Ask Mike: How much for a wedding gift?
Hey Guys,
Wedding season is here. And that means gifts. Lots and lots of gifts. But how much (or how little) are you supposed to spend? Don’t get guilt-tripped into dropping $200 on a deluxe fondue set for your second cousin once removed — read on for the skinny on what to spend.
Not trusting myself to give tips on etiquette, I went to the experts over at The Knot, a site that specializes in all things nuptial. Their rule of thumb — no matter what, don’t drop less than $50 on a gift. It’s bad form. If the person is a coworker or relative you aren’t close to, aim for $50 to $75. For a friend or relative, prepare to spend between $75 and $100. And for a close relative or close friend, shoot for $100 to $150.
That may sound a bit cold — putting a dollar amount on your relationship, but it’s important to remember that weddings can be very expensive, regularly going for tens of thousands dollars. The average cost of a wedding is $27,021 (not including the honeymoon). Gifts go a long way toward offsetting the big costs. Those designer napkin rings at the reception don’t grow on trees, folks.
Thanks for reading,
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I won’t spend ANY money on a gift if I don’t have
enough to keep myself alive and housed,
and I couldn’t care less what the “rule of thumb” may be.
In no case will I buy anyone a gift for any reason because I am pressured into it!
The “average” wedding would be much less costly
if people with endless supplies of money
didn’t boost it by stupidly “going all out”.
The price of a wedding gift should be proportionate to both the closeness of the relationship and one’s own resources.
If the top value mentioned is taken as appropriate
for a gift-giver with all the money they need
(In any case, at least $100,000 per year after taxes),
one may calculate a percentage of the figures listed
and spend accordingly.
$50.00 help. that is still a lot of money. but thanks for the information. i’ll probably remember that.
awful
just saying
100-200 dollars could be for the wedding gift as much prctical nowadays.
You should spend everything that you have on a wedding gift because you would want everyone to spend everything they have, even food and water. You should give up your entire life in a sacrifice of love.
have sex thats cheap
If the couple CHOOSES to spend an average of $27K on a wedding that’s THEIR problem. Half the time I think peope are “invited” just so they send a gift. There is hardly any real relationship there. But to expect a certain amount as a gift is just rude. I sometimes ignore the invitations from those I hardly know, e.g., a neighbor’s kid who I have never even met. I would have zero reason to attend the wedding and less to send a gift. What for? Friends and relatives are not a problem. People I am not connected to who add me to a list for a gift….no thanks. Scale down the wedding and make it affordable. I have no need nor desire to pay for “your special day.” Sorry.
I know for sure when i get married i want things that people have really given thought to getting , things i will actually use, not things that have a high $$$ value that i will put in the attic and forget about.
On top of this i would feel very ever so bad if anyone was to spend spend money on a luxury for me when they did not have the money to spend in the first place.
There can be too much pressure applied when buying wedding gifts, after all its supposed to be a happy day.
David O’Banion hit the jackpot. Personally – I still think people should be in training school for the ridiculous ways they are raising their own children. A pair of GEESE used to be a highly valued expensive wedding gift, now its ‘spend on it what you can do without.’ who does that? I like to be nice. accommodate my friends, but unless you make 200 a day, thats like 3 days worth of meals. Or a lot of whiskey.Be human and ask what your friend wants, not the price range. My friend just got a FIFTY DOLLAR THERMOMETER, for a baby. …what happened to the I know how to be a mom, wrist or 5.00 thermostat? You all are being sucked into money. It RUINS YOU.
Sorry Mike, but the KNOT has things all wrong. Here’s the formula:
Total up what it will cost you for a night on the town. Double it if your significant other is also attending.
That’s how much you give.
That means, if you’re a victim of the economy then a night out might mean a hot dog and soda and a little league baseball game at a local park. That’s how much you give and be happy to give that much.
If you’re in pretty good financial shape, you might go out for dinner at a locally owned restaurant and whatever blockbuster movie is showing. That’s how much you give.
If you’re well-heeled and can afford reservations at “Chez Ritz” and box seats at the opera – then you can afford to be much more generous.
But the KNOT’s idea of “bad form” is way off the mark. Sure you want to be as generous as you can be; but wedding gifts are NOT mandatory – nor should they ever be (you are an honored guest to this affair, after all – and demanding tribute is no way to treat honored guests).
What IS bad form is for your utilities to be shut off because you foolishly listened to poor advice from the internet ivory tower and spent your bill money on a wedding gift!
a wedding gift is how much your will to spend on it
50 dollars for a gift is a bit much if you ask me. Most of the gifts we got at our wedding were in the 20 to 50 range most people got us 25 or 50 dollars gift cards I think a cousin spent 35 on a forman grill my brother dropped about 20 on a towel set I don’t reember any one spending over 50 on our wedding gift and you know what I would have felt guilty taking something that was more than that. The most expensicve thing we got was a outdoor grill for 200 and 4 poeple split that cost again for 50.
In short I think 20 should be the minimum and 50 should be the most you spend as anthor poster said why am I spending 50 on someone I see once or twice a year when I need to eat.
