Ask Mike: Fashionably late
Hey Guys,
With holiday parties fast approaching, many may be wondering just how late “fashionably late” really is. Here’s the scoop.
First off, it depends on the event. If you’re going to a wedding, a funeral, or a business meeting, you never want to be late. But for holiday parties, most etiquette experts believe that guests should arrive within a half hour of the appointed time.
Miss Manners writes that the window is actually about 20 minutes. She also writes that she doesn’t really get why anybody wants to be late to a party. “You get to talk to the hosts, you don’t have to forage for food and drink, and you have an excuse for being the first to leave.”
Ask Men argues that it’s far worse to show up early than it is late. “It’s common knowledge that being fashionably late will contribute in garnering you attention. But thirty minutes late should represent a barrier you don’t want to cross. There’s a reason the host asked you to come over at a specific time and complying shows that you are a courteous individual. Never be early.”
Indeed, that seems to be the big tradeoff. If you come to a party on the late side, you might appear to be kind of cool. But you might also run the risk of there being no more food or drinks.
What are your thoughts on when to show for holiday parties? Right on time? A little bit late? Or way late? Please leave a comment below.
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If it’s a dinner party, it’s unforgivable to be late by even five minutes. That’s why wise hostesses say, “Cocktails at six-thirty, dinner at seven” or “Six-thirty for seven o’clock”.
For the usual party where there are hors d’oeuvres, drinks, pretzels, fruit kabobs, a veggie platter, and so on, if you arrive more than fifteen minutes past the appointed hour, the platters will definitely have that lived-in look. You’ll be lucky to get the last of the dip.
But if you arrive early for that kind of party, you’ll be greeted by the hostess in curlers and the host in the process of tying the dog up outside.
I can’t ever remember feeling drawn to someone at a party because they showed up late. Nor can I recall thinking “oh how cool, so-and-so just got here”.
The benefit of being a little late in my opinion is you miss the sometimes awkward pre-booze socializing. Arriving after everyone has loosened up some is preferable to most people.
Makes sense to me and option of leaving early sounds good.
just don’t show up. there you go problem solved.
“You get to talk to the hosts,”
What better reason to be late? You want to avoid this at all costs!
Besides, most of the time the hosts aren’t going to be ready yet anyway, so if you show up on time or early, you’ll get drafted into helping set things up!
Heck, if I wanted to set up a party, I’d host my own!
Just go at time. I try to reach any appointment at time and expect others to do so. And there is nothing called “fashionably late”. At least, I don’t believe in that kind of “fashion”.
I definitely agree that showing up early is a no-no. Who does that? That’s called being a pain in the neck.
It depends on the type of party, but I would give acceptable lateness an hour window. Anything approaching an hour requires a call to say “hey, we’re running late, but we’re on the way.” This obviously would not apply to dinner parties. If I attend any other type of party that runs out of food and drinks within the first half hour, then I would wish I had stayed home.
I don’t understand why people can’t just show up on time. If you need to sit at home for an extra 30 minutes before you leave for people to think you’re cool, you’re probably not cool. If I was having a party and someone showed up late for no good reason I would take that as disrespect. When I am invited somewhere, I put that event in my calendar and I make time for it. I have a lot of friends that do this kind of stuff, that’s why I am expressing my aggravation
When I go to parties, which I don’t actually do that often, and it’s usually just my close friends going, I usually show up on time or a few minutes early. That way I can actually talk to the host before they’re busy having to try to keep everyone entertained, and I can offer help for any last minute things they need finished.
If a meal is being served, there is NO such thing as “fashionably late”. If I spent hours making a fine meal, I don’t want you showing up half-way through the main course.
As for other types of parties .. showing up late should be reserved for those insecure types who don’t want to be noticed by the group. Being shy doesn’t stand out as much when the room is full of people talking to each other.
In my country, there are certain unwritten rules when it comes to paying someone a visit (be it a party, a special event, a holiday celebration, a name-day celebration or a plain house visit). Those rules are more of a common understanding among our people, somewhat of an etiquette that everyone (ever since people can remember) was (and is) supposed to consider and respect. As much as this sounds old-fashioned and overly patriarchial, as it imposes arriving on time and minding the time of stay, it has been a part of our everyday lives for generations. When people invite you to a party – they’ve been considering honoring you to be their guest, considering their available time and the time they could spend entertaining you and others, the type of party they’re organizing and type of guests they’re inviting, the number of guests, the sitting arrangement, the food and beverage type and distribution – and (of course) – the time they’d expect you all to be leaving! So – YES, there’s a reason they have specified the time a party begins. I think it’s ok to arrive on time, and noone should be considered uncool for being polite and well brought up to actually be respecting their host and arriving on time. Being (very) late to a party is just being rude and inconsiderate.
10 minutes early for a business appointment, 15 minutes early for a wedding or a funeral, but 20 minutes late for a party at a private house, unless a specific deadline is given (such as a meal on the table).
It has nothing to do with the convenience of the guest, but rather is courteous to the host to be a little late. Unless the host is obsessively tidy, there is invariably a mad last minute panic to get the hoovering done, everything prepared, things forgotten tidied away, and never enough time to draw breath and put things away in time for the first guests arriving.
The last bit of tidying is done 5 minutes after the start, and the next 15 minutes is vital to get over the panic and get into welcome mode.
Always show up early, maybe you help!
“Fashionably late” is not fashionable. It’s not hip, it’s not cool; it’s just late. Late, and very, very rude.
Hi : )
i’d suggest getting there between 20 to 30 minutes past the start of the event.
its not a business meeting or a date to take out etc.
the host probably just finished preparing everything and needs some extra time to unwind and prepare welcoming guests etc.
thanks and cheers : )
I never turn up to parties exactly on time! You don’t want to be the first one there so I would say to get there 20-30 minutes late….any more than that is a bit rude
Most of my life I have had to be places and on time. As a musician and singer, there are penalties when you are expected to be somewhere and you are an important entity and your responsibilities are leaving others at bay. I was always taught to be on time means you are late. With that in mind – I have always tried to be where I need to be at least 30 minutes before. That includes a party. How many times have people extended invitations to others only to have them show up late, or not at all. I think it’s rude.
