Do couples change after they get married?
Photo by The Welsh Poppy on Flickr
We have a proposition for you today! With the help of Sol, a 22-year-old psychology student and long time collaborator with Yahoo! Answers, we will give you a window into the mind of long-term lovers and how they feel about being in a relationship.
Disappointment and how to deal with it
Time takes its toll and constant interaction turns our “Prince Charming” into a different person from the one who woke Sleeping Beauty from her timeless slumber. It is fair, then, to ask how this happened.
Why do we detest men we once found seductive?
This is one of the many questions asked by women who are experiencing a rough patch in their relationship after Prince Charming begins to show his toad form. This, naturally, leads to disappointment. Not all is lost, though. There are ways to keep our dreamy other half from completely turning into a toad.
During the head-over–heels stage of a relationship, we grant our sweethearts attributes that have more to do with the perfect man of our dreams than the actual man we’re dating. We all have an unconscious model of what we want in a couple, and that’s the basis of our ideal relationship. When someone shows us signs of that ideal, we allow our imagination to take off and make tweaks and additions to match our unconscious ideal. Because all of this happens unconsciously, it is only natural to feel disappointment once we see that the man behind our hidden expectations, isn’t perfect or ideal.
It’s not uncommon to hear couples saying that time can wear down a relationship, which isn’t exactly accurate. What happens is that we begin seeing the person we are with for who they are instead of who we wanted them to be. The realization that they’re not perfect can happen suddenly or over a long stretch of time.
Contrary to popular belief, this is a good thing. One can’t (or shouldn’t) go about life loving the person in our head rather than the real deal. In many cases, this realization brings the couple closer together instead of breaking them apart. We begin to see that person from another perspective, and it’s important to keep in mind that everything changes. In essence, if a couple changes it means that the relationship is alive.
Another reason for disappointment is falling for a particular character trait and assuming (often incorrectly) that it’s a reflection of the person’s actions and behavior. We think that good sex is everything, that someone who is nice and sweet will always be so, and that intelligence applies to all areas of that person’s life. That’s not always the case, though. Contradiction is a human trait, and we each respond uniquely to different situations.
People say opposites attract, and there’s some truth to that. Sometimes we fall for people for the traits that make them different from us. However, it is not always easy for us to recognize and love those traits as time goes by. The tireless determination of a sports enthusiast can be appealing at the beginning of a relationship. But if you’re not into sports, that appeal can wear off. Similarly, an artist or intellectual might cause all kinds of dreamy sighs until his creativity is overcome by his disinterest in obtaining a more stable living arrangement and a real job.
The problem is not with our significant other. We are the problem. We cling to our expectations instead of taking notice of the person we’re with. We’re not disappointed because they’re different: we’re disappointed because they’re not who we want them to be. We believe it is possible to change the person we’re with and turn them into the model at the back of our minds. This rarely works. While some aspects may be modified, you can’t change an identity. Our significant others are not a garment to be tailored to fit us.
Remember that a positive attitude is paramount in learning to appreciate the virtues that we might’ve missed while focusing on the bad. Talk to your partner and make sure he knows about all the things you love or dislike about him. If things are good, don’t take them for granted. Keep all the reasons why you fell for him close to your heart. Communication is key to a functional and happy relationship.
Good Luck!
So: Psychology student
Sources: Bibliography and articles published by Beatriz Goldberg
-Yahoo! Latam Team
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people certainly DO change after marriage.
Marriage, is an adjustment as opposed to dating and courtship. The purpose of dating is to find a good match. Courtships’ purpose is to see how well the match will fit as the couple goes through various stages of development, including, will we get married, or do we want to look around. Once engaged, we start planning for the long term realities. Changes, transitions ought to occur during these different stages. Some pulling away from parents, especially the bride, may be necessary. If this does not happen, and this comes from experience, trouble arises in the marriage. Once married and the dust from the wedding settles and the transition from different living quarters for one, or maybe both, then the couple shifts to another mode. Of living their united lives. In the ceremonies, sometimes two candles are brought together, to symbolize that 2 lives are to become one. This is a process which takes years, and is not easy and often very difficult. The younger the couple, the more turmoil. He still wants to party and she wants other things which reinforce security. There are things which the man may not “get” and then he doesn’t “get”. The women have their own adjustment in being with this seeming “stranger” who is there for a part of the morning and evening, and in the bedroom, which to her may have been sacrosanct for ages. The best advice, is to give each other personal space. The best thing is to never stop courting each other. Make each day a special day for the other. Make unconditional love the trademark of the home. Never, never, ever, let the Sun go down on your wrath. Ever.
My opinion is, most people are shallow and marry for looks only. Once they start dating, they think having a baby will cancel out all the bad things they did before they started dating. Most people don’t understand real love at all, and if they don’t understand love now, they probably never will. Real love is doing things because someone else is suffering–without asking for anything in return. Real love is actually liking your work. Real love is intelligence. Real love requires patience-without namecalling or fraud. Real love is actual kindness. Real love is real romance, and sex. It isn’t chaos and destruction and being overweight and having seventeen children just to spite others. I may be speaking generalizations here, but those opinions helps people the most.
The longer a couple is together, the more chances they have to make a fool of themselves.
Of course the male and female tend to change after marriage, which is why people breakup to make up. The bible says there will be times in marriage when the 2 wish they never married, but that comes with the obligation of having a lifetime relationship
Well of course we change after marriage… Marriage is like shifting sand, the winds change direction, then there are the storms, rain, hail, etc… It all changes the surface of the marriage terrain and sometimes its core…. If the *foundation* is solid rock, then the marriage will last, if not, well, it could go either way….
Marriage is work at it’s very best and worst… It can get down right nasty and dirty or it can little effort, maybe just a little patch work now and again….
Why do I compare marriage to yard work ?? Well, think about it, mowing, pruning, trimming, watering, sun light, etc…. Marriage is a LIVING orangism… It will die with out the proper care, just as grass, flowers, etc…..
You MUST have the right tools…. Love, compassion, patience, honesty etc….. Some tools you borrow, some you already have *but don’t know how to use*, and others you get along the way….
You have to WANT to learn how to use ALL the tools properly, not how you THINK they should be used….
Marriage is a kind of art which needs to be whole heartedly cared. people change all the time, not only in marriage, but also in other kinds of relationship. Just because people do not care so much as marriage.
Of course there is change. Do kids grow up?
Before marriage, I doubt many discern the love amidst the hormones and loneliness. After a year or so, it begins to become plain if this is a selfish thing or if each is really looking out for the other. The clarifying process has begun.
Like two pieces of sandpaper against each other, sharp edges of each are worn away. A couple begins to “fit” together better, but only if they both are looking for it and working at it with long-term goals in mind.
There should not ever be doubts of each other’s commitment to making this a long-term partnership. There must be respect of each other, loyalty and unified stand before outsiders, like the best teamwork there is.
Remember “Fiddler on the Roof”? After XX years of an arranged marriage, he asks, “Goldie, do you love me?” What began, perhaps only as two friends, whose parents arranged their marriage has now become a profoundly deep, mutually loving relationship.
So, yes people change and they can determine the direction of that change to become better people.
The old curse, “May you live in interesting times,” can be adapted to “May you marry an interesting person”. It is a curse in a way, for there is no tranquility in interesting. There are no magic answers for the success of marriage because not all marriages are the same. A friend of our, an old Austrian psychiatrist, told us just before we got married, “Whenever you don’t feel like having sex, that is when you need to have sex the most.” That has certainly been helpful. Commitment and loyalty are also important.
One should never give the other for granted. When 2 people are dating they don’t give each other for granted but when they’re married often they do, it’s easier. the other is always there..wrong! If only one thought the other could go away at any moment would treat he/she like when they were dating. Never stop putting some effort in your relationship, the other may not run away from one moment to the other, but something starts to break into the heart when he/she feels ignored, not important, taken for granted
I have some experience on this, I am 50 marred and still love my wife jus the same or even moor
Yes the day you get marred a woman change a lot after a year or lest.