My wedding cost about 6k not 20K+ and it was probly the best wedding I’ve been to(yes I was the groom but…) I am not saying you need to throw a rinky dink wedding for 3k or even a basic for 6k you can invite people you acutaly want there have it in a church and a catered meal after and even a dj for probly 10K you don’t need gold plated ceter pieces and 5k worth of decoration to have a nice time
Trust me no one will remeber it anyway
People remember who got married what the bride was wearing and if there was good food there maybe remeber the band dj but they don’t rember the decorations or what the rest of the wedding party was wearing
If u cannot afford an expensive wedding, Do not expext
your guests to pay for it. I have said u buy what YOU can afford.
about 50 euros. For close friends or relatives 100-150 euros.
Spent depends on economic condition.If have lot of money,can purchase a gift by any amount.If do not have enough money,buy a gift only for curtsy & cover by good packet. My advice is not spent very much & very little.Do not as much that,then re grate for that amount.Do not spent as much little that ,then u feel same
Hey Mike,
Excellent job on the article. These are the facts! Going to a wedding is the time to splurge. It is a celebration.
These people that say things like, I’m not choosing between housing & feeding myself, & giving a wedding gift, need to stay home.
Personally, I feel cash is the way to go for a wedding gift.
I’m really shocked at all of the negativity and spiteful attitudes! Yikes! You have to take into account what area of the country you are in. The majority of weddings I’ve been to are in Connecticut and New York (more city that state) and that may have something to do with my thinking about wedding gifts. I have always given what I can afford. Absolutely. If you can’t afford a gift for a wedding, then don’t go. Simple as that. I find it in poor taste and bad manners to go to a wedding without the intention of giving a gift. A wedding is not meant to be just a fun night out on someone else’s dime. If you can afford it and you would like to celebrate the beginning of the rest of a couple’s lives, then give generously. It may be your 15th wedding that year, but it’s the couple’s first. Remember how exciting that was when you were married? “Enough to cover your plate” is what I use as a standard. Roughly, $100 per guest. $200 as a couple. Again, that may be because of where I live, the types of weddings I have been to (all formal). And I only attend weddings where the bride and/or groom are close friends or family. Otherwise, I know I am being invited as a courtesy or out of obligation (we invited Jack so that means we have to invite Jill).
the cheapest way to get married these days(and becos of the econ) is at the jop!!!!!!!!
There is no formula and there is no amount that you are “supposed to give.”
According to Emily Post (much better etiquette source than the knot):
“Am I supposed to buy a gift that costs as much as what the hosts spend on each person at the wedding? No. This modern myth causes considerable anxiety for guests, but it is simply untrue. The amount you spend is strictly a matter of your budget, how close you are to the bride and groom, and what you think is an appropriate gift.”
It would devastate me to learn that a family with little means spent $100 on me when they could barely afford to spend $30. And no bride should have to worry if someone could afford to attend the wedding.
Couples choose to spend $20,000+ on their weddings. It’s not the responsibility of the guests to help them recoup that cost.
1. Where are you getting this wedding season crap from? Everyone I know got married in Winter so they could honeymoon somewhere warm.
2. What kind of weddings are you going to where you’re expected to bring a $50+ gift? I can only name one person getting married that I would drop $50 for and she’s already married.
3. Where did you get this average price for a wedding? Must be the same people who say home remodeling projects cost $10,000+ for a bathroom!
Get with the program and real Americans before you post this crap.
plenty
The reception is the couple’s show of gratitude to the guests. It’s not their responsibility to “offset the costs”.
spend as much as you can with out burning a hole in your pocket!
If they can afford 27K, then they can afford to buy whatever they want.
I hope my family doesn’t feel obligated to buy me something just so they can go to the wedding.
I usually politely decline when invited to a wedding. I’m barely scraping enough money for the bills and most of my friends are upper-middle classmen while I make minimum wage. They can afford their $10,000 weddings while I would have to give 1/10th of my paycheck to afford to buy them the freaking Egyptian cotton sheets that they have on their gift registry.
Anyway, until people start being reasonable with their gift registries, I don’t see the point of supporting their “love” with $100 gifts.
econ is my dollar is my wedding
i think 10% of a months salery is fair enough. your not tipping the waiter its your family or friends wedding and they are part of your social life and that in its self is more than 50% of why we work and live. so you hear the announcement thats when you get started on saving for and thinking about the wedding gift and take into account your attire and grooming! costing you a ferther 20%!
In this year. We like to support cash instead of wedding gifts.
Have the couples to buy whatever they need. We would like to save $50 -100 to account for the new couple.
Better 2-3 month ahead the wedding date. That will help them to organize the wedding reception under a nice budget. Search online help for wedding gift idea is always helpful. once the site is Idea Ribbon They do have many choices fro wedding decorations
you should spend more then $100 for a weding gift and if u dont that means your chep and your girl wont like u beacuse u are chep.
I’ve always attended weddings for my aunts and uncles as a kid or as a teen, so I never gift anything monetary. Instead, I take a canvas, paint something of the couple’s interest, and then have it professionally framed up. In my family, it has almost become customary for me to gift a work of art, and no one has ever complained or criticized me about it.
For the relatives I have a close relationship to, I usually paint on a 18″x20″ canvas, and for ones I don’t know very well, it’s a smaller canvas.
I haven’t had any friends get married, but I think when they do, I’ll probably do that as well. If my friends know me enough to invite me to their weddings, they know that I don’t like opening my wallet.