Sleep early so you can show up early. Maybe that helps.
it depends on what kind of party it is, if its big party where you don’t know the host and there are going to be a lot of people there i think its probably normal to be 30 minutes or an hour late, if its a small party with a good friend i think its expected that you be on time within 10 minutes or so
I try to be on time for whatever I go to, and I don’t think being late is “fashionable” at all. It’s just rude. Accidentally, I can understand, but showing up late to try and make yourself look cool (which I have never understood myself) is just horrendously rude. Within ten minutes of the start time of the party at the most.
If a party starts at 7, be there at 7 or within a few minutes afterwards. In my opinion, unless there is a good excuse like traffic or weather, there is no reason to be late to a party.
I agree that it is worse to be early than to be late. That said, I would always call if I was going to be more than 15 minutes late to a party. The hosts set the time for a reason.
You don’t show up late to a party to appear “cool”. You show up a bit late so you’re not the only guest there for a long time, therefore avoiding an awkward situation where you don’t have to talk to the host that you don’t actually know that well. Of course, if you’re good friends with the host, show up early or on time.
I see nothing wrong with showing up at a 7:00 party at 7:03,I think that’s perfect. You don’t push the “10 minute early envelope,” but hey, the party started at 7, midas well give them the mental confidence that someone will show up, and really, being asked to put the chips on the table isn’t horrible, much as everyone makes it sound that way. If I’m at a friends house, I like showing up a few minutes early for events, just to be there for my friend, but it really depends on the event.
i absolutely hate coming late. Being late jut disgust me. Im usually the first person. But when im the host to me i dont care because if people come late they get the suckish food and dont get to ee everyone that arrives and its hard to find your friends in the crowd. It kindof bothers me but as host i have other things to worry about
I always try and be on time considering that the host is planning on you being there when the party starts. A few minutes afterwards is ok, but on time is better. I know someone who is ALWAYS ALWAYS, without fail, late. And I mean an hour late or more. So we tell them to get there at 5 if it starts at 6, etc. Late is rude
Arriving later is great if you hate the early phase of a party when the energy has yet to spin up.
Arriving earlier is great if you like the early phase of a party when you can have more intimate exchanges with people, or to get to know people before all their established friends show up.
For formal dinner parties, being a few minutes late is not late at all, but 15-30 minutes late can ruin the meal, and tick off your host.
For larger, informal parties — even where you are contributing something — arrival time is effectively meaningless.
For smaller more intimate parties, arriving late rudely says you had something better to do, and may leave the others struggling to create a party mood with too few people.
Depending on how long the event is. If it’s 1 and a half to two hours I’d say 20-30 minutes respectively. If a party is expected to go from 3-4 hours (which I’ve been to a few) your best bet is 30-45 minutes late. The point of being ‘fashionably late’ is to arrive right when the event is in full swing and miss the awkward start up phase with only a few visitors and hosts to mingle with. As for food and drink, it should be the host’s job to provide enough so that it lasts for at least half of, if not all of, the event. Then the guests who leave last an maybe even help clean up (usually close friends of the host) gets to take some leftovers. That’s my experience and opinion.
Personally, I’m a punctual kind of person. I never like being late. Also being “fashionably late” can cause you to miss out on all the good food!
I’m with the Answerer who said that showing up late is a sign of disrespect. If the person said 6 P.M., be there at 6 P.M. The ‘fashionably late’ nonsense died in the 80′s–along with big hair & shoulder pads.
And to the point the other Answerer made about helping to set up the tables, etc., that is true, but I think the guests should be happy to help out with both set-up & clean-up. If someone’s nice enough to pay for food, drink, & entertainment, I’m always willing to help out.
Now, having said all that, there actually have been times when I was hosting a party and have had some last-minute prep going on (because yes, I’m a dumb procrastinator) and have been a little glad, as from a point that Elmbeard made, that my guests were a little late. I don’t know if they tried to be late just to help because they knew me and believed I wouldn’t be ready in time, or if it was just a slip of their own preparation that made them late. I didn’t want to ask them.
If I were so unprepared that I would have to have called them and *asked* them to be a little late, then yeah, that would be really lame! But, hahaha, I wouldn’t put it past myself! Ohhh!
But in an *ideal* world, yes, I would expect people to be on time for a party that had a really nailed-down start time.
Oh, and happy CHRISTMAS!
fashionably late
always good because you d onot look desparate to make an impression
I think its ok to be like 20-10 minutes late.Because if theres any mishaps,the host/hostess doesn’t have to worry aboout everything.
I was always told that there is no such thing as “fashionably late”, or even “just a little” late. You’re either “on time” or your late. Pick one.
If invited to a party, I like to show up early (or “on time”) to see if I can help out with setting up and getting things ready.
Funny… I usually think people who show up late are just douchebags who don’t have the courtesy to show up when you asked them to. That’s kinda the opposite of cool.
*shrug*
I say ten min late is good… because I always like to leave early and this usually allows me to park where I can leave easily.. I know it is rude but at least I am honest
I do not like waiting for everyone else to leave so i can or having to make others let me out.
Here’s my advice: At parties, I think it is highly ridiculous to be late. I mean, why? If you can make it in fair weather with no traffic, why draw attention to yourself? People can gossip about you in a terrible way, thus, giving you the wrong attention!
Its kinda rude to be “fashionably late” its fake and piontless. I say on time would be appropriate
on the dot.
I think 10 to 15 minutes late is a good amount to be late by.
Its more or less FASHIONABLY EARLY now.. Everyone wants to arrive early and bask in all the benefits
I takek the unpopular view that there’s nothing wrong with arriving early for parties. One, what if you have trouble finding the place? A few extra minutes would be very welcome. Number two, what if you find out you are over/underdressed or in some other way inappropriate? If you’re early, you still have time to correct it. Remaning numbers: You can hobnob more with the people giving the party, and maybe get to know them better. You can greet more people as they come in, get better eats, etc., etc., etc. The list goes on. I don’t see any outstanding advantages to being late.
