Opposites Attract?
“I take 2 steps forward, I take 2 steps back. We come together, because opposites attract.” Like the lyrics to the Paula Abdul song say opposites attract. It’s a common cliché, but is this really true? Can two different people attract and stay attracted?
We’ve all had those moments where we met someone so different from us that we both felt intrigued or perhaps attracted to them. But when their type B and your type A, can your differing perspectives actually make you both “click?” Your relationship might work temporarily, but in the long term probably not. According to a study in the Daily Mail, opposites definitely do NOT attract. Researchers from the University of California at Berkeley claim “like is drawn towards like. Individuals on the dating market will assess their own self-worth and select partners whose social desirability approximately equals their own.”
The idea of opposites attracting is a romantic notion we like to believe, but most of us don’t apply it to our own real lives. Maybe the reason we think we want someone different from us is because we think it would be boring to be married to our “twin.” But, in the long term we realize that someone with similar values validates our feelings and views and gives us the feeling of being understood and secure.
What do you think? Can opposites stay attracted? Please leave a comment below.
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I think that for a while that will work, but if you don’t have common interests, how will you stay together?
Definitely Yes! I have been married to a people person for almost 55 years. He loves the public, sports, banquets, etc. I HATE it all. I am a very private person. I enjoy reading, TV, a movie now and then, and getting together with close friends. This has never been a problem.
Couldn’t agree more. My hubby and I are as different as night and day on so many levels. It’s truly a remarkable thing that we’re still together! We both have to really put forth sincere effort to make it work and have asked for God to help us.
nope. there has to be at least one common interest they’re both passionate about, which draws them together. or at least, that’s how it is for me. if a guy is into the same eccentric music as me then i’m instantly hooked
Only if they’re different in the same way.
I was married to the most beautiful woman ever when I was 35. She was 20. We were miles apart on so many things including politics. Still we had our love. I loved to cook she loved to bake. I was in the military. Her family hated the military and the government in general. We still had our love of each other. I was a church goer. She was not religious. Just ” spiritual”. We still had our love. She passed away early last year from complications to Leukemia. I was with her every day through her treatment. I was called back to duty with the Navy after she had a bone marrow transplant and was finished with her treatment. She begged me to take the assignment and go. I was a Navy SEAL operator. I went on my mission to Afghanistan. She died while I was away. I awoke the night she died. I head her speaking to me in a dream. She was saying to me ” I am OK sweetheart”. I didn’t know for three months that she had gone from this world. I still miss her, but I know she is alright. We had a great love. A great life together.
there were no to people more oposite than my self and my wife I am an extrovert she an intravert very shy still is “but” we have been happiley married for thirty six years we get on brilliantley she never tires of my stupid humour.
We are living proof that opposites attrack and indeed can remain together happily.
We are looking forward to our 47th anniversary together this year.
Yes, we still remain opposites in our likes and dislikes but have learned to accept one another’s differences.
As a result we have learned to cherish our differences for keeping everyday together as surprising, interesting, and rewarding. An adventure through life together for keeping it exciting.
I think that what attracts people is different for everyone. For me – I’m not into opposite. I mean, you will always have some differences – that’s what makes a relationship interesting. But for instance, my fiance and I have a lot of common interests. Having that common ground has made our relationship even stronger and we love that we match on so many levels. Though for some people, the intrigue of dating someone that is not like them is so fascinating that the bond they carry could be long lasting. Ultimately, I think there has to be some commonalities to go the long term – typically they’re the fundamentals (thoughts on money, children, etc). Extracurricular activities can go either way.
Yes, I think it can definitely be true when it come so to personalities. Me and my fiance have been together for 5 years and hes a people person. He can walk into a store and people just flock to him, after 5 years I’m still trying to figure out how he does this! Lol But anyway, I’m more of a quiet type. I can start a conversation and talk for few minutes but after that I’m done. But the one thing we do have is common interest and when it comes to that No, I don’t think a relationship will last. We both like to do very similar things. I think if you don’t have common interest in something it will last for a little while, but after a couple of months it will become old and irritating not being able to share things with eachother.
I would say that if you have some opposing qualities then yes you will be attracted, however if you have all opposing views on everything there can be no love.
It`s more like `opposites attack` !
It depends on the couple and quality of the relationship. If both parties are respectful of each other and compromise with acceptance in regards to both parties wants and needs, there is no problem. On the other hand, opposites are contradictory and can cause serious personal issues such as frustration and anger. In turn, it will lead to poor communication and lack of trust Real relationships are based on respect, compatibility and intelligence
They might be attracted at first, but that changes over time. Like the song says “I don’t like cigarettes and he likes to smoke” or I am neat and my other is a slob.