The gift you give should be a measure of the intimacy of the relationship and your own budget. The excuse about the cost of the wedding is absurd. If you can’t afford a $50,000 wedding then don’t throw one. The cost per plate of the reception shouldn’t be a lever to jack up the cost of wedding gifts. Weddings and the accompanying reception are meant to be a celebration of the couples union.
Long ago when I was just out of college, a friend asked me to be an usher in his wedding. The wedding was going to be semi-formal, men in suits. Later, they decided to change it to formal, which meant renting a tux. I couldn’t afford to rent a tux and get a gift, so I asked to be excused from being an usher. My friend assured me that the biggest gift that he and the bride could receive (she was also a friend of mine) would be my participation in the ceremony and not to worry about any additional gift.
That’s the true spirit in which giving and receiving should occur.
Tell The Knot to get with reality instead of the commercial bridal complex. They’re in it to make money, why would their advice on spending be valid?
“no matter what, don’t drop less than $50 on a gift. It’s bad form.”
That is bullshit advice. I have spent less on wedding gifts, when I had precious little disposable income.
If a couple is affluent enough that they’ve put designer napkin rings on their registry, I know they won’t mind if I can’t afford to buy them.
Another poster said that you shouldn’t go to a wedding, if you can’t afford a gift, which is also bad advice.
That would only apply to people you do not really know- not to weddings which require your presence.
You shouldn’t have gone to The Knot for help, you could’ve just asked on Yahoo Answers.
You give gifts from the heart, and do the best you can. << That is the advice you should be giving.
I don't mean to give you a hard time, Mike. I've enjoyed all of your other articles very much.
Well, I don’t see the point in spending over $25.00 in wedding gifts. Couples are splitting after 6 months of marriage. Why waste your hard earned money? I think guests of the bride and groom should base the amount of their wedding gift to the couple on how long they dated.Over a Year- the max.; $25.00,
Under a year- $10
6 mos. or less- $5
Never give less than $5.00- that’s just rude people!
Also, these amounts can be readjusted based on the couple’s happiness before the official ceremony.
This solution makes it where no one will instantly think of their expensive wedding present when they hear the couple already mentioning “divorce” after just 3 mos of marriage.
Moreover, for those wishing to give a little more, you can always give a “post dated” gift. Simply wait 3 months after the wedding to present your “more expensive” gift. If they are still together, they’ll probably just be needing it anyway.
Thank you for this opportunity and taking the time to read my thoughts on the matter. I greatly appreciate it!
Not less than $50 for a wedding gift.
Thank you for the answer I was wondering about. Now I will not feel cheap or way over board in spending.
It depends on whose wedding. Is it a close family member, friend or distant relative? For a distant relative or a friend who’s not that close, I would say $20 is sufficient.
I always go to the clearance department in a nice department store, like Macy’s and buy some kind of a silver dish or tray for the couple. It will usually cost around 50.00 for a 100.00+ gift.
Maureen says “If you can afford it and you would like to celebrate the beginning of the rest of a couple’s lives, then give generously.”
That’s not really your call. It’s each of the guess’s decision to make how they want or can spent their money.
You should only be inviting guess to your wedding, so they can be part of the celebration. Then be grateful they brought a gift.
The thing is…spring and summer are “wedding season” and I have been invited to 4 weddings in a 2 month period. I can’t afford 75-100 bucks a pop for each couple.
I will get them items from their registry, so they will receive gifts that can use, dollar amount is not what I will be looking at.
$50 is nothing. It equates to roughly £32, and regardless of your financial position, you’d have to be a complex miser not to spend at least double that.
Over the past couple of years my wife and I have had the opportunity to go to several weddings ranging from family and close friends to co-workers. The price of the wedding shouldn’t have anything to do with the value of the gift that one gives. As an example, one of my longest friends had a wedding where everyone went to a retreat style camp and we were forbidden to wear anything “traditional” to the ceremony. The bride and groom were in tie-dye outfits and the overall cost of the wedding was very low. That didn’t mean I should get them a gift based on the relative value of the wedding cost. I’ve also had friends that were married in a full traditional style where the cost was probably close to the $27K average and the gift we gave was on par with that of my longest friend. Our gift price ranges normally from about $75-150, but we always try to personalize the gift. The gift cost is in no way relational to the cost of the wedding.
My wife and I did most of the work (had a little help from family) and put our wedding together for about $2.5K back in the mid-90s. We never expected anyone to give gifts, nor did we have any expectations of coming out even with what we spent or received. Our wedding was meant to include our friends and family to celebrate our day, not to make money or receive gifts.
To Mike: Your first mistake was trying to get etiquette info from theknot.com. This site is great for planning, but on etiquette it’s a trainwreck.
And the answer to this is simple: It’s what you can reasonably afford, with minor adjustments for local culture and tradition. Yes, a dinner and dancing in Manhattan will likely have guests giving more than a cake and punch reception in Omaha, but you still never give more than you can afford. Wedding gifts aren’t even mandatory.
Oops, I just noticed something else. Your last paragraph is total nonsense. For one thing, nobody has a clue what the average cost of a wedding is. Lots of people are guessing, but how would someone even know this number?
Secondly, it is NOT the guests’ job to reimburse the bride and groom for the cost of the reception. If someone CHOOSES to have a $30,000 reception, then so be it.