The problem begins with economy, and economy brings stress on both relation ship try to over come the ugliest shortages of money and pay the bills I had that problem at the beginning, my wife never work not even one day in her life, I was implicated to provide all the needs for her and the house in clouting the children’s.
Meany time I com home after 18hr work dead tire and I could make love to my wife and some times I work even moor , 7 days a week to make end mite, my lady stand tall and provide all the confer I need. I did not by a new car for her or me, and she did not ask me for she understand that other things are moor import, but we stick to gather and we come out million ere . To days woman wants new car new home new clothing and plenty good time and she care lest about the husband . if he can effort to take care her she create troubles and staring cheat with old boyfriends, that happening today with 75% of the women and open the doors for divorcés, also a man can not continue with hard work and send the wife to work, this point the beautiful lovers of pass become the enemies of the future and the destruction of once love turn to hatreds. To day the society believes in no morose and love, and the facts are as I seed above , society to day it turns the biblical time of (Gomorra and samara. )
usually there is a change – it either gets way better or way worse – a few stay the same – usually the ones that stay the same are the ones where each couple knows the other one very very well and have been together alot of years – it just diffrent for diffrent people – obviously a sucessfull marrage is based on real values and feelings good and bad – and accepted as is – i notice the good marrages are based on each other as opposed to what you have or dont have
Of course they change after marriage. Everyone changes individually, and this is bound to affect the marriage relationship. For example, a couple who married at 25, just out of college, marries. Both are professionals. They both are mature for their age and determined to make the marriage work. As time goes by, they become successful in their separate fields, increasing their self=confidence, financial independence, and personal satisfaction. However, the woman’s job is demanding of her time, and she has been spending more and more time at work to get the job done. Her bosses are pleased with her performance, industriousness and contributions to the company. Therefore, she feels obligated to continue to produce and to please her superiors.
Meanwhile, on the homefront, the husband, who has stable hours and is just as successful in his own field, cannot understand why his wife seems to have abandoned him for her job. At first, he is supportive, just as he always is, but after awhile he misses her very much, he is tired of staying home alone at night until 8 or 9 when she comes home too tired to do anything but fall into bed and go to sleep. He feels neglected. As a man with the desire to express his sexual attraction to his wife, he feels rejected as she is always too tired for him. He begins to act a bit agitated, and starts to say insinuating comments, but nothing that really tells her why he seems to be changing. A few months later, before you know it, he has a blow up. She didn’t see it coming. He still doesn’t really communicate to her what his real feelings are. She thinks he is falling out of love with her and can’t understand why he is so “testy.” She resents his intrusion into her happiness. They are now in opposite corners, looking at each other with eyes that don’t recognize the other anymore. What happened, they each wonder.
They may not have been able to predict that she would have a job that is so demanding of her time. She may not have realized that she would throw herself into her career so much, to the detriment of their marriage. He may not have realized that he needs to communicate his feelings.
They are in need of couples counseling if they cannot figure it out themselves. They still love each other, but resentment is growing. It is al really unnecessary since communication would have enabled them to set down some ground rules and allow for understanding of the other party. All the while she thought he was being supportive, he was thinking she was losing interest and trying to stay away from him.
This is just one story of how a couple can face changes in their marriage. It has to do with lack of communication.
Communication, understanding, respect, and willingness to work together for the good of each other and the marriage.
Continued from above-hit the enter button by mistake, sorry…
Communication, understanding, respect, and willingness to work together for the good of each other and the marriage was absent. Although they each thought the other was mature enough to handle marriage, emotions got the better of them, turning them into someone the other didn’t understand.
There are other ways couples change, especially if they are not mature enough for marriage. There are just as many dysfunctional people in marriages as there are in the community at large. Anyone can pretend to be something they are not in the beginning to attract the person of their interest. Once married, the facade begins to fade and the person’s real personality shows up. This is another way things change, and this is the hardest type of marriage to save because the individual needs work before they can begin to consider working on the marriage.
Marriage is a hard thing. It takes dedication, respect for the other person and for yourself, communication, honest observation, time and consideration. It takes maturity, wisdom, and willingness to look honestly at yourself. No one has a perfect marriage, because no one person is perfect. Keep on your toes!!
Do people change after marriage?
No, but the blinders that we put on ourselves fall off.
We have a tendency to see only the good, especially when we are lonely and afraid of being alone, then when our mate, the one we sore to love, respect and honor disappoints us, for some, they are crushed and file for divorce.
What should we truly do?
Move away from family and friends, start a life with new challenges and create new experiences to help the couple bond closer together.
Being alone, with the one you pledge your life too, will encourage you to work things out, both big and small. When that is accomplish then you, your spouse and any children born to this union, will flourish.
Actually it is the LACK of change that you are feeling. A new relationship is all about new feelings and experiences. You have the butterflies because you don’t know what is going to happen. You are seeing your partner for the first time and it is very exciting.
Generally, by the time you are married, there shouldn’t be any more surprises. You know what is going to happen before it happens. You know every inch of your spouse. Nothing changes anymore. Do you like a new pair of shoes or that duct taped pair you have had for 20 years that you just can’t throw away. You enjoy them both for different reasons.
it really depends on how much they love each other before marriage and on the depth of their love.
it depends their own charateristic
Such a stupid question. People, being the variable in this question, are all different. The only real answer is “It depends on the people involved”. You can’t have a single answer to a changing question. Some people change, some a little some a lot. Others will not. Such a stupid question.
Of course people change when they get married!
1] they get older, and with age comes wisdom [ for most of us, anyway ]
2] age also makes us fatter [ slower metabolism ] and have less muscle tone, and become grayer, and get lines/wrinkles…
3] luckily, our eyesight also deteriorates!
4] emotional maturity provides us with how to fight fair, and ‘choosing outr battles [ versus letting it 'go' ]
5] love and hard work keep people happily married
My husb and I have been married for almost 30 years, and still going…
Yes
People don’t change, they just get bored with each other, the initial sharing of past experiences and plans for the future eventually slips into a state of ennui where everything has been said before, As people get older they yearn for the excitement of their lost youths and want to recapture it, they will look at the staid comfortable person they married and realise that they no longer have a lover, but just a friend and in many cases not even that. Marriage is espoused laughably by the church as a lifetime committment which you should not break, the simple fact is that people want new experiences and excitement in their life, such as is oft missing from a long term marriage.
If it ain’t working get out!
People do change. I was flat out told by my husband(ex) that he got married so he wouldn’t have to date, we never went out anymore. He wanted to save money for our future. He made me keep a very tight budget, then when things got rough, he cheated at a 5 star hotel. Apparently dating to him was a lie just to catch a wife. Then when I had to change to suit him he blamed me for changing.
Yep. Many men become very controlling over their wives, and women just seem to bottle it up over the years. But the younger couples don’t have this happen to them that often. In fact, they seem to be happier then the older couples. Yay happiness!!!
Yes couples do change after they get married.. and the reason is simple…
Before marriage we explore only the small portions of each other’s life.. we meet for few hours and try to forget everything else.. so it looks like perfect. But after marriage…. everything is real.. u have to manage everything… u cann’t make love throughout the day… u have N no. of matters to deal with starting with homely needs to the office deals… and for that you need time and each other’s understanding. So we start comparing the previous non-marriage days with today’s conditions… but actually it is not right… Everything changes with time… and we must accept it… and try to adjust accordingly… so change is inevitable…….. but more we love each other … more we can fight it…
i think they feel like they can get away with more and change the way they act after marriage. then find discontent with each other. if the marriage is rushed
yes.I really do think they change and their relationship too.But sometimes things doesnt go like that.
yes couples do change but not all the time . i dont think you will change if you have a very steady trust worthy relationship. and if the sex is good then the relation ship will most likely not change!!!!!!
