Have you received parenting advice on Yahoo! Answers?
A year ago, during the third day of my unimaginably long labor, I truly wondered whether I would survive to see this day: my daughter’s first birthday.
As the nurse finally wrapped that tiny, helpless newborn in a blanket and handed her off to us, we watched her leave with a sigh, worrying how we were going to help this little creature transition into a moving and exploring person. As if the nurse had read my mind, she turned around to say, “Don’t worry, motherhood is natural. You will figure it out. Human beings have been doing this since the cave ages.”
Yes, true, but didn’t cave people have family around to help? And could we really assume that human beings have been parenting correctly for millions of years? Wouldn’t bad parenting explain a lot of evil behavior in the world? What if we fail in disciplining our child, what if we are not good role models, and, worst of all, what if we cannot get this whole breastfeeding thing right or we manage to overfeed her via the bottle? What if we drop her during her bath? What if…
My OB/GYN stopped by to stress the importance of having my mother around to help when I arrived home. When I told her this was not possible, she replied, “Then find a support system somewhere,” and wrote down the names of support groups. I saw a bunch of parenting groups, many hosted on Yahoo! Groups and it hit me, my husband and I had access to a resource our parents did not have access to: online communities.
For more than a decade we have benefited from a number of online tools, beginning in 1978 with bulletin board systems (BBSs), with their dial-up modems and flashing lights, evolving into Usenet newsgroups and all of the alt.* discussion forums, then into Majordomo mailing lists, and finally into user-friendly online communities such as Yahoo! Answers and Yahoo! Groups, full of fun and rich features.
Whenever I post a question, the Answers community is up front and honest (sometimes a little bit too honest). But it is nice to be reminded that we are not the only ones battling different challenges in parenthood. I would like to take a moment to thank all those parents out there who have contributed to the Parenting category on Answers.
So join the conversation, “What was the most useful piece of Parenting advice you ever received, and would you give that same advice to future parents?
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I am 3 months pregnant and I just turned 16 last month. The best piece of advice that I’ve gotten is to finish high school. And yes, I would give this advice to other people in my situation, because I know I am not the only one out there. (:
Well, not me, ’cause I’m only 13 years old. But, on my godmother’s account, she got the names for her tripletts. Millie (Emilly), Tori (Victoria), and Patrick. And they are the CUTEST.
let your child know you love him or her when they are bad or good..have unconditional love and show it
They best piece of advice I got was to not get stressed out over the small things, think of them as another memory I shared with my child, and enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast. I took this advice and I have noticed that I don’t get nearly as stressed as other moms I talk to. I also have tons of pictures and video to look back on when my daughter is older. I would definitely share this advice because it has been the fastest nine months of my life and I’m so glad I took the time to enjoy it instead of getting upset over the small things.
I am a new father, and over the past couple years, I have received many advice from books, friends, and family. Most of them useless, but the best advice is from an article written by a pediatrician who looked back at his baby daughter’s behavior and described her as being a “high need” baby. He said she needed much much more attention than his other babies. I was experiencing the same and nobody talks about such babies, so i was relieved to see I am not the only one.
I believe each baby is different and there is not a one-solution-fits-all for raising a baby.
The best advice I ever got was when I was reminded that my children were not “little MEs., they are little THEMS. That my job was not to mold them into ME molds. My job was to give them the love and encouragement needed to become the best THEM they could be.
There are loads of other things I learned, but if I had to pick one, that would be it.
kids make alot of mistakes, so make sure that you praise them often for what they do right, don’t always focus on the one thing they did wrong because to much scolding will just raise rebellion and they’ll perpusly do the oposite you want them to just to prove that you don’t own them
The best piece of advice I got an can pass along is that every baby is different. Everyone you know (and even those that you don’t) will give you both solicited and unsolicited advice. Smile and nod, thank them and use whatever you think will work best for you and your baby. The second piece of great advice I got was to never get too comfortable with any schedule – that’s when they’ll change it up on you. You must go with the flow and adapt as necessary.
the best advise I got and didn’t listen to it was to bring another child so my daughter wouldn’t be alone! It a selfish thing to have only one kid. If you can have one… having two is not a back breaker… they grow up together, share life together.. and hopefully, support each other through life…
As a child to a super paranoid controlling mother and a reasonable father, I have to say…
Let us grow.
I’m not talking about sex, or hanging or with friends until wee hours of the morning but more about independance, let us find out what we did wrong ourselves, and don’t think we’re an extension of yourself. Let us be ‘we’.
Poking our heads, telling us we’re stupid and won’t make much money is not exactly helpful (how many times this line is said but usually not done?).
And yes,
Studies are not everything and the fact is, its not helpful in real life either.