It depends if you really love her get her something nice. Maybe around $50…nothing too expensive expecially if you think you got bills or other things around the house to pay.
I have been invited to various types of weddings inexpensive wedding to grand platnium weddings. The rule of thumb that I use is to research the venune your gift should cover the cost of the dinner that is being served so if some one has BBQ they will get a $20 – $30 gift, if they have a nice sit down dinner with entree I cant pronounce then they the price of there gift will increase to $100 – $200.
Just have sex
It’s better than buying something.
It does not always take a lot. One of the very best wedding gifts you can make is something that most never, ever, think of, and that is the simple things that a new couple most likely will not have. Make a bundle of things like this:
A set of wooden spoons
A set of measuring spoon, cups, etc
A large bottle of dish washing detergent
A large box of laundry detergent
Add other normal, living expense things. Yes, these things are simple, but they cost money, and in giving things like this, you help them off to a great start!
I recently got an invitation to the wedding of the child of someone I used to know a little in another state. The wedding is right across the country and I haven’t seen, or communicated with, these people in 15 years–not even a Christmas card. Did they really think I was going to drop $2,000 for our family to attend, or were they just fishing for a gift? Hmmm…I sent a $25 gift and regrets: I wouldn’t dream of sending anything more and frankly I think they were lucky to get what they did. Otherwise, yeah, I usually spend around $100 for something on the list of people I actually know and like, and add a small personal gift.
I am out of tune with these massively expensive, formal, etiquette-riddled weddings. They have no heart. The only thing I remember about weddings is whether the bride and groom looked at each other as if they love each other; at most very formal weddings everyone just seems stressed.
A simple rule to follow is “cover your plate”. Do a few minutes of research into the location and give approximately enough money to cover what the bride and groom are spending on you and your guest. My wedding is coming up in two months. Each guest is costing us $150. It’s rude to give anything less and I personally would be embarrassed if I didn’t cover my plate plus give more when I am a guest at a wedding.
I agree with Anna- cover your plate. If you can’t cover your plate do not attend.
from $1-$300
I think it’s so coincidental that a bride throwing themselves an expensive wedding expects guests to cover the cost of their plate. What a conundrum you put guests in. Talk about bridezilla. So really you are asking everyone to pay for your wedding? Tradition had it that the brides parents paid for the wedding. Modern times have it that the couple due to feminism having women not wanting to be “given away” by a patriarch pay for their own wedding. Is this what women will do with our liberation…shift the cost of our burden from our father’s to our guests? No, thank you! As responible liberated women you must earn the respect you clamor for and pay your own way since you demand equal treatment and whatnot.
Not to mention family. In every family there are those who are better off and those who aren’t. I personally would want every member of my family and close knit friends to attend my wedding regardless of their current financial state, therefore I would never tie their wedding gift cost to my plates since I would naturally intend to have a wedding whenever I could afford as nice one as I want. I think the wedding itself, and the support of friends and family through their presence is enough. Otherwise you have demeaned it back to a transaction once again…just instead of bride from father to husband, as food from bride and groom to guests. This ain’t a house party, it’s on a nightclub there is not cover charge for which you are the party crew. It’s a sacred event and wouldn’t you want the presence of every single important person, and wouldn’t you want every gift you opened to be something the giver gave freely even if it were only one?
Sorry, typo in my rant. I meant to say “…it’s NOT a nightclub either…”.
Not my problem if people are dumb enough to waste a bunch of cash while getting married. We were married by the justice of the peace, and did not ask anyone for anything.
If the gift is supposed of offset the cost of the wedding/reception — in many cases, shouldn’t we just be giving cash to the parents?
If you are going solo $150. Couple $300. I live in NY. Most weddings are more than $150 a head. I got married in 2002 and paid $175 per head.
Most of my friends are married but if a close friend got married I’d give $200 if I went alone and $400 if my wife came(we need babysitters). Im not rich. im unemployed but thats what id give.
For those saying that “covering your plate” is ridiculous and you should not have to pay for another person’s wedding, it’s not as if your food is the only expense. The couple also has to rent a venue, hire a dj, a photographer, pay for a dress, rent tuxes, hire professionals for hair and make up, etc. I think most couples don’t expect their wedding to be covered by their guests, but they do expect the courtesy to give a decent gift.
If a couple chooses to spend 27 K on their wedding, why is that my problem again?
My close friend just had a wedding, well a family friend, and she spent 5 K. It was a nice wedding. Maybe people should learn from her.
People who receive invitations to a wedding should send a gift IF they accept the invitation to attend. If they choose not to attend, they may send a gift, but are not obligated to do so. Long-standing rules of etiquette dictate that what you spend on a wedding gift should be in proportion to what you can afford to spend, not in proportion to the cost of the wedding or the income of the bride and/or groom, and certainly not any arbitrary dollar amount (such as the suggested $50 to $75.) An elderly guest on a low fixed income may spend $5 or $10 on a gift or for materials to make a lace tablecloth or afghan to give as a gift. It would even be appropriate for them to clean and wrap and give something they’ve owned for decades, perhaps a silver serving piece or candle sticks. The amount spent on a wedding gift should never be based on the cost of the wedding or the income level of the couple, but in proportion to what the person giving the wedding gift can (comfortably) spend.