Only crappy people pretend they are perfect until they get what they want(get Married), then they throw all their garbage in your face, getting fat, farting, burping,eating with their hands and all kinds of bull-s* you can imagine..
the only way around this is to choose people who follow the Moto: Be yourself.
I think they do, but only because there is this abhorrent culture of having gross, tacky, expensive weddings. Couples get so wound up in having an extravagant, showy one day even, often putting themselves in debt and fighting for months at a time that once they realise real, married life isn’t like that, they often feel seriously let down.
I’ve been with my partner for nearly two years, and we have lived together for over a year. We plan to marry next year, but will not have children for at least 5 years. We want time to live together as a married couple and to enjoy being with each other.
Yeah, we fight, about some really stupid things. But we make ump move on and learn from our fights and mistakes. People need to realise life isn’t a fairy tale and with the ups come the downs.
The only thing that is constant in human beings is change, from birth to death. Hence, after marriage, couples surely experience changes in both their internal and external environments, which include the friends they keep or make, the places they visit, what and where they eat, the way they spend their money, the kind of film or shows they watch, their relatonship with their relations, the kind of work they do, their transition to parents, their views about life and religion, and above all, their sexual urge and intensity now that they have 24 hours freedom in this direction as married couple. Some change for the better, others change for the worse. But the fact is that marriage is suppossed to be “for better or for worse.” But unfortunately, many people do not have room or patience for “the worse”; hence the high rate of marriage faillure in the American Society.
i think people do change after they get married
yes they do change after they get married
I don’t think people change after marrage! I feel like my husband and I are dating. I do think people change after kids. I think that having kids is what really changes things. Then I do think that people change as they get older. You have to keep communication open and evolve and adapt with your spouse, and keep things working. Marrage doesn’t change people, people change people.
YES! Atleast for me.
I love my husband dearly, but he’s not the same since we got married, and I don’t mean over time. He changed the MINUTE we were wed.
He used to go all out for me, make sure I was happy all the time, and was so gentle and sweet. He’s still all of those thing, but at a fraction of what he was, and never all at once.
Now, he just sits on the couch, playing games and expects me to not only go to work just as long, if not longer, but also come home and pick up after him, cook (even though he’d been home for an hour or more) and my check has to go to the bills, and his is for spending (usually on himself).
IDK what to do and we’ve been married for 3 years. He was NOTHING like this when we were dating. He doesn’t even want to take me out anymore, unless it’s cheap or I’m paying.
And, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea, but I do NOT mind being a wife, with wifely duties. But it’s definately an unfair exchange. I work long 7 days weeks, plus college. He’s off by 3 most of the time, but when I finally trudge in after 8 from work, he expects supper. He goes behind my cleaning (which he does NOT help with) and just makes another mess. Sometimes, I don’t feel like his wife more than I do his mother! Btw, he lived with his mother until we were married, and that should’ve been the biggest eye-opener, but I was young…
Well, of course we do. If we all stayed the same person we were when we were 20 or 30 I’d be worried. I heard a funny saying once that as far as marriage is concerned, you can count on a woman changing and you can count on a man staying exactly the same. Now that can cause some problems! LOL!
Of course couple change after marriage, silly.
LIFE is all about change and as time goes by, we naturally change and adapt to our lives.
The important thing is choosing the right person to adjust to changes with. My husband is my best friend and we’ve been through some major changes together but we were TOGETHER during those changes and were there for each other to support each other.
Couple who go years without marriage, have changes in their relationships. Change is natural with TIME.
They stay exactly the same
People change all the time. Change isn’t limited to couples. So of course change applies to couples as well. But then it becomes the complicated “two body problem” from physics – not really but it is just as complicated since two people are changing so the dynamics are much more complex.
Of course couples change. People change. We all grow and learn daily, we can’t help but change. It’s part of life and we should expect it, not be surprised by it.
A couple must learn to grow as individuals, as well as a couple. Marriage is teamwork, marriage is working together, marriage is a daily effort, and marriage is worth everything that you put into it.
Marriage ebbs and flows, like all relationships. The trick is to take things in stride, not take everything personally, to accept your spouse’s growth as a person and appreciate it.
We don’t own our spouses. We don’t control them. They are not puppets or children or pets. We are equal partners with a spouse. Each has a right to have interests, activities, and friends.
As a married couple, we must learn to enjoy and applaud the other person’s accomplishments and happiness. We will not always be in synch, we will not always like the other person’s behaviour, but we will remember that we love each other.
We take the hard times with the bad, we don’t hold grievances, we let go of the past. We communicate effectively, we work together towards a common goal, we make sure that our disagreements are worked out to both partner’s satisfaction, even when compromises are called for. That way we don’t dig up things from the past that should be buried.
We don’t marry someone we don’t trust, can’t be open with, can’t communicate with, and don’t feel safe enough with to express ourselves emotionally and sexually. We are not children to marry for silly reasons. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. We enter into it carefully, knowing our partner well, and willing to take everything that comes with marriage with the best humour and grace we can muster.
We always treat our spouse with respect and our best manners, never saving that for strangers only. Our spouses deserve our best, not some stranger at a convenience store. We should never take our spouse for granted or become complacent.
We should never forget to date, even if it’s just once every week or two for a simple coffee or a walk. Hold hands, touch, kiss, have inside jokes, lay on the grass in the sunshine. Don’t forget the simple things because they are far more important than anything else.
And if that is too much to take in, think of it this way. Marriage is like a sports team. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. As a team, together you exploit individual strengths, you work to strengthen the weaknesses, and you have to set goals and work to accomplish them.
What a fake picture. Who walks like that in the fields?
I am 75 years old and have been married three times, so that gives you a bit of perspective on my experience. First, I’d like to go on record as saying that almost everyone changes after marriage since they are still growing mentally. My first marriage ended when my wife got the “Seven Year Itch” and took off with my ex-best friend. My second marriage died from boredom and the fact that my wife became a Born Again and he mother began placing Biblical quotes on my refrigerator. When I warned her that this was not good and she needed to choose between her mother and me, she chose her mother.
After my third marriage, we both changed for the better and now love each other more than ever. We are true Soulmates.
I couldn’t agree with all of these opinions more. I’ve been there and done that.
I have to say yes. Couples do change, because individuals change. It’s silly to thank that the person you met in the beginning and married will still be the same person years down the road. As we grow older and live with someone over time our likes and dislikes change. For instance, a voice we once found cute and sweet, over time could become irritating and obnoxious. You learn more about a persons behavior patterns the longer you live with them. That may not have been noticeable or present in the beginning. Also love has away of blinding one to small faults that can grow over time. Marriage should be a renewable contract. Let’s say every five years. If one decides not to sign, then the marriage is desolved with no one losing. If children are involved, then both parents are required to contribute toward the financial well being of the child or children, not just one. An annual total is calculated and divided into equal requirements. Not like it is today where only on parent, usually the father is required to shoulder the burden.
Of course couples change not because they are married necessarily but because people change as individuals which makes the couple change. Plus, once you have kids your whole world changes so again you as a couples changes. The important thing is, is that you grow as a couple together. Too many couples grow apart because they don’t grow together, they decide they need more independence, but you can’t grow as a couple if you do that. The Lord has been so great in our marriage and we learn all the time and we are always growing as a couple.