Before reading this, I had never heard of being fashionable late. Once I was about half an hour late for a party because of traffic and I was totally freaking out in the car. Not because of food or anything but because the guy who’s party it was is one of my best friends and I felt terrible for being late. I think it’s just really rude to be late to a friend’s formal party, but if it’s one of those big party’s where you don’t know everyone, then I guess it’s alright. But still, being late for a party means you might miss out on some of the fun! But that’s just what I think
It depends on the type of party, where it’s taking place, and how well I know the people. If it’s a big party where more than 20 people are expected, I think it’s okay to be 15 – 20 minutes late, but no more than 30. If you know the host of the party very well or if it’s a close family/good friends party, it’s alright to be on time and not very late. Whenever a very good friend of mine is hosting a party, I always show up on time or maximum ten minutes late. Also, if there is food involved, like at a dinner party in an important restaurant, I think it’s important to be on time so the food can be served properly without waiting for anybody.
As said above, there are certain events that under no circumsstances you should be late for, however some times there a few where you can bend the rules. For example a big NO NO is when you are the only people being invited or theres only about 5, as this can worry the guests and host as they may want to get on. However if it is a big in-formal party with many attending aroung 15-20 minutes from the stated time will work!
You might like to know that in Sun City, AZ (maybe in other retirement communities too) it is normal for guests to start arriving a half hour early. They want to help set up for the party. Being retired, they don’t have much else to do.
I’m always early or on time. I have anxiety about being late. Guess I get that from my dad.
I am ALWAYS fashionably late to parties. Then when you walk in, you steal the show (;
I’m always throwing parties, my place is the do-drop-by, it’s an open concept apartment right in the down town area of my city, so it’s perfect and I’m glad to do so. I don’t care if people show up late, the time I give is just a guideline. Even when I’m serving a meal, I don’t serve it right away, usually it’s meet and greet, intros, and some sort of appetizer.
I don’t think for a second that anyone is sitting in their homes completely ready just waiting out the clock to look cool, as many of you have suggested. People are busy, I don’t want my party to be a chore for them, I want them to come at their leisure and enjoy themselves. Mind you, it’s nice to have a heads up if someone is going to be hours late so I know to go a head with out them, but otherwise, I couldn’t care less.
However, I don’t like when people show up early, I’m not always ready and people have learned their lesson because I’m not opposed to putting someone to work who shows up like a half an hour early. I hand them an apron and lead them to the kitchen. Most of my friends are cool about that stuff though.
Being early means an awkward situation where you have to talk to the host who you barely know and can even be rude, the host sets a time fo a reason. But if you’re more than about 20-30 minutes late and without a good reason like traffic or weather then it does seem rude. If you are attending a diner party or a small party with close friends then you should appear on time or a few minutes early. It really depends on the event.
Personally I believe showing up early before the time approaches is a little rude. Most of the time the host / hostess of the party is still setting up. Getting there on time for a normal party also would be a little awkward. I personally believe anything more then 20 minutes is un-acceptable. Call ahead if you’re going to be that late. If you must be late , any party thrown by I would require to be there 5 – 10 minutes late. i rather not wait half an hour after the party start time to actually party. Ettique … plays a huge role in it all. Remember your manners and don’t keep anyone waiting for any time to long.
I go by the motto “the earliest bird catches the worm”. If I am expected to be somewhere I will be there 5-10 minutes early. Throughout my childhood and currently college i often came into conflict with obstacles because of my own lateness or not showing up. I adjusted my lifestyle and now show up on time wherever i go.
It really depends on whose throwing the party. Some people don’t like it when their guests show up exactly on time, and some hate it when they come late. I would perfer people to be several minutes late before arriving so I can do some late minute touch ups.
I try and turn up on time. If it is a massive party i.e. over 100 people, then pretty much everyone seems to turn up about 15-20mins late. It just means that it’s not awkward turning up on time, sober, in an empty space meant to be filled with loads of people. Obviously if it’s a proper dinner party or occasion then I like to get there on time.
I’m always a little late, I don’t like being the first one there.
I’m not sure if it’s coolness factor but yes when you arrive at a normal party (not a dinner party) half an hour late people will be more interested in you because you are the “new” element in the party.
It’s the same reason you don’t show up to a nightclub until a little later in the evening, you would lose out on the “oh look what just walked in the door.”
Well, it depends on who you’re going with. Among certain groups, what us Indians call Indian Standard Time, everyone shows up an hour late. If you show up on time to those kinds of parties, the host will be mostly ready, but there will be absolutely no one there for at least half an hour. For other groups, if I am about 10-15 minutes late, I call and say I’m running late. You should never be there more than 5 minutes early, though. Hosts are going through last minute prepping, and if they are not your best friend, it becomes rather awkward. Some hosts feel embarrassed if they are not ready by the time you are there. Sometimes you can’t help being early, but if you come more than 15 minutes early to a party (unless it is a small gathering, among close friends) you are probably causing the host a world of trouble. Also, if you are not talkative, coming early causes awkwardness.
However, it is not fashionable to be way later than other guests. On time is best, maybe 5 minutes late. Arriving late doesn’t make you seem cool, it just makes you seem late.
People who think they are being fashionable by being late are losers.
If I am late, it’s because I had a flat tire, stupid nails in the road, or something terrible has happened.
I was almost late to a friend’s wedding when a long funeral procession began crossing an intersection before I got to it. Hundreds of cars!
If you show up fashionably late and you are the only guest there, better hope it’s not a vampire party.
Honestly, I cannot decide. Being late would get you the cool treatment UNLESS it was dinner party. Like one person said, a dinner party must be one of the “On Time” locations. But if you are there early, you could be the one who gets called the lifeless person. But if I had to choose, I’d say that you should get there early.
What all of you fail to realize is the fact that a good portion of us (most of the world) come from COLLECTIVISTIC CULTURES. Look it up. Being Late is normal and usual from said cultures. We can’t even imagine being 2 hours late, that’s too early and tacky. Seriously, why would being on time be feasible? It just reeks you have nothing better to do and the fact that you have the flexibility to do what you want makes more sense. LOL. If you hate people who are indeed fashionably late, do yourselves a favor and never go to a party “hosted” by a person from an Eastern culture. You’ll just end up reeaaaally frustrated and burst an artery. Word of advice.