A lot of parenting advice I have received over the years has been well intentioned, but I have come to a conclusion; what works for your child may or may not work for mine. As a matter of fact, less than 50% of suggestions were actually helpful. In fact, many of them were down right counter productive.
There is one piece of advice that was spot on and I would like to share it now. This advice was given to me by the mother of 3 children. I was asking her about potty training advice. She told me that every kid is different and what works for one may not work for another, so her most important advice:
“Just throw away the poopy underwear. It’s not worth trying to clean.”
It would have 2 be dont stress, i know easier said then done . but she also told me to look at the bright side . so i did , stopped being stressed and fell pregnant 2 months later , i really thank that lady
The best advice i got was Every baby is differnt what might be good for your friends baby will not work for your baby
My mom said: Enjoy them when they are little. They grow up so fast. She also said, when they are teens is when the big issues begin. No truer words were spoken.
The best piece of advice I’ve received was in answer to the stresses of being a single parent to a teenager: Keep your sense of humor. That simple statement has saved my (and my son’s) sanity more than once. And yes, I think every parent should hear that advice. I think it should be written across the sky!
[...] feel free to join the conversation on Yahoo! Answers, where our community is answering this question: “What was the most useful piece of Parenting [...]
I wish I had…Unfortunately i’m not a parent..
Best parenting advice I got was that it is not just the kids who need a “time out”; sometimes the parent(s) do too. I’ve learned to tell a child that we both need to go to our rooms for a while to calm down, and that (if there is to be a punishment) I will tell her/him afterwards what it is.
By calming yourself down first, you are likely to think up a more relevant punishment than by doling it out while you are in the heat of battle. And the poor kids is in their room for a while worrying about what you’ll come up with. I figure that worrying is part of the punishment.
Hi Everyone: Thanks so much for sharing your advice on here.
@Telma: You are totally right, I am going to try your advice tonight
@Stephanie & Ike: You are right, so far comparing my baby to others, I have noticed absolutely every baby is different. But it sure helps to hear from other parents how they handle the same challenges
Two critical things:
1. Love em. Stack the deck a little in their favor because success breeds success. (self esteem)
2. Love em. Teach from a very early age that actions have consequences. (responsibility)
I love my two children unconditionally and gave them everything I had while raising them. Just as every parent hopes and prays for, they have both become successful, compassionate, independent young adults. But maybe just a little too independent (lol). I miss them terribly. It aches inside knowing those parenting years are now over. But thanks to the folks on yahoo, my questions and concerns about dealing with empty nest syndrome has been a tremendous help. Thanks for keeping me sane! And by the way, I adopted a cat from the Humane Society and he’s my replacement kid (ha ha). So thanks to the yahoo answers in the pet section too!
Happy First Birthday to your daughter!
I’m not a parent but I’ve around enough kids to be able to offer some advice.
Make everything a teaching moment for your daughter, including discipline. Decide on how you will discipline and be disciplined about it yourself. While it’s good to let kids be kids and free to be an individual, you still have to guide them to be the best individual they can be. Don’t let them grow up to think feel they can do whatever they want even at the expense of another person.
That we should learn to prioritize things and work hard and smart at them
That we should be tactful and not let people take advantage of us.
That we should be good and caring human things and that we should take care of other people’s feelings and choose a profession in which we can do a little bit of social service and reduce human suffering.
That we should hug our kids.
That we should interact with people meaningfully.
That its alright to take it easy when things get hard.
That silence speaks louder than words and that actions speak louder than silence.
Never got this advice on YA.Don’t know if its related to this blog.But I know that these are the best pieces of advice my parents have given me.
That we should learn to prioritize things and work hard and smart at them.
That we should be tactful and not let people take advantage of us.
That we should be good and caring human things and that we should take care of other people’s feelings and choose a profession in which we can do a little bit of social service and reduce human suffering.
That we should hug our kids.
That we should interact with people meaningfully.
That its alright to take it easy when things get hard.
That silence speaks louder than words and that actions speak louder than silence.
Never got this advice on YA.Don’t know if its related to this blog.But I know that these are the best pieces of advice my parents have given me.
When my daughter was little I needed advice on her teething, and was recommended the Hylands teething tablets. I now swear by them and recommend them to everyone…
If your child sometimes hates you you’re probably on the right track. Your main responsibilities as a parent are to keep your child safe, teach them to be decent people, to give them the tools they need to survive as adults, and to love them. If you’re meeting those goals you will sometimes be making some unpopular decisions. Don’t be disheartened when you hear those dreaded words “I hate you” or “this isn’t fair”. Stick to you guns and know someday you’ll laugh about this.
I do, we do, you do.
It’s the best advice I ever got on teaching my kids to do anything. For example, cleaning his room. I do it while he watches, we do it together, he does it with supervision.