People like to get divorced so they can complain about their “ex”
OH YEA!-”WE SURE DID!” (but I do love her to death!)-Not ONLY IT CHANGED MY LIFE AROUND From a “Wild-Child/Metal-Head,”-IT CAUSED ME TO “QUIT GOING OUT & HAVING FUN”-LIKE THE OLD DAYS!-Cause being married isn’t like what you think-(IF YOU’RE NOT READY FOR IT-DON’T RUSH INTO IT-IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD GETTING MARRIED, DON’T RISK THE “CRISIS”/”DEPRESSION”)-or it may lead to a “divorce”….(thank god I waited till I was 38 to get married-I need a “LONG PARTY LIFE”-before I quit drinking….)
It would be ridiculous to think that people in general do not change; married or not. Every addition or subtraction in a lifetime adds stress and changes a life in one way or another. This stress is subjective; no two people experience it the same way. This can lead to miscommunications. It is one of the reasons I believe in building a strong friendship before marriage.
People do change over time, and sometimes they go in different directions. the difference si to encourage your spouse in the new found hobbies, and even try to get some new hobbies of your own, to build on your individuality. i’ve been married 14 glorious years, with our share of ups and downs, with lots of growth and changes!
Here’s the real deal:
When people get married, the man thinks that the woman will never change, but she always does. The woman believes she can change the man, but she never can.
It all boils down to a power struggle and the depth of respect each other has for each other. Everything else is secondary and can be worked out in any reasonable relationship.
good luck
I believe that after couples are married and spent quite some time with each other, it begins to change. Personally, men don’t do as many activities with their woman. My parents were married for quite some time (15 years) and then it just fell apart. So yeah, I do think that couple change after they get married and fall apart. Not all, but the ones I’ve been around. I do still believe that there can be two people that love each other until the very end and stay together. Of course, people change so couples change as well…
A man marries a woman hoping she never changes. A woman marries a man hoping she can change him.
In the end, both are disappointed.
Marriage changes nothing and I think that’s why so many of them fail. Couples go into it with expectations, thinking that marriage certificate will somehow improve the relationship, solve certain problems or otherwise make their lives better. I am a firm believer in committing to the one you love and am proud to be married to the most wonderful woman in the world, but whatever baggage you bring into that relationship will remain until you and your spouse, not your marriage certificate, do something to change it.
I think it really depends on the people involved and I really agree with what the article said about having a realistic view of the person you’re with. My husband and I dated long-distance for a year, then moved in together and dated for another two years before getting engaged.
After we got married, I was shocked at how little our relationship changed. We were still as close as ever and I had already learned most of his bad habits and how to deal with them.
It’s funny because my friends always ask me how married life is treating me and they’re always so annoyed when I say “The same.” ^_^ We’ve been married three years now and we’re still going strong.
I really belief If a man or Women falls in love and it is a mature love they will have a wonderful marriage because a Mature marraige is a love that is because a women or man loves that peson because he loves to need her and need to love her.Please don;t marry a person thinking they can change them you will get what you see 80% of the time.
When I married Miss Right I never realised her first name was ‘Always’.
or
A woman’s place is in the kitchen; a man’s place is in the wrong
If you are asking do they change perceptibly and immediately after they marry from the couple and individuals they were the instant before they took their vows, then the answer is “no” because that would be absurd.
But everybody changes. I know that at 65, I am absolutely not the person I was at 23, at 37, at 50. I don’t look the same and I am not the same. Similarly with a couple, but in a stable, long-term relationship, people grow together, experience similar things, slightly differently perhaps; still the experience becomes part of shared memories that are the glue that binds like Epoxy. These shared experiences harden into memories that become the basis for behaviors and choices, and change the couple in tandem. Change is the inevitable result of experience shared through time.
to me some couples change after they get marry in positive ways as they are now married they get to understand each other butter and they both bring their idea together which help alot since there is a saying that two heads are butter than one
Couples do change, even before connecting, and very much so after, rule of engagement are not the same as taxes allow, nor cultural indifferences, once entwined and embedded, ownership of grievances and suffrage pouches upon each others laws of gravity, and those can create turbulent fluctuation’s, sometimes better, sometimes distancing, and those type of couplings can bond well or fray apart, if unsure about rules, have prenuptials signed, as some laws may not applied until debts due part,
New lives together, require new mutual rules, not old standards, best take a cruise or flight, and tie the knot on a bon-voyage, mile-high trip to never-never land again, and have better castings with the crewed mood of belonging, freedom to chose is choice,
sometimes they do. sometimes they get tired of them being around them all the time. it,s different then dating. dating you pick them up then drop them back off after the date. being married you see them all day long.
All marriages go through stages. Couples who decide to get married need to realize this. The main thing is to accept the person just for who they are and nothing else. If couples can do this, most likely the marriage will work. NEVER idealize someone or imagine in your mind beforehand how you would like the person to be. You can never change someone and when you discover that your mate is not the person of your dreams, it can become dissapointing. Marriage is to know the person first and to accept them for who they are, taking the good with the bad. It’s the only way, nothing else.
Everybody will change multiple times in their lives as they grow into adults and learn things about life and themselves. Your opinions, views, humor, ideas, tastes, EVERYTHING. You can’t help it, and it’s not always a bad thing! When it comes to a marriage what matter’s is that both people change in a way that is healthy for their relationship. Obviously, there are the bad changes like addictions and such, in which case your spouse is not the only person affected and you need help to work through it. But if it’s just minor changes, and a couple got married for the right reasons in the first place, I believe that the changes are what keep a relationship fresh and interesting.
but does the bible really intend for you to stay with someone who abuses thier place as the head of the household?
I don’t believe people change with marriage but I do believe that their true nature is revealed. Marriage brings about a comfortability that allows them to be their true selfs. There is not need to impress the other or to have pretenses to keep them happy. Once that pressure is removed with marriage, the true person is revealed. Unfortunately, it is often the bad habits and the ugly tendencies that are shown for the first time. That is why marriage is so difficult because you truly feel as if you did not marry the same person you knew beforehand. In the end, if you can accept these new discoveries, marriage brings about a bond that is not easily broken.
People absolutely change after getting married. The whole purpose of marriage is to promise to stick with it through the change. That’s why marriage is such a big deal. It’s meant to be the ultimate committment!
“after Prince Charming begins to show his toad form” hahahaha believe me he is and has always been toad but u wasnt smart enough to notice
of course we change…hopefully for the better. Once we get out of the lust mode, or honeymoon mode, we must learn to live with each other, our love should grow and we become comfortable with each other, and by being comfortable we just take things for granted. While the love grows our respect for each other does too, and we like as well as love our partners…its no longer about me, its about us. For those that cant get past that, the marriage is doomed to fail.
The hamster says “this naturally, leads to disappointment.” As a divorce attorney, I must say that this is the source of an unhappy marriage: an idea that people change after marriage. People don’t change after marriage; their personalities remain the same. Things that can change are values, outlook on life, goals, money, physical attractiveness and expectations. When you base a marriage on these things which are in no way permanent, there is a significant chance for divorce when they do change. Those who base their marriage on compatible personalities remain together. Too often have I seen those who believed they were marrying one person, but felt they had changed. What changed in reality were the dreams and expectations. These people married an idea they projected onto their spouse, a fantasy. The spouse never changed, only their perception of that spouse. Believing your spouse has changed will indeed lead to disappointment, but the things complained of when they enter my office seeking a divorce were always present from the beginning.
The root of their behavior is in how they were raised and how they interact(ed) with their parents. Its something most of us never stop to do or think about and getting to know both parents (if possible) will tell all.
Two comments.
(1) Yes, people do change after they get married. All people change throughout their lives. Change is not constant unidirectional growth: it’s more like two steps forward and one step back. Married couples have some special challenges: they are both changing, but not always in step. I can testify to that from my own unhappy experience of marriage and divorce.
(2) Only about one in a million answers matches the quality of Sol’s answer at the top of the page. But the sad truth remains, if Sol had given that answer to a real live question on Answers, there is a 90% chance that the questioner would either have let it go to the vote or given best answer to one of their fans. That is why true quality is harder and harder to find here on Answers.