I’ve got an idea… Just come on time!
Dinner, NEVER arrive early, EVER. Please be ten minutes late and no later.
I agree with what AskMen says, if only because of my mindset. You’re going to a party to socialize and meet interesting new people right? Getting there on time to make sure you get food and drinks is a secondary concern, though a properly planned event should have enough to last and some more. The window is up to 30 minutes, but what I personally do is arrive around ten to twenty minutes late. I don’t exactly plan it; it’s more of a “I’m too lazy to start getting ready and heading out until the last minute” thing than anything else. A little bit late is always acceptable, but way late and you might as well not go. As for getting there early…well I prefer to arrive somewhat late if only so I can survey more people and gauge my interest properly, instead of having other people size me up because I’m there early.
Its a matter of reasonable judgement… just dont show up early. No host should wants to make a guest help prepare things, they are going to feel pressured to socialize with you.
It’s always my policy to arrive on time,no matter what. I would feel rude and irresponsible if I didn’t.
Always be on time if food is being prepared or if there is entertainment. According to Northcote Parkinson, of “Parkinson’s Law” fame, arriving early is unforgivable. The host may not be ready. Arriving dead on time indicates too great an eagerness to drink their whisky or gin. The ideal is given by a formula:
Late time = (expected duration of party)/8
So, if a party is expected to last 4 hours, then be late by 30 minutes. If only 3 hours, then be late by 22minutes. If only 1 hour, then only 7min 30 seconds late. I think he was not totally serious about the seconds !
Ho ho ho.
In a movie called “Home Alone 4″, Molly, a maid, walked down the stairs and she heard a doorbell ring. She looked at her watch and said, “Guests already? Whatever happened to fashionably late?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y5h4HksGLo
01:18-1:32
The point here is that Molly did not expect guests to arrive that soon, but she opened the door to see the home owners back home from the airport. Guests arrived much later in that movie.
I was raised that dinner was a noon meal and supper was the last meal of the day. I have been invited to dinners with my understanding it was a noon meal there by showing up for such. I learned to then and still do today ask them do you wish for me to be there for the noon meal or last meal of the day.
I know that sounds odd in many ways why invite someone over if you don’t understand there ways. But it is a good way to get to know each other over meals.
I always try to be 5 minutes late to social parties, but never more then 5 minutes.
No such thing as “fashionably late.” Unless you were stuck in traffic, got lost, or have some other legitimate excuse, it is not cute to be late. It is rude and disrespectful to the host/ess.
Do not arrive to a private party at someone’s home earlier than the designated time. Unless I’ve called you up personally to ask you to “help”, I do not want you arriving before I’m ready to entertain! I do NOT want you in my kitchen, or cleaning my countertops or setting things out — unless you’ve been asked that is just as rude as asking for any other “special” treatment.
Also, please do not leave your hosts wondering, 20 minutes late, if anyone is going to arrive at all.
to be honest, evry party that i have ever shown up to, i have been anywhere from 15-45 minutes late and that’s looked upon as on-time in my community for something like that
but to anything like a dentist’s appointment, i am always around 5 minutes early, just because i like to socialize with the people who invited me to the meeting, appopintment, et cetera
I have always thought arriving early was okay and felt embarrassed when I did it. It was for those same exact reasons you summed up. Mostly though pertaining to the food, but then I have trouble knowing when to leave, especially if they bring more food…lol
i want to get there exactly on time. but if i get there late or early it doesn’t matter to me.
I think that for a large party (40 guests+) that’s about 2 hours, it’s acceptable to be 20-30 minutes late. The only exception to the large party rule is if it’s a dinner party with separate courses. Then you need to be on time. For one that’s more intimate (10 guests or less), you should be on time within 10 minutes. It’s unacceptable to be more than 30 minutes late to a party without a good excuse such as weather or traffic. If you’re not going to be able to make it within the window of courtesy, you shouldn’t go to the party.
I think it’s best to be a little bit late. When I throw parties, it’s extremely annoying when people are early (even a little bit) because I always find myself scrambling to finish until the very last minute. It’s ok to be right on time, but it’s akward to be the first one right on time. I would say five minutes late for a coctail party and right on time for a sit down dinner party.
The only time it’s cool to show up late is when you’re a teenager like me. When you’re an adult or a woman cooking/preparing for the party you want people to show up on time or 30 minutes after. Other than that it’s annoying.
If its not to work, a wedding, funeral, appointment, etc, I’m always roughly 15 minutes late. I hate being late. Its not because I want to appear cool or fasionably late, its because theres either traffic, taken too long to get ready, or I’ve left way too little time to get ready. However, if I’m going to be more than 10 minutes late, I call or text apologizing for my tardiness, although my friends are never surprised. If you’re the type of hostess that likes everyone there, right on the dot of the time you say, for example 6, tell them 5:30 or 5:45. That way, no one is ever technically late!
you should get there 6 hours early, then sit outside, like a stalker…
I once went to a New Year’s Eve party and not wanting to be too early arrived at 11.50pm. I was the first one there and no-one else came for over an hour. Egg all over my face . . .
I usually prefer to arrive no later than about ten minutes late. I don’t think there is much purpose in arriving any later than that, and it just shows that you don’t really care about the party.
If it’s a dinner party or something similar than I try to arrive on time, or a minute or two early. But not more than five minutes late or early.
I’ve always been taught to arrive 5-15 minutes late. Since I’ve hosted a few social events myself, I know that even though I’ve set a specific time for an event doesn’t mean things will go right and I’ll be ready by then. I’m usually in a mad dash to put everything up and tidy the house so it looks presentable for my guests, and the extra 5-15 minutes certainly gives me a little bit of a breather after my mad dash through the house.
I have always been taught to show up right on the dot and if your going to be more than 5 minutes late call and the person know. However, it is better to show up 5 minutes at the earliest. I’m usually showing up right on the dot though, maybe a few munutes late. My entire family is the kind that you tell them it starts at 3 when it actually starts at 2 so they will show up on time, so I hate it when anybody is late, even though i’m used to it.