Big differences lead to big arguments and big hassles. I am 55 years old and all ready learned that lesson about how opposites attracts at first and then break down into a massive fiasco within months. Or that was how it worked for me. Feel free to run your own personal experiment for yourself. Good luck.
There’s no rules to love.
I am an introvert and my boyfriend is as outgoing as they come. I like to have things carefully planned out, and he likes to do things on a whim. Our differences are what attracted us to each other in the first place — we were exciting and new to each other. However, once that faded, we found each other getting annoyed at each others differences. But, we are working on it because we love each other and want to be together despite our differences. It might be harder than a relationship were both people are similar, but the greater the hardships, the greater the rewards are as well.
So what about opposite sexes then? (haha, joking)
Personally, I think opposites can attract, it just depends on what’s opposite about a particular person, if they can deal with that, other basic factors that contribute to having a good relationship, etc. After all, I doubt very many people would be the exact same or the exact opposite to another, and different people like different things, a person may like a quality in a partner that isn’t similar to themselves, it’s not that impossible.
I don’t think opposites attract. I think like people attract but those differences here and there are what makes them individual and intriguing. It’d be boring to have someone exactly like you because you’d know everything already.
Having common interests does add to the enjoyment of a relationship; it provides conversation and an outlet of social dysfunctions and I am quite sure many businesses came about because of common interests. Focusing on ages, I would say that interests can develop because of not having a clear idea as to what path you would like to follow. Basically the younger the more inclined to develop interest in a mates career path or hobby.
YES… Opposites attract!!! I am a living witness that its TRUE!
I have been married to my “soul mate” for 30 years and he still makes my heart flutter when I see him! I am convinced that opposite personalities “balance” relationships.
I am the extrovert or social butterfly and he is more of the introvert. A lot of his strenghts are my weaknesses and vice-versa. We are looking forward to at least 30 more years together!
Definitely, NO. They CAN’T attract, but one can serve as a life support system for a you-know what while the other looks around for something better. W/out telling the other person that until AFTER he found the “better prospect.”
That’s the last time I ever date a doctor. Everybody thinks they’re exalted to some plateau beyond reasonable, NORMal people, and it just isn’t true.
They’re just like every other man, only with a larger vocabulary.
I think opposites attract temporarily. This is why the divorce rate is so high.
YES. My boyfriend and I are two different people. We like different things, and we still are happily taken together. We still manage to make it work. It doesnt always work out for some people, but opposites can attract.
Yes, opposites do attract.
And will do so indeffinatelly.
But, sometimes…if and when they touch.
They have a funny way of canceling each other out!
So, don’t go past the point of no return.
d;o)
Scientific work with fruit flies and other species have shown they tend to mate neither with a partner who is genetically very similar, nor genetically very different, but somewhere in between. Humans are attracted by the smell of someone with a different immune system (the whole point of sexual reproduction is to increase genetic diversity, particularly of the immune system, since our largest threat to survival is disease). However, large genetic differences between couples tend to result in infertility.
Clearly, as with most “anecdotes,” most “sayings,” most stories and fantasies, and most realities, both/all versions can be, and in fact are true.
I agree that we all desire the feeling of being secure, and of being with someone who nurtures and supposts our sense of self-worth, but without over-inflating it. Having similar core moral values, and so forth, seems to be a requirement, for a relationship to develop into the mature, non co-dependent stage. And I agree that having at least one important, common, interest will help provide a way to spend quality time together.
But beyond that, people who are with their “twins,” as it were, can often become either complacent, or else just “fly off into space.” If we wish to explore in this life such issues as what we are about, what we ought to do to help ourselves, how we can heal others, and so forth; this is where the trus value of opposites is found. But it takes phonomenal effort and patience to develop a level of acceptance where there is still that “merging,” so to speak – where opposing view become both a part of the whole. The benefit, if this can be acheived, even partially, is that we each now own a magical mirror! Whenever we fall into a situation where we have lost our perspective, we no longer have secure footing in the world; it is this person, not the other, who shows us the way. This is because, in a mature relationship as this, with acceptance, non-judgement, non-bias, and unconditional love, the other person will show you, when it would otherwise be unclear, who you really are, and help you down your path, EVEN THOUGH it may, at such a time, differ from his/her own.
Not everyone can or wishes to make the sacrifices needed here. But for those who do, they often find that their personal potential extends far beyond what was ever imagined.
D
There are two possible, opposite answers to this question: ‘Yes’ and ‘No.’
If opposites attract, then ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ will attract each other and the answer will be ‘Yes and No.’ If they repel each other, the answer will be ‘No.’