Everyone changes – married or not, that is what life is about – new learning experiences and growing from them. The great thing about marriage is finding that person who also sees life the same way – the journey and then doing that journey together. If you are both able to grow as people and share those experiences with each other then you change together. I think the problem comes when people want or view marriage differently from each other, or they enter it for the wrong reasons. But ultimately who you are does not change – the what it is that makes you YOU.
It works both ways – usually after the man gets nailed
the woman loses most of her interest in sex. No wonder he turns into something different.
Most people lie while theyre dating, because they want to impress the other person. It’s impossible for Marraige not to change a relationship, because most the time you end up marrying someone you don’t really know anyway.
Of course they do. People change and hopefully grow together in marriage or they grow apart and end up sleeping with a stranger. Marriage takes work, let’s face it quite a bit. While many Americans are good at multitasking, a marriage takes devotion and love.
Yeah. Of course, it is right. Couples changed after they get married because of changing their requirement, interest, roles & responsibilities of life.
I was with my hubby for 5 yrs before we got married. Neither of us ever thought we needed or wanted to be married until we did. We just both felt the need and got married. We were just as committed to each other an our relationship as before but it is different now.
We still try not to take each other for granted, we still try to make the other happy and we still work together towards our goals even if that is just offering support. We are the first person to tell the other when they are doing great or calling the other on bad behavior.
The biggest difference is that we somehow are treated better by the rest of the world. As if our piece of paper makes us a real family and we weren’t before. We were but others didn’t see it that way all the time.
For each of us personally and we have discussed this the act of taking those vows together was the ultimate way to show each other how much we loved each other and were committed to each other. Before we were married we stayed because we chose to stay and it is the same now and it is a huge misconception that unmarried couples prove their love by not needing a piece of paper. We have that paper and a whole lot more.
My closest friends say I am different. I don’t really know how but I know that he loves me and that somehow in some small way feeds my soul and for some reason until those vows I never felt it so strongly.
We have been together over 8 yrs and grow closer every day.
Marriage does change you and your relationship and if you chose well, live with personal responsibility then you will see it changed you for the better!
A relationship article that finally speaks the truth. A very good, factual analysis that I agree with.
Ah, psychology students win at life (only certain ones, like the author and myself). ;D
Yes they do…they go through more rough times like..
-Wife/Husband finds out she/he has to work so they can make a living= More arguements
-If kids then whos gonna take care of them while parents at work= One parent ends up not working which makes less money
-The wife/husband starts to feel more comfartable with him/her and reveals her/his true self= better relation or worse(depends on the character)
-They ( in most cases) do not appreciate each other the way they did before because they are so used to the others presence (so much that there more like friends.)
This is my opinion from my Dads and Step moms marrige.
yes most do , they get familiar, lose respect & loyalty forget the others needs & think only of there own needs,
Dan
yes they become familiar wich each other lose respect & then think of there own needs not the other
I dont think that we really change… Its just that we get to know our spouse better and through good and worst normally we see their true colour. Sometimes its good but most, we find that it is something that we think we can’t take.
I recently read online about how the honeymoon phase is filled with a lust caused by the extremely high dopamine levels during this time.
This causes the Love, Lust and Bonding.
After marriage and settling down, Dopamine plummets and that’s why there’s less lust. We start realizing flaws in our partners that our hormone filled lust made us overlook
So yes we change but because of our brains and not a conscious choice we make.
Hi there
I believe that yes.After the couple gets married both believe that they will be together forever so they do not impress one another and it has a result in a boring life!If they don’t get married they will do anything to hold their love partner!Everybody believes that marriege is the end of the relationship but in my opinion it’s the beggining of it!
Relationships generally change over time, it has little to do with marriage itself.
To start off with, you are trying to attract the other person’s attention and impress them. Next, you start to get to know each other more and the level of intimacy begins to deepen. As time moves on, the “newness” factor wears off and you become more comfortable with each other.
hahahaha i agree lulu! a toad indeed!
I have seen people change who they are for a relationship in the beginning. We all do this to varying degrees, but I believe that the younger or less experienced in life we are the more we think we are willing to change. One of the problems with young love is that we are not often familiar with our adult selves enough to be propperky represented in a relationship. We make changes and compromises because we believe that if you love your partner you will do anything for them, and you put yourself last. You make compromises that are just not in your nature all for good reasons, but these are compromises that your adult self just wouldn’t make if you knew yourself well enough to begin with. I have seen many of my friends marriages fall apart because they thought that live was enough, and slowly learned that they had forgotten to love themselves enough not to make major compromises. I believe that as we mature we Get to know ourselves better. We are able to know the major things that make us happy even though we never stop growing as individuals. Once we enter a relationship maturely we tend to pick a partner that is a better fit instead of assuming love conquers all. Love is a very powerful thing, and even in the failed marriages I’ve seen the relationship never failed because of a lack of love. This of course does not mean that you cannot find the man if your dreams at a young age. Many are lucky and find the right fit immediately, but this happens either out of luck or knowing oneself.
Yes people do change after they get married. But not all change is bad. You may find yourself more attracted to your spouse as you see him/her take on more responsibilities that benefit the family. I literally grew up in my marriage. Although in some ways I am still the same I have changed and that’s not a bad thing.
Not all, but most couples certainly do change after marriage. It really has nothing to do with marriage itself, but more with people’s honesty, and/or changes in expectations.
I think many people try extra hard and/or straight-up do things they wouldn’t normally do BEFORE marriage in order to measure up to standards or expectations that they feel are vital to the relationship or to a marriage in the future. But once they get married, these expectations in their minds are suddenly gone and it becomes MUCH harder for them to behave like they did before marriage.
You could say that people have a tendency to be the best version of themselves before marriage, but after marriage, they have to return to much more ordinary version of themselves because maintaining all that extra effort is just unrealistic.
Or you could say that people are just a little dishonest about who they actually are before marriage, and after the question of whether they will get married or not is answered, more honest behavior emerges.
Yes they do for some reason couple does change after they married.
Yes, people do change after marriage. Courtship is when we’re all on our best behavior, hiding perhaps unpleasant attributes of which we’re aware, and putting our best foot forward. After marriage, day-to-day life takes over and our reactions become those to which we’ve become accustomed, ie, learned in childhood by watching our parents. A guy who was open and communicative during courtship may feel overwhelmed after marriage and close down like his father did. He may throw himself into work to “support” his spouse, and neglect the relationship. Similarly, a woman who seemed happiest with the small things when a couple were dating may have totally different goals after marriage, eg, a house, a family, a certain “lifestyle.” The key to making marriage last is to have similar values and goals in life. Talk about what you want before marriage – do you want to own your own home, business, etc? Do you value religion, education, etc.? Do you want kids, how many? And to keep those values and goals as your rock-solid foundation. Too many people think the grass is greener on the other side (ie, with another person), but soon realize that person has just as many, though possibly different, foibles as the one they left. Just because the relationship has changed or is different doesn’t mean it’s bad. You do have to let go of some dreams to live in the reality.
Yes couples do change in good ways and negative ways. But, if both partners truly love each other? They will learn to keep the lines of communication open. If one partner is having a problem? It makes the problem both the couples problem. We all have a masculine side and feminine side, both male and female do. It’s learning how to talk to each other. I believe when you get married, you are to accept each other for who you are. Medical, financial,etc. can cause some strain. But, changes can be good. If you and your partner are 100% compatible? It isn’t going to work too well anyway. You have to leave room for mystery and some things are great when you leave things up to imagination.
100% people do change after they get married. it may not be right away but they all change.
life is a series of changes. it would be wrong to try to stay the same. however its always good to change from bad to good if possible. so couples change too and that is a healthy thing if they don’t change from good to bad.
