleeping is not for everyone, and all experts agree that anyone sharing a bed with an infant should apply the following safety tips:

•   Never smoke in the room where your infant sleeps.
•   Do not take any drugs or alcohol that can affect your sleep.
•   Do not share an adult bed with more than one child at a time.
•   Never leave your infant alone in an adult bed.

If you are a parent who has shared the bed with your infant and you want to transition him or her to the crib, there is a great discussion on Answers India that can guide you on this process.

Lastly, I thought it would be fun to take a poll and see what those of you reading the blog have decided.

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A year ago, during the third day of my unimaginably long labor, I truly wondered whether I would survive to see this day: my daughter’s first birthday.

As the nurse finally wrapped that tiny, helpless newborn in a blanket and handed her off to us, we watched her leave with a sigh, worrying how we were going to help this little creature transition into a moving and exploring person. As if the nurse had read my mind, she turned around to say, “Don’t worry, motherhood is natural. You will figure it out. Human beings have been doing this since the cave ages.”

Yes, true, but didn’t cave people have family around to help? And could we really assume that human beings have been parenting correctly for millions of years? Wouldn’t bad parenting explain a lot of evil behavior in the world? What if we fail in disciplining our child, what if we are not good role models, and, worst of all, what if we cannot get this whole breastfeeding thing right or we manage to overfeed her via the bottle? What if we drop her during her bath? What if…

My OB/GYN stopped by to stress the importance of having my mother around to help when I arrived home. When I told her this was not possible, she replied, “Then find a support system somewhere,” and wrote down the names of support groups. I saw a bunch of parenting groups, many hosted on Yahoo! Groups and it hit me, my husband and I had access to a resource our parents did not have access to: online communities.

For more than a decade we have benefited from a number of online tools, beginning in 1978 with bulletin board systems (BBSs), with their dial-up modems and flashing lights, evolving into Usenet newsgroups and all of the alt.* discussion forums, then into Majordomo mailing lists, and finally into user-friendly online communities such as Yahoo! Answers and Yahoo! Groups, full of fun and rich features.

Whenever I post a question, the Answers community is up front and honest (sometimes a little bit too honest). But it is nice to be reminded that we are not the only ones battling different challenges in parenthood. I would like to take a moment to thank all those parents out there who have contributed to the Parenting category on Answers.

So join the conversation,  “What was the most useful piece of Parenting advice you ever received, and would you give that same advice to future parents?

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My daughter has one of those sweet innocent smiles that can fool anyone. As we stroll through the park she waves a friendly nod to every person who gives her the time of the day, and as I put her down on the playground she excitedly runs toward the other children (particularly those older than her) and invites them to play.

The other parents approach us with a friendly smile and begin to explain to their kids how fragile and young my daughter is and how they should be careful when playing with her as she is still a baby (11 months old). But, before they can finish their sentences, my daughter has begun some of her usual mischief, which includes pulling the hair of the older baby, exploring their face, trying to touch their toy, or helping herself to whatever snack they are eating.

You can imagine my embarrassment as I pull her hand down, apologize to the older baby and her/his parent, and in a calm voice try to explain to my daughter that this behavior is not acceptable, while she cries with rage and points at the other child and her toy/snack.

Luckily, so far the other parents and children have treated us graciously and have forgiven my daughter’s tantrums, probably because they have dealt with it themselves when their children were that age. According to many experts, children under the age of 3 are too young to undergo formal discipline measures such as time-outs. However, an incident in the library the other day made me think again about the importance of good parenting and providing discipline both to your child and ourselves!

During a Mommy and me story time at our local library, I noticed a cute little 9-month-old baby girl who liked to offer her hand to everyone for kissing–a real princess. She made the rounds in our circle to a little 3-year-old boy, nicely dressed, charming and adorable. Then, the boy bit the hand of the 9-month-old instead of kissing it. The girl started to cry and the boy’s mother was silent and offered no apology, though she did look genuinely concerned about both kids.

The girl’s mother started to yell at the boy’s mom in front of everyone, telling her she should not be taking her uncivilized boy out in public and the other woman fired back at her while the rest of us sat in silence and shock. I felt bad for both mothers (perhaps a little bit more for the one who got yelled at) but wondered why she wasn’t offering an apology or teaching her son that this biting was not OK? Then on the other hand, the little girl’s mom should have perhaps been more careful about who her daughter is offering her hand to for kisses and watched her a bit more closely.

Judging from several conversations/threads on Yahoo! Answers:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiA_ZVxM1XalOvBZdrJ2Zu0jzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20070308095247AASY1N5

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqehgvYRmgMCAl9k81FFGC0jzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090925084702AA36y0N

I am not the only parent struggling with the question on how and when one should begin to discipline a child. Please join the conversation and let us know what you deem as the age appropriate for disciplining a baby.

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Hi Guys:

By now you’ve had a chance to get to know me — yes, the woman who loves Belgian chocolate, ponders about gender studies, lovingly calls the Delicious community “geeks,” and joins all kinds of twisted Yahoo! Groups. But I’d like to share something even more personal here — and ask your opinion on what to do.

Every morning, I wake up with a smile and sigh, because I could really use another hour of sleep, but my daughter’s “cooing” is just too adorable to ignore. Our family has a pretty regular routine down:

• The baby wakes us up
• My husband and I argue about whose turn it is to get up, even though we both know it will be me
• I breastfeed and then bring the adorable bundle of joy to her father so they can have their bonding moment as well, which is — you guessed it — getting her diaper changed. (Who said life isn’t fair?)

We try to have breakfast as a family, but that usually collides with some phone calls with our European offices, my daughter insisting that she can eat by herself and throwing rice cereal all over our brand new sofa (thank God for IKEA), and my husband remembering he forgot to iron his shirt while texting one of his customers on his BlackBerry.

Usually a moment of calm and peace reappears when our nanny enters our apartment, but this time she is late, and when she finally arrives, she has some news to share: “I am going back to school full time, and this will be my last week.”

We are absolutely thrilled for her, but where are we going to find a new nanny on such short notice? As I drive to work and try to recall all the places I posted an ad last time, I wonder whether it’s time to finally consider placing our daughter in daycare so she can be in a more social environment. She is only 9 months old and truly enjoys the personal attention she gets, but nannies are expensive and hard to find.

Luckily for me, you guys already had a conversation about this on Yahoo! Answers.

That said, I figured you wouldn’t mind dropping me a few comments on the topic. Ask Mike has all the answers, so I figured you wouldn’t be too bothered with me asking a question.

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