Wedding is an important event of life .. Al least $200/
Weddings and receptions are a celebration of the couple’s dedication to each other. You buy what you can afford and are comfortable with. If that means 2 of the spoons from her registry, you send a beautifully written card along with it. True friends aren’t concerned with what you spent on them as true friends have a reciprocal relationship and its not always monetary. If you can afford more and want to, by all means go ahead. But send that card too – thats the part they remember and are most grateful for.
Hi this is a very good question. This is how i see it. it does not matter, even a card will do. For me it goes about the fact that the people i love and want to have at my wedding are there to share it with me and in today’s economical times a lot of people do not have alot. So if you want to give and if you have to give it would be nice. even a voucher would do as then i can buy what i like. there is no price on friendship or love. that fact that you are there to share it with me is more important.
Depends.. First second or third marriage? Is couple already living together? How special are they too you. $25.00-$40.00 good average and if they are already in a household, CASH GIFT CARDS and other charitable contributions make more sense . They already have toasters and blenders
They say you should give a gift that’s about equal to what will be spent on you for dinner and drinks. That said, if someone can’t afford a lot (and don’t forget that besides the gift, many people have to buy a new outfit, too), then any token amount with good wishes should be enough. Furthermore, any bride/groom that is offended by a smaller than expected gift from someone who can’t afford it is not the person you want on your friendship list anyway.
Giving is from the heart. Wish the couple well as best you can.
Couples, stop inviting the world to your day and save some money for a downpayment. You’ll be glad you spent your money on shelter instead of a big party and a silk designer dress.
There is no etiquette expert that says we should be giving a dollar amount as a gift. If you are invited, then a gift is required, but if you’re poor or just can’t afford it, then the gift should be in an amount a person can financially handle. I completely disagree with this blog article.
hi i thnk bying a gift for a wedding is a really good idea but acaully my freind mother is getting msarried and shr is hardly spending ny mi=ondey at all and also wwhat is the best thing for me t get avengers on vveu cinema time
thinks for info <3
think u freind for information
Why would you take advice on how much to spend for a wedding gift from a site whose main moneymaking source is selling wedding gifts? I know that they also host wedding sites, but those are free. The Knot makes money by selling gifts, so of course they want people to feel required to spend at least $50. I agree with the poster who quoted Emily Post, she is a much more reliable etiquette source than The Knot.
I was invited to two weddings while I was laid off. Both presents that the couple received were well under $50, because it was what I could afford, but both presents were very well received by the couples because I put so much thought into the gifts, rather than just going and blindly spending a set amount off their registry.
I can’t afford to spend $50 or more on every person who invited me to their wedding. I can’t afford to spend $50 for each wedding I’ll be attending, let alone more because I’m close to the bride and groom. In addition, I doubt the bride and groom really cares how much their guests spent on them. They should be happy they cared enough to attend and purchase a gift. I think an inexpensive, heartfelt gift means more than a $200 fondue set, as was mentioned.
I just got done going *through* a wedding, and I have to say these guidelines are ridiculous. Did we receive some large gifts in the $100+ range? Yes, a few. But all but one was from parents and grandparents. The vast majority got something from our registry that ran in the $30-50 range, or just gave cash (about $40-60 in most cases). And I was quite shocked they were usually that high. Maybe it’s because we live somewhere that the cost of living isn’t absurd. But it’s not about paying for the wedding; it’s about sharing the joy of a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event.
Wedding gifts should not be seen as helping fund a the wedding itself. Just because someone goes crazy and spends a ton on the wedding (and as far as I’m concerned, $20k+ is ridiculous; ours was about $13k for an outdoor wedding, a reception that everyone said was the best wedding reception they had ever been to, and a brunch the next day), that doesn’t mean they should expect to recoup that through the gifts of the people they are asking to take the time to drive to the event for, and possibly take unpaid time off work for. It is a gift, and you should give what you feel is appropriate. If the newlyweds feel slighted by you not giving more and start cutting you out of their lives, all the better that you don’t have to worry about continuing to give them gifts for birthdays, holidays, and children.
£50 maybe enough for common people, but if that is your close friend, £100 to £200 maybe good if you have that much. Or you can make a exquisite DIY craft to him or her.
My wedding probably cost around 1.5k – 2k we’re both just getting out of college with a bunch of money in loans, and we just wanted to make sure I wore suit, and she wore a dress, had it in a nice community center, and had her family that regular makes large amounts of food make food for us, a cake, and around 10-15 people each, just family and close friends, and we were just grateful to have them there and were very grateful for whatever gifts they could manage to give us, but didn’t expect anything from anyone we invited that showed up other than their company for the wedding and food afterwards.
I do not agree with this. I (and I hope, other people) much prefer a thoughtful, heart-felt gift, rather than just anything because it fits the amount one is “supposed” to spend!
The most expensive gift I received cost about $35, and the least about $20. Each gift was very much appreciated, and we were delighted with them all.