Well, im not married for i am still a teen 2 yrs from being an offical adult. But from the things that i see with marraiges, yes the couples do change over a period of time. all i can say is that with God on your side and as long as he is the center of your life/marriage, things will and can surely work out.
Both you and your spouse malexfemale, have to work together to make things work for the both of you. its a team efford not one do everything there is no “I” in team as my mother would say.
i hoped i helped with some of my advice
From my experience, men hide things until you are married. (I’ve been married 3 times) They really are a different person. My first husband used to treat me like a princess until i said, “I do.” Then I found out he was a wife beater. My second husband would take me out, do things with me, help me with my car or something around the house; after I said, “I do”, he TOTALLY stopped taking me out (said, “I’m not going to DATE you, that’s why Igot married!”), never helped around the house or the car, never spent any time with me and rarely helped with our three kids. My 3rd husband pretended to be a real family man, a real church goer, a good man, only to find out he hates my family (i haven’t had them for a sunday dinner in years, and he used to be a part of them when i had them before we were married. never said a cross word – always seemed to enjoy….??), is possessive of me like nothing else, does not put God first, and would never step foot in a church if I didn’t ask if he was coming with me. Sigh. It’s been awful.
This article was odd because it was written from perspective that the man is at fault and women are perfect. Very very odd. In addition, if you started out your marriage believing good sex is everything, you started with the wrong focus and that could explain a lot about what is wrong with your relationship. F to the psychology student.
Absolutely married folks change, mostly because the vast majority of humans mature as they age. If you go into marriage knowing that it is not for the faint of heart–nor the severely independent-minded– then you will not be “disappointed” in your husband/wife. Remember that a man and wife agree to each become a part of a whole, not like two separate roommates living under the same roof. If you cannot accept that then don’t get married… it simply wouldn’t be honest. People mostly change they allow things to roll off their back; if you know that the person you marry is not perfect, then you have a healthy start to marriage. Disney stories usually work on screen only because someone else picks up the dirty laundry and magic helps the hair/clothes/style/gardens/homes always look “just right”, all the time. However, if you are aware that such a situation is not possible (without a plethora of expensive housemaids, gardeners, hairstylists and credit lines at high-end stores) then you also have a healthy world view to begin a marriage. Honesty makes living with someone so much easier than having to protect yourself constantly; on the other hand dishonesty is what causes that initial honeymoon love to melt away, causing each to think the other has “changed”, and usually not for the better.
After nearly 15 years of marriage and four children, I have indeed changed; I’ve grown up from a rather naive young woman of 18 to a 33 year-old mother of a teenager and three other growing young folks… able to juggle two businesses with my husband, keep a home, drive kids to ballet, piano lessons and friends’ homes, write, garden and still keep my sanity.
My love for my husband remains, but it too has changed: it is far stronger, patient and understanding than it was when we stood nervously at the alter, taking out vows. So, yes, married folks change; whether you change for better, or worse… that is entirely up to you.
“Remember that a positive attitude is paramount in learning to appreciate the virtues that we might’ve missed while focusing on the bad.”
I was having trouble with my relationship. I sought the advice from a psychic on Oranum.com They helped me understand love, my relationship, and what I was looking for. Love is the one of the most complex and powerful attachment we can ever experience with someone. We all want love and want it to last a lifetime with marriage. Some lovers are meant to stay a short time. My reading showed me i was blinded by emotions, and helped me see what I was really looking for.
yes. you married for better or worse. not “to stay the same”
marriage is like a bird trapped in a cage ,desperately itching to get free ,the birds outside the cage envious to get in .Everything in life changes ,including change itself .
Change is the only permanent thing on earth. human being do change cos we grow, what u need is to continue to appreciate each other and pray.
Believe it or not, Yes after marriage we all change. I have been married 2 times, the first time for 18 years the second, so far, 12 years.
In all honesty the best relationship I had was the time in between the two marriages when I LIVED with my second wife for over 5 years. Living together made us both realize a lot about each other, it also made getting married a little easier.
Though Living together was a good thing, I was constantly being reminded that I would not Commit. So one day after one of the,” You just won’t Commit.” Excercises, I told her that I had learned from the Previous marriage one thing that was very definite, Although we got along alright and we had some great times and 2 Terrific kids, we grew apart in the bedroom. I do not know what it is or why it is, but for some reason we MEN expect the same amoubnt of SEX 17 years later as we were having prior to our marriage.
We men sometimes, Not all the time, but sometimes feel that we were trapped misled into getting married as we assumed that teh sex life would remain the same as it was BEFORE we got married. Men re very, and I do mean VERY gullable and we do make that assumption. Ask any married man that has been married for more than 6 years how his sex life is and you will more than likely get the same answer as I am giving you here. It changed tremendously from when we were dating..
SO to make a long story short, My new wife and I agreed that the day we were married we would agree that our Sex life would remain the same as it presently was.. Guess what?? I have never been so happy as I am now and I think she feels as I do. We are MUCH, much closer than my ex-wife and I ever were. We enjoy life together as well. I am not saying that sex has made all of the difference, I am saying I am not assuming any more.
There is the fact as well that as we mature, sometimes we tend to out grow the other person in teh relationship. You can’t allow that to happen, you have to want to make it work and you have to communicate everything to each other, no matter how much it may hurt to tell your spouse the truth, it is better than teh alternative..
yes …almost change
I think it depends on how long the couple was together prior to marriage and how long they dated. My wife and I were together for five years and lived together for four of those years, so things didn’t change that drastically at first. If not, you need to adjust to getting to know your partner and most imporantly, getting to know his or her living habits and the dynamic of both of you living together.
I do feel that your opinions and the way you get along also change drastically when trying to purchase a home (and then subsequently moving into that home) and kids. Kids seem to be the biggest wrench in the mix, not as a bad thing, but because they make both partners change in various ways that are unpredictable. Having said that, I love her just as much today as the day I married her and although our relationship may have gone through changes – neither good nor bad.
I also feel that the most important factor of marriage is that you remember two things:
1.) Never believe it can end. The moment you do it gives you an out and marriage is difficult, moreso than you would expect at times. Stick to your commitment.
2.) If one of you has a problem with the marriage you owe it to the relationship to tell your partner. Even if they don’t agree (and they probably rarely will), the partner needs to commit to helping the other with this problem. It will extinguish the big issues in marriage or at least put them on the table to begin the process of fixing it.
Everyone changes daily no matter who you are due to emotional, mental and physical maturity levels. We are all growing in all these areas and every piece of knowledge or wisdom and even bad advise we receive will make us make decisions that change us…. some for the better and some for the worse. In a committed relationship that change can always stay to our benefit if we remember that LOVE is not a feeling nor an emotion but a decision that is only reached with time and the longer we stay married to our partner the stronger that love will become based on that decision because when the infatuation and desire that attracted us to each other wans, which it will, then the decision to LOVE that person for better or worse and for richer or poorer and in sickness and health will wax true and strong between us because it is a binding decision. IF we do not see love in that light then when the emotions leave and the desires wax cold then we will think we are no longer in love and will find another partner. A bad decision that we will always regret since you can really only have one true mate for life. All the others are just us trying to find what we will never find since we didn’t DECIDE to LOVE our mate in the first place for the infatuation and desire will wax cold with the second and third, etc. choices we make for a mate just like they did for the first one and we will think we are no longer in love with them either.
Yes. Couples become more responsible especially once they have their own home they have to pay off and children to support. Other matters become more serious in the relationship and the honeymoon stage is over.
Yes they do! I think they change because they spend too much time together, and they live together, so they need space and alone time, so they tend to yell and shout. And they end it and end up not mending it.
Yes, that’s when the true color comes out.
People always change over time, with the relationships they make, married or not. So of course you are going to change during the course of your marriage.
Think back- how many of your friends from college or your first job do you still talk to? Not many, most likely. High school? Even less. Middle school? Elementary?