I think that you should be 15-20 minutes late to a regular party because then the party is just getting into full swing and there is still enough food to get two serving.
I always show up 1-3 minutes late, that way it’s not annoying, but I can say I was “fashionably late” for anything more time specific, I show up <1 minute late and say I'm "fashionably late".
The problem now is that one person who thinks everyone else is impressed whenever they show up late!
Yes, people are hosting a party. No, it’s not just about you, they have taken time to ensure you have fun, but there are other things they could be doing instead, remember that. The only thing people late proves to people is how rude and fake you are.
i think it depends on the party… for a formal one, you should show up early, for a casual one, showing up late doesn’t really matter (as long as its nothing like an hour or so). that’s just what i think. or feel. or whatever.
Personaly, I think it would be rude to show up late to a party, without a good reason why. The host took the time to extend an invitation to you and you should be respecful of that and them.
only early if your with other people so you’re not the only guest
Every year my parents host their HOA Christmas party. Its from 530-9pm – just about everyone shows up between 525 and 545. 9pm rolls around, and most everyone leaves. It’s a little weird, but it is nice to see these people have manners and the courtesy to show up on time and not stay half the night.
Get there about 20 minutes late, not to be fashionable but this usually helps the host out cause oftens time they are not ready for guests. On another note, Elizabeth Taylor requested to be fashionably late to her own funeral and they actually did that for her. I thought that was brilliant.
At my home, for important events such as Christmas dinner, etc., if you ain’t there when we tell you what time dinner starts, then tough luck. . . . we start without you.
If everything is eaten by the time you get your self there, then go down the road to McDonalds!
Being Fashionably-Late inevitably means that you are the center of attention. This is more so if YOU are the host/ the special guest.
Not only does it show that you are busy, but it gives you all of the attention AND all of the people you want to talk to you, will subconsciously WANT to talk to you too. After all, you immediately become the most interesting addition.
It’s not strictly good etiquette to be late, then again, define the time period of early.
You ahow up when you can. Whoever plans to be early or late is an idiot. There is no such thing as fashionably late. You are late or early or on time. Anyone who goes out of the way to make a statement is a tool.
I guess it depends on the event, your relation to the host and guests, and the size of the event. For instance, my extended family always has a traditional party on Christmas Eve, and we get to see the family that we haven’t seen in a year. But again, it’s all family, so we understand if someone has a busy schedule and can’t show up when the party officially starts, say 4PM. Food isn’t even served until about 7, so there’s a good three hours of just socializing and appetizers, which gives everyone an opportunity to take their time and get to the party whenever they can. No one comes after the main meal, and we’re usually all there an hour in advance, so for us, there really is no early or late. But if it’s a business party, or friends that like strictness, then I’d recommend 10 minutes late at the most, depending on the number of guests. A small party of only a few people, the tinier the time frame should be, say five minutes. But if it’s large like my family party, you could be an hour late and no one really notices because they had so many other people to socialize with.
As other people have stated, “fashionably late” never applies to dinner parties or other celebrations where an event occurs at a specific time.
As for “mingling” type parties, I know from personal experience that it is a pain in the neck for the host when your entire guest list shows up at exactly the same time. The larger the guest list, the longer the “fashionably late” window. If you arrive up to a half an hour late, you can never go wrong. It’s not so much about looking cool.
Important Question: Is the host AMERICAN,HISPANIC, or some other culture.
In most Hispanic parties, the”early food advantage” is of no importance as food is not served until very late into the party, and it is usualy a big, sit-down meal; not a “pick and eat” style.
Dancing is really the epicenter of the party, with mingling in between.
They typically run until the next afternoon with several guests sleeping over, so people leave early at 2 am, 3, 4 5 6am. and so on.
The American Parties I have been to are msotly centered on small-talk with several people, drinking, the snakc style foods, and often a sports game on tv. Time is mostly of the essence here and it’s rude to come later than 20 minutes after assigned time as it will end aorund midnight.
If everyone arrives fashionably late, let’s say everyone arrives 15 minutes or so late, the only difference from arriving on time is the time you arrive. Just saying..
I can’t stand people who try to be late on purpose. Up to about 30 minutes is no big deal. Beyond that how about just don’t come? Especially if the event has any sort of structure or fomality to it whatsoever. It’s obnoxious. I once had a friend show up to a fondue party over an hour late. Then she acted upset the food she brought didn’t get eaten. Everyone was pretty much finished eating by the time she even got there.
On time, without a doubt. If it is a dinner party, call the host/hostess if you are running late.
i never try, im just always late
its cool, cause people are loosened up and all very happy to see you, offering you drinks and whatnot so you immediatly get into party mode 
fashionably late is like the understatement of the year just becuase you are fashionably late doesn’t mean you will look any better
To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late and to be late is unacceptable.
I do not agree in being fashionable late! Some people use it only as a way in being noticed, all eyes on the arrival.
We should be more concerned with the host/hostess, if they say 7;00pm this means that! Not hours before or after. To do other is just rude, unless of course there is a genuine legitimate excuse for it.
Not that i try but most times im about 5 -1o min late. I wish there were 48 hours in a day
I believe that if your late, your late. You can not get kicked out if you are late for a party. If it was a wedding it would be best to not go if you’re late. My point is if you go fashionably late it shows that you are cooler in a way because it shows that you don’t care about the party and so people would respect you ore. However, if you miss something HUGE than no popularity points for you then. Thanks for reading
i’d love to be on time. i usually am running clear up to the moment i run out the door.
if the food is good i will be there
My parents school of thought is figure how much time it takes to get there. Start getting ready to leave five minutes before. After fifteen minutes of dad looking for cameras, mom brushing brother’s teeth, and bring-those-keys-back-you’re-not-driving, we leave, which annoys me.
Hmm… 30 minutes late sounds wayyyy too late. I would say around 15-ish.
Personally, I’m rarely late for a party. And if it’s one of my really close friends that is throwing it, and I’ll show up early. But if it’s someone that I’m not too close to, I’ll come pretty much exactly when they say I’m supposed to.
I don’t think there is anything fashionable about being late. I end up doing it all the time and all it does is bring grief.