Anyone who spends 27K on a wedding is an idiot! I had a lovely wedding, and the whole thing including the reception and honeymoon, rang in at under 5K. That’s including everything! We kept the guest list to our closest family and friends (who else really matters?), used a chapel, and my MOH and I decorated the reception hall ourselves. I made the centerpieces and favors myself, had someone burn CDs with my music choices, served party platters and soda (we bought sparkling grape juice for the toast). We rented a fully appointed honeymoon cabin in TN for our stay there. Everything was beautiful, and we had a wonderful time. I put the most emphasis on having a beautiful (though not terribly expensive) gown, and a good photographer. Much better than starting out up to our eyeballs in debt to impress a bunch of people who don’t really matter, anyway!
I normally buy a £10 bottle of wine, because they both like their cheap wine. (like me)
I think it’s the thought’s that count, with the amount of people handing them over gifts they probably wont be so focused on the price. My mother always thought me to remove any price tag on any gift items that I purchase. Get them a nice picture frame. The Crystal picture frames for the wedding pics. It may range between $30-$100. Purchase something that you know they will use. Like a handcuff, whip, blind folds, (that’s for the people with a good sense of humor) that’s not even going to cost you $50 it’s the way you put it together. But on a more serious note you can get something like Matching bathrobes, matching slippers, His and her coffee mugs personalized with their names on it, a nice crystallized picture frame anything that coincides with their marriage and togetherness now that they are becoming one. So instead of looking for a price look for something that is more sentimental.
Buy a present that will cover the cost of your meal, plus some.
E.G. You’re a couple, invited to the whole wedding, meal included, that’s around £35 a head (depending where you go) spent by the couple on food for you so your gift should be £70+. If you are only invited the the after do then a token gift is fine.
I’m planning one now and if you try really hard you can keep the cost down. But even still it won’t be less than $10k and that’s minimum. EVERYTHING is expensive. We are inviting 200 people and most caterers ask $50 pp. that’s $10k right there. We asked that our friends who can’t join us not send a gift. So for the people who say that couples invite others just to get something, sounds like maybe you know that from experience? Tacky.
Guess I didn’t really touch on gifts…
We would never expect a guest to cover the cost of their plate. How selfish!
We invited them to share OUR special day. It’s our wish they are there. They shouldn’t have to pay for it.
Their presence is our present. If you expect something of your guests your marriage is probably not something worth celebrating.
For giving gifts at weddings the best bet is to do one of two things. One look through the registry, find something that you would like to give the bride and groom but stay in your budget. The second thing is if you can’t figure out what item on the registry to buy them or if they don’t have a registry then the best thing to do is to give them cash with in your budget or if you can afford it give them a nice cash present.
The most important rule about “how much to spend on a wedding (or bridal shower, or baby shower) gift” is to spend WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD. You should not put yourself at risk of eviction, car repo, or skip paying for your prescriptions, in order to go overboard on a gift. And that goes for everyone — no matter how close or distant a friend or family member is. There is no legitimate reason to try to “one-up” the other guests or family members. Your presence, at the request of the celebrants, is part of your gift.
I’d go a little easier on Mike, because it would seem that The Knot is a reputable source for wedding information. However, it’s tough to look to them for financially-based information, because the audience that they’re targeting in their magazine and website are the kinds of people who are willing to throw down faaaarrrrr more than $27,000 on a wedding. Naturally, they’re targetting the same people who would throw down $50 gift for a near-stranger. In some part of the fancy-people world, maybe this is the norm.
It’s not my norm. My advice: Just look at the couple’s registry. If they’ve listed a $5 gift, you should feel safe spending $5.
Ideally, the happy couple should care enough about you not to expect you to send a gift. Gifts should be a pleasant surprise that someone gives out of their own generosity and kindness.
Ultimately, the best thing you can do where buying a gift is concerned is to think about the recipient(s) and what they would like; if they are avid readers, perhaps the latest novel by their favourite writer or a gift certificate for the bookstore, where they can pick out their gift at their leisure. Never the wrong size, never the wrong colour, never the wrong style, ALWAYS just what they wanted!
Do put some thought into it — don’t go to the bookstore if you know they don’t read often.
how often to talk, meet, etc, 25 -50 bucks. If you work together or its your boss or related to him/her 100.00
Its a wedding not a birthday! Be smart, shop discount and you will be surprised. Now, if your boss is a dick head, reward him equally.
Well in my family and culture (we’re Russian Jews) it’s a disgrace to give anything less than $100. A wedding is so expensive to throw so any money that could be given would help pay for it. If they can afford the wedding then it’s still better to give them money so that they could buy something they want. I couldn’t possible know what you could buy for $5. Of course a couple would never tell you they want a coffee machine of a certain brand that cost $150 or so; that’s rude. So if you just give them money they can spend it on what they actually want. Not a blender that will only last for a couple of months that they will either return or never use in the first place. Our family friends went to a wedding and gave the couple a good amount of money (they’re family friends of the groom). The bride started talking to everyone how generous his side of the family was compared to her side who gave them bed sheets, a blender, a toaster, etc.
Anna, since you will be insulted if everyone at your wedding does not give you at least $150 gift, make sure you are only inviting people who can afford that. I think it’s really sad that you choose your family and friends by their bank account. I mean, seriously, there’s 10% unemployment. You don’t know anybody who’s out of a job right now. You would expect them to give $150 instead of $20 or $30, or stay home. I would want my friends at my wedding, regardless of whether their having a tough time.
Around where I live, wedding days can be spearted in to three bits: the ceremony, the reception (food), and the evening do (entertainments and dancing).