It is natural and healthy to change as a human being, but it is important to allow for this in your spouse or any person you wish to remain close to, and that they do the same for you.
Of course people change because marriage is a way of living that requires things out of people.
When you are married you put your spouse first and vice versa. Your social life centers around your spouse. That’s part of what being a couple a demands.
It rolls out even more when you have children. You drop down with your spouse when the kids come along. Marriage is a lifestyle and some people are not cut out for it. People change to meet the expectations that marriage requires.
In my experience (being married twice) I have to say that in both situations the man figured “Hey, now that we are married I can be the Real me, and no matter how much i’m a jerk, she’s Stuck with me.” And I changed by saying, “I deserve better” Haha Never again.
yes. because of many adjustments. and the nature of being married is different coz you’re staying in a single house 24/7.
In most cases, they will be having kids or already have kids. Thus priorities change. Realisation that life is not only about the self may happen. Responsibility of another’s life becomes more clear. How actions reflect on others become obvious. Choices, decision, responsibilities, view, everything change. But anyway, it is always like that during each stage of our lives. We never end learning.
Yep! One gets fat the other gets lazy.
In a relationship between and bf/gf there are things that aren’t actually appearing to you at times. But once the couples get married, some of them started noticing things for the first time such as, they don’t like the way he/she chew his/her food or he/she has bad breath in the morning. In my opinion when married, women expect men to change which they don’t, men expect women to stay the same (like that’s going to happen).
It’s all in your mind, if you think that everything will change, then it will! But otherwise everything should stay the same, except…
You couldn’t love him/her anymore or you could get annoyed!
yes it does
People change before, during and after marriage. In other words we are always changing because the universe is always expanding and so are we since we are one. Why would anyone have it any other way?
Insecurity?
Recent research says that if the female was on birth control pills during dating and she stops later her phermones change! Phermones are imperceptible to us so far as a conscious realization but they drive even the activity of bees. In fact beekeepers use smoke to calm bees because then the excited bees sending a phermone signal to the others is masqueraded by the smoke (according to a recent Smithsonian Channel piece).
Do couples change after they get married?
Yes, they are change.
That comes with responsibility for second person.
Together, is no longer separate free louder, that they
are must change own life to value love and family.
Yeah. They get fatter. And, older.
Absolutly! We as humans are allways changing, good and bad… No marrige stops that, just sometimes interferes with it.
How could any two people NOT change when they move from a less committed relationship to a totally committed relationship? The seriousness of the change in the level of commitment alone brings the couple into a whole new realm of relating, which brings on a whole new outlook for them, on them, and their world. As well, the change from a “dating” relationship, in which they have their own individual living quarters, to a relationship in which they share a confined physical space 24/7, brings on an intensity and a routineness, and boredom, that, once again, alters their perspective on their own lives and their life as a couple. As well, now their finances are intermixed, and that’s a whole ‘nuther matter which changes the relationship entirely.
Marriage changes people for the better. If you have in your mind that it is okay to get a divorce then don’t even get married, because you are not ready. It is not okay, you have to work through the problems until they are solved, don’t even think the divorce word or it will disolve the union before it even gets going. There is no problem to large that can’t be worked out if you put your partner’s feelings first, which is hard to do sometimes. We are on our 26th year and it’s been hard but not impossible. I was married before, he wasn’t. I came into this marriage knowing there was not going to be another divorce, so it helped us work problems out.
I think the best description I’ve heard is that marriage is not a contract, it is an ongoing negotiation!
Well, couples are people, and people do tend to change. But honestly- I doubt several will. Love is an amazing thing- and It works in amazing ways. In ways you wouldnt believe. Love can sure as hell change a person- But not for the worse. But love can also make someone turn for the worse as well- such as loss of a family member, or partner. But I believe that if they moved together *As in spiritual and things like that, not actually MOVED together* and were just plain happy with their life, they could get by. Heck, my grandparents are STILL together- at the age of 89 and 81. Theyve been together for 69 years. So have several other peoples grandparents. And if they can I think anyone can stay together that long. Its a patner effort. and if the other person isnt trying- Theyre not worth it. Now I know completley nothing about Marrige -I am only 13- But i know change, and love. If they change I dont think they were ever happy in the first place. But maybee im wrong.
Absolutely! My father was a laid back, loving, calm, hard working man until he married my step mom. Before, when they were dating they were happy, in love, wanting to be togeter, my father would kiss her, and it was like a fairy tail.
Then, the summer aftr they got married, so about 2 months later, they were threatening divorce, yelling and screaming in front of my whole family, and didn’t even want to be in the same house. It was horrible. That was about 3 years ago and they argue at least 4 times a month, threaten divorce every argument and my father is miserable.
So, my opinion is that marriage changes people and they feel that they have to spend every moment together which is the problem. People need space. That is why so many marriages fail.
It’s not marriage that changes people, it is time. People change over time and grow apart.
Why yes of course everyone changes and to think that this would not in some how affect couples lives is wrong. I have been married for 8 years now and have known my wife for a lot longer. We are still both very happy but there are some things that have changed since the beginning of our relation ship,and this I am sure will happen to every couple.
I dont know if its so much as truely change but if you don’t take the time required to fully get to know a person .. of if the person you’re with only shows you what they want you to see.. than yes there is natural change. The man I married flat out told me even, “I did what I had to “get you” and now that you’re mine I don’t need to spend time tryen to impress you . Needless to say he was under the impression I would never file for divorce. Just keep it real from the start people !
Change is inevitable. It is the couple that is well aware that life is continually changing, that will stay together through any changes. Because they are committed to each other they are ready to face those changes together. Change does not have to mean love gets weaker or they grow apart. LOVE is totally separate from change and can grow through ANY chnages.
Yes of course you change! If ur married or not-your going to change! Why would a 22 yr old want to know for her work?Yes of course, hands on but if they write about it, thye are not the ones who experienced it now are they? You have to be there. Like a rehab councilor who took that walk & know what it’s like to have an addiction. It’s stages of ages & I too learn off other couples who’s older then me. However even I have been married longer then most of them. I married young & my husbands older,but im am very observant & senstive to life, people, my soroundings-eveything. There are times when a couple fall out of love. But house & kids will keep them together. Then one ‘thinks’ what have I got. So you sertch your memorey banks & find the good & start knowing it wasnt that bad & he loves you & takes care of you. My night & shinning armor was there when it counted most. Then comes the respect,& you just can’t give that up! You grow into one person,no one would be like the other.Your astablished in sorts.One calls & the other knows whats going to be said & finishing the conversatin. I made chicken,I know you did,I was thinking & that’s what I wanted tonight! That’s only something & things a couple grow through. No one could know that but two who been together think & thin.One of a profession such as who’s asking this would say,don’t settlle,go out ther in have ‘YOU’ a life,get rid of your partener! It’s about you! I beg to differ,that’s so wrong.[and so easy] It isin’t just about me! I am not that selfish & it’s a history with that other person who was with you through it all! I have no respect for those so called profesonals. How the hell would they know?That’s why most are lonley & devorced,as well as the ppl they told to go out & make it about you.I’m not alone & having hardship,nor would I think I need a man to compleat me. I have a life long ‘other’ 1/2 that im sticking to to the end~My hub ask me this when I was 17-Are we going to grow old togther?I shyly said yes,inside I was yelling to the roof! YES I AM! So many roads,many twist & turns,still her we are together as if our hearts were of 1 vehicle. I wrote a poem for him once that had this in a hand made card,I wrote my self. I wrote it in hub pages. So much more then a 22 yr old, esp these days could fatham.
Some do, some people don’t but 93% of people that get married do, but don’t the first little while of their marriage.