If you must, be 5 minutes late or around that. No one actually expects you there on the dot but more than ten minutes is already a bit on the rude side in my opinion… Well unless you had a good reason but this question isn’t about that
celebrity makes always late.
Early to go a bit better, because early to give people a kind of respect and abide by the time of the impression, if not a punctual and do not respect others, I think the man ‘s character also has a problem, I do things always like a little early or arrive on time!
I try to always be on time EVERYWHERE except for 1 Annual Christmas Party I go to, The party starts a little after 5pm and usally lasts til the wee hours of the morning, It is a very elaborate party, usually 100 or more quests are there, They know when we will be attending as we are close friends and know we have a puppy to care for and let out before we leave. If it was an office party or an aquaintance I would definately be on time for the event as I would want to leave early!
Really, I choose whom I share my thoughts with!
I must go to different types of parties, or have different types of friends. No one gets offended if anyone arrives 3 hours late. If anyone arrives early, they ask what the host needs help with. No tension, just good times. Isn’t that what a party is about?
If you arrive more than 20 minutes late, I’d consider it rude. Noone wants to have to wait for you to arrive to do tthings, and as the guests that arrived on time will feel awkward and they will think they will offend you if you are late and they started whatever before you arrived. At the.most, 15 minutes late is okay. You probably wont be cool or fashionable if you arrive late anyways. But dont vw early unless you have told the host you will be early. There is a reason there’s a time set and the host will feel awkward if you arrive early and the house is a mess or things aren’t ready. Five minutes late to ten minutes late is my version of fashionably late.
Showing up early is good if you are best of friends with the hosts, you may even be able to help set something up. If the host is an acquaintance, I think showing up 20-30 minutes late is acceptable. If you are only going to make a showing, like for a boss you hate or something of that nature, I say showing up half way through then dismissing yourself when the time feels right is the best way to go. It all depends on the people involved when I decide how to approach it.
HAHA, early can be fully prepared, if late may indicate that you don’t respect others, if that is the case, I think a little earlier is better, so more reasonable, if do not want to lose a friend!
showing up late is more of a disadvantage, you miss out on introductions, the food will be all sloppy and you now stress the host with the trouble of getting you a plate. Just be on time or draw the line at 10 minutes.
If it’s informal, I don’t see why you have to be there exactly on time. If it’s for dinner or some other major purpose, then yes, being there on time is good.
Personally, when I host a party, I appreciate no one showing up very early unless they come and ask if they can help! I want to make sure everything’s ready on time, and if people start showing too early, then I won’t feel ready. Next time I’ll move the party back and extra 30 minutes!
i think should be 5 to 10 minutes late. becuase if you come early or right on time it might look like you are try ing to hard to impress the host.
A factor that determines if I show late or early is whether the host is someone close to me or not.
If we are really close, like almost sisters, I will show up early or right on time, so as to help out where I can.
If the host is an acquaintance or someone I’m only just beginning to know or like, then I may show up twenty to thirty minutes late.
Also, if it’s a dinner party, then I will always show up on time. It’s rude to show up when people are halfway done with drinks and nosh.
Oh and I don’t show up late to be cool, but so I don’t have to be lingering around waiting for people to show up, or events to start. That’s the worst!
Plus, in my social circles, hosts and hostess love the people who show later because they have extra time, in case something happens.
I think that’s stupid that people think those who show up late are insecure and don’t want to be noticed. What a stupid logic…. as if anybody would notice people more if they show up early or on time?
Show up early for business parties/meetings. On time for dinner parties or dates. But it’s perfectly okay to show up late for your regular private party. In fact, in my case anyway, I prefer if my guests are a little late, so I have some time after setting up to…breathe. It sucks if you have to entertain people before you’re even set up, or before you are mentally prepared. Having guests over is not always easy, and it requires the best of moods. I don’t think it will make you look any cooler, or better, or put attention on you. But I do think it’s better for the host. I’ll give an hour window, but recommend to only be late by 15 minutes, give or take.
Being fashionable late is disrespectful of others that may attend the event. Self centered and usually nothing to offer to society or friends for that matter. I’m thinking more like brain dead like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton types, yet handling anything from exposed porn tapes to degraded fashion yet, cannot keep a relationship together since they have no clue who they are, no clue how to think on their own w/out managers and psychiatrists. Yet fashionably late so you can get more attention from someone who actually does have a schedule. Pathetic!
I think if one of them said be late, and one of them said be early, why don’t you just go at the right time? :/
I always turn up to a party ‘fashionably late’ just to avoid being one of the first people there, which I always find slightly awkward. I always prefer the bulk of people to have already arrived when I get there.
Fashionably late is usually 15 minutes late (according to numerous book and even some movies). It’s used to make a statement and entrance at a party, so all attention would be on you.
Some times ago people made themselves “stand out” and become “popular” through being fashionably late.
Fashionably late is usually 15 minutes late (according to numerous book and even some movies). It’s used to make a statement and entrance at a party, so all attention would be on you.
Some times ago people made themselves “stand out” and become “popular” through being fashionably late.
Sometimes even the hostess might be fashionably late for her own party to make an entrance and attract all attention onto her. (Though, depending on your social group, being fashionably late as the hostess would be considered rude)
I think that it is important to try to be there at the people agreed time,simply because it was the time that you agreed upon.Sticking to it is a matter of honour. That said, sometimes being late is unavoidable and a good host will have no problem about this.
People who are deliberately late are not merely making a social gaffe or committing a faux pas. They are being unspeakably rude.
if the party is 2-4 hours long , id say 5-20 mins late.
if it is 1-2 hours long,arive 3-15 mins late.
if its longer than 4 hours , you can arive 30 mins late.
The complete Oxford English Dictionary traces the word jaywalker back to 1917 and labels it ‘originally US’. There is a cross-reference to the word jay, which has a number of slang senses. The relevant one is ‘a stupid or dull person, a simpleton. Also (as adjective) dull, unsophisticated; inferior, poor’. This is labelled ‘US colloquial’, and there is evidence of use from 1900. So persons who stupidly ignored traffic regulations were given (in Boston, it seems) this compact name.