I spend on a sliding scale depending on which parts of the day I’m invited to. Say for instance I’m only invited to the evening do and it’s not an open bar and no food is provided, I just give a token gift.
If I’ve been invited to all three parts of the day, I’ll spend quite a bit more, depending on how well I know the couple.
I figure if I’ve been fed and plied with free table wine, then that deserves a better gift than if I’ve just been given a band to listen to and a space to dance in.
With our own wedding, as we’d been living together for 5 years already, we asked people to make donations to any of our chosen charities. We don’t know or care who spent what, but it’s good to know that our wedding day was of some benefit as well as providing entertainment.
I think you are forgetting about the desperate times people are in.
the average wedding costs 27k but the average income is 37k a year……
For the Chinese community in Malaysia, we usually give money.
Usually we give depending on the relationship like what the Knot says but in ringgit (RM = divide 3 to get USD).
It helps the couple a lot.
I go by their registry. You can get things for $5-10 off of those, and it’s in good form since it’s something they asked for. Generally, you want to provide a gift that at least covers the cost of food.
Who the hell are they?? They must be talking about people with money! What about us regular people. You know the one that make ten bucks an hour. There’s no way we can afford $50.00 for gift. Gifts used to be things they would need. My brother and sister bought my sister-law set a salt and pepper set 22 years ago. Believe it or not they still have it. It’s been in use since day one it’s they only thing they left that lasted. So stick your fifty buck.
Oh by the the salt and pepper shaker out lasted marriage. In Oct their divorce will be final. So the cheap gift out lasted the marriage.
It depends on what you can afford. To some people, a buck is a lot of money. Others can blow thousands on a gift and not even notice it.
Examine your budget and give accordingly.
My best friend’s sister just got married. I bought her and her new hubby some Royal Crystal Rock glasses, guess how much? £10. Look around on gumtree and eBay and Amazon and other sites similar for great deals! Don’t empty your wallet.
That is a bunch of garbage! Why in the heck should I be obligated to spend nearly half a day’s pay on a gift for someone I barely even know? Relationships are not based on a dollar amount, and if you can’t afford “designer napkin holders” or whatever the author said, then you shouldn’t have them at your reception! It is not up to the guests to reimburse you for it- in fact, the idea that gifts are to somehow make up for the cost implies that they will be pawned! This is just another example of crass commercialism that has emerged in the last 100 years. Before, weddings were relatively small, held in a church, and nowhere near as expensive. People had the kind of wedding they could afford. Gifts were not a reason to invite every person you ever met to your wedding, so that you could increase your haul.
For my best friend’s wedding, I got her a lovely antique woodblock print. It was less than $100, but I am poor, and I chose it based on her interests and my budget.
just say no to knot and buy a gift you can afford and they will like
Depending on what you can afford and how well you know the person I would say $50 – $100 would buy a good gift.
You are invited to a wedding- because your friends want you there to celebrate their special day. If at the time you are financially strapped- you technically have a year to give a gift. During that year- just put a little away…then, when you feel that your gift represents your feeling towards them- then give it. You do not have to give the gift that day…there is no pressure to do that.
If the marriage does not last…the gift can be a happy divorce gift…LOL
My SISTER didn’t get $50 from me. MY finances determine how much I spend. If that doesn’t fly with the so called professionals, THEY have a problem, not me. As for offsetting the cost of the wedding: if they can’t pay for the wedding without my gift, they need a smaller wedding. Perhaps the average price would be less if people only spent what they could afford.
I make custom items professionally, so I usually give one of these as a gift, or a gift card for my shop. This costs me a couple of bucks (money I can barely spare). I liked the guy who said he paints a canvas for his gifts. I would be willing to bet that is one of the few gifts that create a memory for the recipient. At least with a custom piece, you know they won’t “re-gift” it. If they don’t care enough to use my gift card, then they wouldn’t have liked what I picked out anyway. I spent $500 on my wedding, but it was 20 years ago. I bought a dress from a dress shop that had been ripped and fixed it. I bought my own flowers and arranged them (I’ve done that professionally). I hired a neighbor to make the cake. My mom bought food and the church was free. Amish women make a dress and pick some flowers on the way to the church and everyone has potluck. What’s wrong with us, people?
An average amount of money spent on a wedding gift is $25-75. It mainly just depends on how close the bride/groom are to you.
I just recently had a wedding to fit my in-law’s needs. Basically, my husband and I traveled to missouri so they would all come to the wedding. The wedding itself did not cost much money, but for the 2 of us to take off work and get there, we ended up spending 2,000$. And we made this convenient for everyone else. The majority of our guests that all had to be invited, didn’t even give us a card.
I agree that you should give what you can afford, but when a couple goes out of their way to include you and make things easier on you, I feel that you should spend atleast 50$ on your gift. If given the opportunity to redo everything, I never would have had my wedding in Missouri.
I felt unappreciated and will honestly never go out of my way to include any of those family members again. It’s true that it is not your responsibility to pay for the bride and groom’s wedding, but it is also not your place to eat their food and head home. They had no extra cost to attend our wedding and we lost alot of money doing it in Missouri.