Opposites can attract if they have something in common and often they do not realize what they have in common. But they need to respect the oither’s difference and get free of the image they had of the ‘ideal partner’ who does everythign with them, then it can work. And in many cases the circles of friends will also not get along so well if they are very different, which again requires a lot of tolerance and willingness to leave the other one his space in a relationship.
It’s ideal for keeping things interesting longer but ONLY if both people are similar enough in their expectations of a relationship. If one of you is really needy/clingy and the other a free spirit – it grounds for a lot of frustration and hurt when the honeymoon wears off. But if you guys are opposites in all areas but BOTH of you like and appreciate a healthy amount of space (so that you an both continue to be yourselves) – then it works very well. Often, however, one person starts trying to change the other. That is no bueno.
sheesh, that elementary their/they’re error is seriously vexing me.
that said, i really liked your comment, peter pierce. heartrending.
This shouldn’t even be a question. If you have a understanding of communications, psychology and relationships between humans in their respective fields, opposites attracting isn’t that rare and happens all the time…The answer is obviously yes.
Well, I say that opposites can attract for a certain time period. However, there can’t be a big difference between the two. They should hold common religious and political beliefs. For example, if a hardcore christian fell in love with an atheist, how would they raise the children if they decide for any? What belief would the children be brought up in to? How would the Christian celebrate Christmas with her atheist partner. seems very difficult to me.
Perhaps politics aren’t all that relevant in this subject. But what if a conservative married a liberal? Ha, the two parties have been geared against each other for quite some time now.
Yeah 100% possible. I’ve seen literally hundreds and hundreds of men going out with women, how different can two people get?
No, no, it goes:
I take 2 steps forward, I take 2 steps back. We come together, because I’m dressed like a cat.
I think opposites do attract at all. Not because you are two different person with different preferences doesn’t mean you are not going to have a common ground. Sometimes it’s nice that you know something and share it to your partner so he is interested, and if he knows about a certain topic you’ll be interested to talk and discuss it over a cup of coffee. If you both know about the topic how could it become more interesting life could be boring because you are always going to think for more topic to talk about. And yes truly I agree that opposite attracts. That is the reason why I never have a boyfriend who share the same work like I have. ;D
Sounds like our dancing – he has a large stride and I have a small one and we end up on opposite sides of the room! I love dancing and music, he likes quiet and is shy of that. I am more religious in the sense of researching things, he doesn’t research anything but lives by good works and giving of thanks regardless of the nitty gritty of which is the right church etc. I think in all he is good for me as he keeps us on a level keel and I am good for him in getting him out of himself once in a while.
Well me and my xgirlfriend very different races and all, my xwife was about as different from me as night and day, i was in the marines she was from a rich family, and now my current one shes different as well, never met a girl similar to me and if i did i prob thought she was boring, i like girls that have different taste than me so i can learn new things, of course u need an open mind which i have, so it works for me, but what works for u might be different see ya!
I believe you can, my boyfriend and i are completely opposites…he likes to go out and spend money..i like to sit inside and read. i like reality t.v he likes family guy. I drive fords and only will touch a ford meanwhile he will only drive chevys. Were even opposite on the schedules we work i work 8 am to 4:30 he works 6 pm to 6 am…were different in many ways..but i never love someone so much we have been together 3 years and honestly its nice not having someone to agree with you all the time…it is like you become robots when you like the same thing. The key is to compormise.
See, it’s but natural that opposite attract…but it doesn’t mean that opposite attract for 24*7 !! they attract to fulfil some physical desires for a limited time.
So it’s very true that opposite attract. But it’s a myth that opposite attract for ever and in all manners.
We can understand it by this example that ” Love is life is false but Love is a basic part of life is very true”.
No, when it comes to fundamentals like atheism, reproduction and such things I NEED someone with a similar outlook.
no way around it
My Husband and me are different people, we are totally ok with each other!
no. when one person is loud and obnoxiious, they will annoy the “wannabe nerd” quiet im so smart and your annoying type.calm and cool deserves a slap in the face. boring.no fun
I don’t know that there really are any true opposites, but I’ll not be picky with the semantics. What I have seen, especially in my parents marriage, is that people from vastly different backgrounds and with equaly different world-views and such, can have a very happy marriage, as long as there is mutual respect, absolute mutual respect. The concept of “agreeing to disagree”, and to do so amicably, is vital. Though Mom and Dad certainly disagreed on a great many subjects, I never once saw them fight, or even argue. They would have long, debating discussions, during which each went in-depth on their viewpoint. They would even do research, to clear up some hazy historical matter.
I learned a great deal from this, and to this day(age 36), I still never argue with those who have different opinions from myself, nor attempt to change others to fit my views. Diversity is one of our World’s wonders. Combined with complete respect, it makes for stimulating and long-rewarding relationships.