Anyone insisting on appearing late is making the event about getting ‘much needed’ attention. It’s unnecessary, rude and an insult to the host(ess) who is trying to keep all guests entertained and fortified.
You should get there asap! if you start drinking early you will have a better time.
Well considering the party starts when i arrive, i dont really give a f*** if im fashionably late or not.
Put it this way
Early means eager
On time means you want to be there
A little late and you must be a busy person
Really late, you either don’t care or are organised
The only reason you would ask this is because you want to know/care about what people think of you. So that,s probably what people will think.
I just get there when i get there, no one knows if ill be early late or on time and i like it that way, but I,m never redonculously late unless i have a good reason because its rude and you miss out on food and beer!!
The party doesn’t start until I show up. So it’s virtually impossible for me to be late.
I’m still pretty young so I don’t go out partying at all. As a kid growing up my parents always liked to come a bit early to parties to help out in the kitchen or set things up, but that’s only if they know someone pretty well.
The rules of etiquette for what time to show up varies with the culture. In some cultures, it’s understood that you cushion the time by showing up 15-20 minutes after the time mentioned by the host.
In others, you need to show up at the exact minute of the scheduled time, not later, no earlier.
In still others it depends on the type of get together. Casual party – show up anytime in the range. Dinner party – show up at the time dinner is scheduled – or after cocktail hour begins but before dinner.
To be fashionably late is just an old-fashioned concept. Being late is not ‘fashionable’. It is not a ‘trend’ that I think is likely to make anyone, even stars, look good. I think it makes someone look pretty bad if they show up late to anything, whether it’s a party or not. Punctuality in all things is not something many people would admire, however, some people consider it to be pretty important..and I’m one of those people.
Mike -For you, fashionably late is when you don’t show up at all.
Being early is a pain in the neck to a host. They may not be done preparing, and then they’ll have to worry about you feeling awkward standing on your own.
Don’t be late, either; it’s irritating when a host puts work into a party to only have people show up late. It’s awfully inconsiderate, and they just may be waiting on you to get things started.
I say that guests should arrive on time or, at the most, five minutes late for something casual to moderately casual. Business calls for right on time. No exceptions.
I have always been brought up to being at every event half an hour early, and for a lot of people that is definately NOT ok. Yes i can see why. So i now i try to be 5 minutes early or right on time. I like it when people are on time or early.
If you are 5 minutes late, that’s fine with me.
if you are 10 minutes late, it annoys me
15 minutes late, drives me nuts
20+ why did you even bother showing up?
Hey. A little late is fashionably late. Too late, not cool. you miss out on a lot! Get there 10 min late at the most. Just dont be there on time. Thats not cool.
Unless you want to help me decorate and setting up….come late. At least 30 minutes late. I also hate when I arrive early to an event. No one is there and it’s a drag.
I used to always arrive a bit late, to give hostess time,,to not feel awkward if I am first to arrive. I recently read a parenting advice column about a kid who was anxious about school. The recommendation was to never arrive late- to be the first, it would be easier for the child to settle in and see people arriving rather than come into a crwod already in action. I don’t know, made sense to me. Not that I have social phobia but I’ve since tried it and it sets a tone, you do get to chat and relax, help out maybe with the hosts, I have found it kicks me off to being more social and sociable visiting with groups of guests as they arrive vs. trying to ‘in’ on ongoing conversation, and generally have a better time!
I think its sort of impossible to show up right on the dot- Think about it, there’s getting ready time, driving time, walking time. It adds up to what, 20 minutes, depending how far the place is from you? Just try your best to arrive closest to the designated time. Being a half an hour late is just unfashionable.
Showing up early, in my opinion, would be rude. You would want to give the host time to get everything ready. They gave you a time to arrive, why would you arrive before that?
if its just some work party on new years then i would say its cool to show up 15 minuts late, however if you show up any later you need some good quality wine or a six pack of beer then you are the coolest one there!
i wonder how fashionable fashionably late is for a date
I think its rude to show up late, esp to the host. I always show up a little early and try to help out and then i can always scope out everyone as they arrive before the house gets crowded. It is NEVER rude to show up early to help.
I think on time is the courteous thing to do.
If it was up to me, I wouldn’t go at all -_-
If it’s a casual party, showing up within 15 of when it started is fine. That way everyone is still getting settled in and it won’t seem rude if you’re a little late.
Showing up early is the worst idea. Chances are the host is preparing still and doesn’t need you standing around getting in the way and distracting them from what needs to be done.
Showing up later than half an hour after when the said time was, shows that you have no consideration as to what the host asked and you would be interrupting things that were started without you.
I agree:
if you arrive too early, you’ll be greeted by the hostess in curlers, not tidied, still decorating, organization and setting up things, also tying the dog up outside…LOL!
But arriving, so called “Fashionably late” is:
-Not fashionable. It’s not hip. It’s not cool. it’s just late, late, and very, very rude!!!
How would you feel if everyone arrived late at your party, when you are anxiously waiting to host it?
I think being “Fashionably Late” is really stupid in my point of view because you will miss all the good parts and you will have a shorter amount of time at the party and who wants that? Seriously I would like to stay longer than leave shorter and if you showed up too late the party would be over before you even got there, then the host/hostess would be kind of mad at you and you would be mad because it would have been the best party for you and you missed it. I think “Fashionably Late” is stupid, and if you do that because you hate the party than why even go? You could go somewhere and enjoy your life than be at the party you wish you weren’t at.
If we’re talking a party that is like a frat party (or other college chaos) then late is not a problem because there will be so many people that most likely few will even notice, unless you are a “guest of honor” so to speak.
However, a dinner party or gathering when you’re older, even if there are quite a few people (more than 10 but less than 25) being as close to on time is best. Early if you’re a helper and wish to make sure that the host/hostess has time to calm down before other guests arrive, but on time or within 10 to 15 minutes of the start time if you are simply looking to enjoy the party without worrying about coming into the home just as the host/hostess is putting the platters of snacks on the table or stowing the vacuum or broom away.