Yes
The Wedded Couple change from their wedding suits to their birthday suits once they start the honeymoon
Of course people change after marriage. People are always changing. Growth through life experiences is inevitable and the key is to grow together instead of apart. The article is dead-on though regarding expectations. Finding out the person isn’t who you imagined they were or being ticked because you weren’t able to remodel them into your dream spouse. I have done that with my husband. Now 16 years later I can’t imagine why I married him.
Why are married people such sell-outs?
Do they change after marriage, or is it all just one big, lifelong unveiling of even the truths we would from others rather hide? – 18 years old, in a relationship, unmarried. (Just thought you all might be curious.)
yes,they are.before and after mariage are very diffrent.by the time,couples understand and know the features and traites of another one so they can better creat a contact.before marriage couple are very eager to see each one and be together but after that they are together everytime and they exprience another side of life!
totally,marriage is very useful but if couples identify and recognition each other complitely.
I miss my life as a kid. It seems that things were so easy back then. We had fights for fun. We played around. We laughed about everything and enjoyed life as we know, only because, we never knew the dark truth, our parents’ sugar-coated life for us. Now we grow old, and we are teenagers. Facing life as it is. No sugar-coating. Not everyone is as nice as you would have expected them to be when you were younger. You have to fend for yourself. Take chances with friends. Some may stay, some may go. But on the journey to finding new friends, you may stumble upon, a fragile, yet huge thing, called love. Love can hurt. It depends on the person. I believe that you can temporarily love many times until you have found the one person you will always love. Love is simple to fall into but hard to figure out. That’s where trust and compassion comes in. When we were kids we only thought of love as something mommy and daddy have, or something friendly. Love is hard to explain. You never know if it’s real or false until the end, the final test. We all need love. Without love our lives would have no meaning. We would be lonely. Even the meanest person on this Earth, could have no friends and live alone, he probably wouldn’t admit it, but he knows deep down inside, that love matters. Love is
what makes us feel like we are worth something, like someone out there actually thinks about you and cares for you. We were built for love, and strong emotions. Why is it so hard to express them? I believe that everyone should just admit to it, that we all need love, and without it we would be empty and shallow and completely wreck less. I feel, that I have found, love. Love within my family, love within my friends. I have all the love I need to make my heart grow stronger each and everyday. Even though I know that someday, I’ll be gone. It’s nice to know that I have people that love me so. And frankly, that is the best feeling anyone can have. I don’t feel so locked up and in a dark place, when I feel like someone loves me. When I feel like no one loves me, I feel empty inside and thinking to myself, why am I even here? Why do I even try? I have no friends. No one wants me here, so why don’t I just depart. Then I realize. That’s not the answer. Someone loves me. Someone will always. I know this. And if no one does, I just need to keep trying because I’m not doing something right. Yeah. It hurts a lot when someone
betrays you, but then you just think to yourself; “if they were a true friend/lover, they’d be here for me, right now at this very moment, if they truly and honestly loved me.” And from that lesson, I grow. I grow stronger and stronger each day realizing I have friends. There are a lot of things I haven’t said about myself that I should just get out. I feel, so free and alive with love comes into my life, like I was reborn, like someone actually cares about me. And when I have fights with those people. I just wound me. I am wounded and hurt. Thinking they don’t care. But I know in the end, everything will be just fine… I have all the love I need, within my family and friends. And if I don’t have love, I’ll still try for love. No matter how many tries it takes. But I shouldn’t have to. It should just come reasonably natural. That’s my point-of-view.
Of course they change. They change from hour to hour. From year to year the changes mount. Most changes are small. The fundamental individual remains; she or he simply takes on more baggage and learns more.
I was devastated after more than 30 years of marriage to learn that my wife never loved me. She loved the person she thought I was supposed to be. That person never existed. The lights went on when my wife told me, “No, that’s not who you are. You are…..” and proceeded to describe someone who thinks precisely the way she thinks, who knows everything she knows, who interprets information the way she does – a clone of herself with one X chromosome.
We are still married at 40 years. It’s simply more work than it is worth to get a divorce. I took on an obligation to support my wife and will fulfill the obligation. The situation is greatly complicated by an adult daughter who is chronically ill. I have gone back to work to provide for her. We are agreed that our primary goal is to make our daughter’s life as meaningful as possible.
For decades I thought I was a horrible person who through some defect simply could not do what my wife knew I was supposed to do. Knowing that my wife in fact never loved me is the worst thing ever to happen in my life. I have been mostly miserable most of my adult life. We have been married 40 years; I am 63. Since I am highly unlikely to live to 103, my sentence is more than half over.
disgusting!
Yes, they do ….change, some good, some bad, but all about have a new family and spending more time with family, and lady’s will call this me time, with their friends, the guy with call this guy’s time week with the mate…
But, is just human behavioural method between husband and wife…and ego’s that both of them share, some are selfishness, loyalty issues, psychosocial with of both sometime venting their frustration on each other or take out on kids, which courses ripple effort, psychological on the children, 90% to 100% it’s pure selfishness…between male and female….no question about that.
yes because they start treating you bad but it depends on the guy but even women change too
They do not change! They just discover new stuff about each other and that might not be that pleasing.
Yes definitely as you are married for a while your love and romance with each other wares off the best thing for this problem is to do a team building activity or let one of the spouses get away for a couple days when you get back together you’ll relise how much you miss each other and how much you need each other. A great team building activity is baking or competition against another “troubled” couple. Also sending the wife to a spa or retreat usually does the trick doing this about once every three months cures this. But if this doesn’t do it more often. If it still doesn’t work the best thing to do is try marriage counseling! I ope this helped!
yeah i think they do.. people are seen differently when they live together as opposed to not.. plus old habats are hard to kill, even for the sake of a loved one, and new ones hard to develop. marriage is a compromise. it’s work. you can’t go into a marriage looking at only the lovey dovey things about it, because then you’ll be disappointed and foolish. you’ll wonder why things didn’t go the way you thought they would; and if it’s really bad, you’d blame your spouse and yourself.
but it’s about compromise, it’s sharing your life with someone, and when you share your life with someone else, you have to make room for them- their wants, their needs, their time, the other aspects of their life…
that’s the price of marriage. life isn’t about just you, it’s becomes about “us”, and i know it’s cliche, but there’s no “i” in team. gotta make sacrifices.. or else it’s not going to work.
It’s only natural that the longer people are together, the more alike they will become. They will learn more about each other through every experience. They will learn how to handle conflict more effectively, which may involve selfless acts outside their comfort zones. They will do things for each other that they normally wouldn’t be inclined to do. Etc. Couples who don’t change at all are probably headed for trouble because they’re obviously not willing to make concessions for one another.
yes they do after a while is one has kids there gonna have to take more reponsability and if one of the couples loose a job its more likely for them to get a divorce
Because most people get married while they are still young and are still changing it is true that people change after marriage. If the edge wears off the excitement of being with your loved on day after day you may find your spouse boring, even though you are still in love. Many women try to change a man into the husband they really want but that rarely works. Men tend to take their wife for granted after time goes on and when both husband and wife get to the age that they both lose the youthful appearance they each admired, bad things can happen.
I don’t think people change after you get married I think people show their real selves after you get married. The dating phase is all a farce everyone and yes everyone whether you admit to it or not tries to be and act like people they’re not then after you’re married the little things that make you you start to show and then your mate starts to notice these little “changes” but they’re not changes at all they’re just you finally being yourself.
Yes, they do! The man becomes more romantic in the first year, but the woman draws back when she comes back from the honeymoon.
Once the ring is on, she tends to feel independant and secure.
Haven’t you heard of people changed their minds ? thats how they change.
If the edge wears off the excitement of being with your loved on day after day you may find your spouse boring, even though you are still in love. Many women try to change a man into the husband they really want but that rarely works. Men tend to take their wife for granted after time goes on and when both husband and wife get to the age that they both lose the youthful appearance they each admired, bad things can happen.