Wake up people, this type of keeping up with the Jones mindset is what got us into this economic crisis. Lets impress people with our “generous” wedding gift even though we have to eat Ramen noodle for the next 2 weeks. Just be realistic, if you can afford the $200 easily and it doesn’t break your bank then great for you and the couple getting your gift but if you have to cut contribution to your 401k to do so then you are crazy. Always think of your own financial situation first, if the bride or groom expect you to sacrifice your financial well being so they can finance their special day then good riddance they will no longer be friends (to me) anymore. To those people getting married, get real not many people really want to go your wedding, its mostly either they are obligated to or feel pressured to, so their presence is your biggest present. Wedding couple is acting like its such a big honor for you to get invited to a attend a stuffy event where you might not even know half the people, all sporting plastic smiles. If you cannot afford a lavish wedding then have one you can afford but DO NOT expect your guests to pay for it. I am happy to get dis-invited if a couple ever expect a certain amount of cash or gift from me.
The Chinese call wedding invitations “red bombs” because they usually comes in red and they explode your bank account every time.
To Nick who is unemployed: wow you must be so rich, giving $400 gifts when you don’t have a job? I much rather have that $400 in my bank so I can pay my bills, especially when I don not get any paychecks.
I live in CT & spent $40k on my wedding in 2003 & it was worth every penny!! We invited people that impacted our lives no matter how rich or poor. If we received only a card from someone that we knew struggled, it was fine with us. We were simply happy to have them there. However, the one’s making $100k+ that gave $30 boiled my blood. The worst gift we received was a $30 gift card to Lowe’s from a couple that was well off. I worked with her and her husband was in management. The kicker was that he worked for Lowe’s!!! I have to be honest and say I was completely disgusted. Anyways, I personally cover my plate+ but I can afford it. If I couldn’t, and it wasn’t for a close friend or family, I would politely excuse myself and send what I could.
Our best friend Elenor is from here but met her husband in New Zealand, They were together 4yrs and New Zealand sent her back to the states. for more paper work so she can have her citezenship. So he flew out here a month ago, so they could be together and travel, Well when they got to Vegas they got married. He flys back today to New Zealand and she flys here today. So what would you get 2 awesome people who are apart for thier wedding gift when you don’t have alot of money?? Thanks Brenda
Weddings are special events and my relationship with the couple determines the kind of gift I would give them. Cost should always be considered but relationship means more. I won’t go to a wedding of a couple I hardly know. Weddings allow the couple to share their relationship growth to those they truly know and not just for the gifts they wish to receive.
How do you determine gift cost when you spend $$ to get to the wedding? I was invited to a tropical destination wedding. Will cost me and SO at least $2000 to attend. The bride and groom are paying $200/head for the wedding. So what is the etiquette there, given that we are paying $1600 more to attend then they are spending on our food?
Travel expenses of the guests are typically considered negligible when it is a local wedding you can drive to, but what about when you have to take a 9 hour flight and at least 2 nights in a hotel?
How much $$ and time should we have to sacrifice for a wedding celebration? What is reasonable for travel, as well as for a gift?
I gifted both of my sisters $500 when they got married (5 and 7 years ago.) Both are now divorced. I got married just over a month ago (1st marriage) and received gifts of $50 from each of them. I know that my younger sister is still recovering financially from her recent divorce. My older sister constantly brags about how her union job, “Pays me too much.”
I wasn’t excepting $500 from each of them but I was shocked to only receive $50. My mother even agreed that both should have gave more and the older sister more than the younger. Is it wrong that I felt hurt, insulted and disappointed? Oh, by the way, they put the gift together in 1 card and forgot to bring it to the reception. 3 weeks later I mentioned to my mom how it still wasn’t mailed to us. 3 days later it arrived in the mail.
I’m sorry, but most of you sound like a bunch of stingy jerks. I would not want you as my friends. First, let me preface, I don’t plan on ever getting married because a wedding doesn’t matter to me. THAT SAID, those who do have weddings put a lot of time and effort and money into them. I don’t think they EXPECT any certain gift or amount of money, however; to act like “they should be so lucky to receive ANYTHING from me” is just rude and bad form. Wedding invites are normally sent out at least six months prior to the wedding. If you can’t save up a measly $50 in six months for a good friend, then you shouldn’t even have the gall to attend the wedding. It sound, to me, like an awful lot of people just want a night of free booze and a good party. It’s a celebration of people who are important to you. Loosen up a little. If you can’t afford a gift, don’t go to the wedding. End of story.
I would never invite someone to a wedding to “offset the cost”. My wedding is to celebrate our relationship and the beginning of our lives together. I would rather not get any gifts than have someone we invite stay home because they can’t afford a gift. I’m inviting people because I want them there to help celebrate and have a good time, not for gifts.
Wow! All I can say to the selfish people on this post that, if they care so little about the people whose wedding they have been invited too…why are they attending? Second, you all must be single and unwed. I was recently married. I didn’t expect gifts but it did hurt my feelings that some people cared so little about us that they had no problem coming to our wedding, eating our food, drinking our wine, dancing for hours, and taking pictures in our photo booth without bringing a $1 card wishing us the best. There really is no excuse to come to a wedding empty handed with at least a card. Also if you didn’t bring a gift and you had a great time…why wouldn’t you send a gift after the wedding? Classless mooches! Especially the ones who registered for gifts at their weddings.