I think the only time you should actually be late is when you absolutely can’t get there on time. Being early is okay but sometimes it’s just awkward. I say you should be on time within a 3 minute range. It makes you seem responsible. It could turn out to be a good party and if you act like you want to be there by showing up ON TIME you might be invited to the next party. You don’t need an excuse to be the first to leave if you don’t want to be there.
The best way that I’ve found (if it last into the evening) you can always say that you are tired. If it’s during the day getting towards the afternoon you can still say that you’re tired. Naps are actually good. I don’t need an excuse for a morning party. People dont’ start their parties that end in the morning unless on a special holiday.
Arriving early can be good but, you do want to give the hosts to set up the good stuff. Throwing a party takes a lot of time. They still might want to change into nicer clothes. Like I said about the three minutes, it is okay to be like, 1 or 2 minutes early.
Fashionably late is kind of rude. When you come in late lots of people will start asking you questions. You’re taking away the attention from the people that slayed over an oven all day and got the decorations set up and ready. All you did was barge in 20 minutes late.
I have certain and unwritten guidlines to being late no matter the occasion. If you have to be late being about 3-5. Minutes is a step under making the host mad. Now the crossing line form being slightly off time is 7 minutes late. Personally anything over 7 minutes makes me mad unless you actually apologize and expain things. If you don’t have an explanation besides “coming on time is dumb” you might as well go to some one elses party. Throwing a huge party is hard and you can’t be nice enough to show up on time. If you want the attention throw a party yourself.
I would rather not be the first or the last – that way I have more people to talk to. I’m a guest so it’s not my job to worry about hurrying there so I can get a drink before there all gone – if I don’t get a drink – its on the host not me. I think that the host needs to realize what makes things complicated when a large group of people are coming together – everyone has schedules to fit your party in so you better be prepared when it comes to food and drinks!
Honestly it is rude to show up late. Of course there will always be people who come 10-20 minutes late so you shouldn’t have the meal planned to be at the very beginning of the party. Let them come in late and miss the appitizers. In any case if your going to be later than 20 minutes it’s pretty darn rude to not call.
If I’m going to a party that will mainly be close friends and I know the host, I show up early or on time because I can talk to the host before they get busy and can help get the last minute things set up. Maybe get some food early or a preview
If it’s a large party I would definitely show up early because I’m a bit shy and it is nerve-racking to show up late and have to search for people I know and interrupt everyone. It’s a good chance to scope out the scene and watch for your friends coming in. Plus that means you have a reason to leave early or if you forgot something you can go home and get it and still be back on time.
Either way it’s best to be a little early or on time and be going with a friend so your never stranded.
I agree with “Ask Men”. Showing up late would be the best way to be noticed, taking all factors into consideration — between being noticed, and giving the host enough time to set up. Being early would be quite rude, in my opinion.
People arrive at parties in “layers”, so regardless if you show-up early, on-time, or late it really doesn’t matter. Each time someone arrives at a party it adds a different element to the level of interaction and conversation. Although I prefer to be “fasionably late” simply because everyone is in “full party mode” at that time, I’ve had just as much fun the times I have been early or on-time.
I think way late is rude. Its like you do not care about the person especially on there bday. I think on work events right on time. Birthday partys early. Holiday partys right on the dot or a little later. Im the type of laddy who likes to be early. I mean who doesnt want to talk with the host and help get ready for the party. When i was a girl my favorite aunt every holiday would have us come over i loved helping with stuff. Like helping her make cake and cookies and stuff. My mom is usually 15 minutes late. One time we were going over to her house by mistake she told my mom it was earlier than it was so that they we were early. It was really fun! I really do not care if the guests are early or late just that they came.
i dont care whats traditional or fashionable. not really a believer in that stuff. we do what we can. try to get there on time or not too late (some i guess would like to know whats not “too late”). keep it that simple.
I am really, really tired of people who come to dinner late. We invite them to arrive half an hour before dinner, they ask when dinner will actually be served and then have the rudeness to aim to arrive just when I am supposed to be serving up. Then, of course, they never arrive when they think they will, so there I am spoiling the dinner trying to keep it hot, then act surprised when you phone, half an hour after the actual dinner time, to ask if they are still planning to come. Then they drift in and wonder why the kids fiddle with their food and don’t eat it. They don’t eat it because it’s ruined; the vegetables have gone squashy and the meat is dry. They probably wonder why I’m not smiling. And they probably think I don’t know how to cook into the bargain. I wish it was OK to put their dinner on their plates, have ours when planned, and let them have theirs when they condescend to arrive.
One pair of dinner guests actually had the idiocy to think my son had anorexia. He didn’t eat his dinner because, thanks to them, it was ruined because they couldn’t be bothered to arrive at the time invited, or at the actual time dinner was to be served, or even twenty minutes late. The vegetables were squashy and the meat wasn’t nice. We didn’t insist on having dinner at an early hour; we gave them the option of choosing dinner time, and the return they made was to waft in 45 minutes late. I’m fed up with cooking dinner for rude guests.
I think that unless a party with a sit-down meal taking place at a set time it is okay to turn up no more than 15 minutes late. Don’t turn up early, its just annoying for the host.
Why not just be a thoughtful person and make sure you are there on time ?
I don’t really go to formal parties, so all my ‘partying’ is just pool parties, hanging out with friends at someones house, and sometimes my bestie’s dad is grilling a little after when we get there…so I usually get there 10-15mins late, for two reasons.
#1: We live a ways away from our friends, and traffic is usually kinda bad, so we end up getting there 10-15mins late anyway.
#2: I dont like showing up early because then you have to help set up, which i dont mind, but i like to come to a party that is ready, and I haaattteee being the first one.
And when I get there 10-15mins late, as soon as people see me, they are already in the pool yelling my name and hugging me and tellin me “get in the pool girl!” annd things like that, so they obviously dont mind me being late
(or if its not a pool party they do the same thing but leave out the pool parts XD)
Its like going to a walk in movie, 15 minutes of advertising, so why show up on time? If your event starts at 7, start at 7. Why postpone your event or give 1/2 hour pre start (start 6:30) just like saying good by, it takes forever, I just pick up and leave. Usually Im so important to the event my exit goes unnoticed.
ermmmm mike is soooooooooo unfashionable