Eventually, they can do it all on their own. (Of course, they’ll always try shoving stuff under the bed and whatnot, but at least they know what they’re SUPPOSED to be doing…) You get the idea.
Best advice ever given to me and can pass on ( from seeing first hand) Love them uncoditionally, and hold them to their responsibilities, consequesnces teach real life…your not raising them to be children but compassionate adults. Remember your job is not to be their friend, but their parent. Friendship comes later. I have run a daycare for over a decade and have 3 children, unfortunately the parents that didn’t make time or consequences for their children more often than not are either supporting their grown children, or visiting them behind bars. Simply said. Love them and guide them.
The best parenting advice might actually be to not have children. Why create lives which live on this planet without meaning or purpose. Why give birth to kids unless you can explain to them exactly why they’re living on this planet. Is it right do the same cruelty your parents did to you by bringing you into existence?
Hello… I’m a Granny now, at 48 years old…
My very first baby was born just before my 16th birthday and I had 5 kids altogether, one died, my 4th child, a daughter at 18months old, and my 4 kids are all adults now, my youngest son being 21 and my oldest 32.
My Grandson is 4.
My best answer on yahoo questions, recently was “What makes a good parent?”…
I adore mt 29 year old daughter for giving me a grandchild… It is bliss!!!…
…”Love without the blame”…
I’m a single granny and raised my kids by myself but had a hand here and there throughout the years… I’m proud of my job, because my kids are pretty happy, and in the end… That is what matters… that they are happy adults!
Thanks and happy parenting.
The best advice I got form the Parenting section was to be myself, no matter what others might think.
I made a chocolate cake with my 4 year old this morning. I could have done it quickly myself. But instead, I asked him to help. He pulled up a chair to the counter. Then he got all the items out of the fridge very slowly, we cracked eggs, opened packages, measured liquids, etc. The important thing is to realize that all the little day-to-day activities you take for granted are brand new skills your child has to practice and learn. Look at each step through their eyes, as if you were doing it for the very first time. Assess their needs. Then go slowly and explain what you are doing. Don’t come down hard on them for mistakes and expect plenty of messes. Relax, smile, and enjoy these bonding moments. They can be loads of fun
i have been told this for as long as i can remember from my mom. “Whenever you do something your not suppose to do, Something Bad ALWAYS happens.” and i find this true (:
—thankyou mom. (:
@John, I like being alive and I love my parents for bringing me into this world. I can’t stand it when people just try to be whiny at every possible opportunity.
The best advice I got was to read Happiest Baby and Happiest Toddler On the Block! I can calm tantrums super fast now!
The best parenting advice I ever received was when I was a beautiful and uncomfortable pregnant woman, ready to pop any day. I still felt so very much like a little girl and became more and more wrecked with confusion and nerves with every bit of advice I was being bombarded with.
One particular afternoon I sat while everyone towered above me at a large family function because I felt if I stood too long my legs and feet would be crushed beneath the weight of me. There, looking rather bulbous perched on a small kitchen chair, everyone took turns giving me advice and strict instructions on how to adequately parent my unborn daughter. I was beginning to get overwhelmed, feeling and apparently looking quite clueless.
In the midst of it all, my aunt sat down next to me and with a wise and sympathetic look she said, “you don’t have to listen to anyone’s advice”. The sudden change of pace was like a glowing light. “Not even mine,” she said. “You can take it all in but in the end just do what you want to do. Trust your instincts. Everyone makes mistakes, but don’t worry because it all turns out okay. You are the only one who will know what is right for you and your child. Don’t be apologetic to people who think you’re going about things all wrong and don’t let them undermine your confidence. Everyone will be telling you different things, but you are intelligent and competent and you will know what is best.”
I suddenly felt a bit lighter. I knew everything would be okay. For that, I am forever grateful.
@John, that is NOT what this blog is about, and not everyone agrees with your beliefs. If you don’t want to bring children into this world because you happen to be a nihilist, then so be it, but the vast majority of the world does not consist of nihilistic robots.
Just because you don’t believe in one thing or you do believe in another doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have children.
To answer the real question, though: teach your kids tolerance, and raise them with knowledge; do not raise them with ignorance to the world, or to one group or another. Let them make their own decisions (age appropriateness included). You don’t need to always challenge their decisions; sometimes you just need to let them make their own mistakes. The outcome may surprise or disappoint you, but should still always be there for them. Don’t be a helicopter parent like so many parents are nowadays, give them the freedom you had as a child (ESPECIALLY if you live in a nice neighborhood).
When I was younger my Mother used to tell me “Only when your a mother you’ll really understand what we go through” I found it really true….
The best parenting advise I’ve ever gotten? Know that advise is just that, advise. My sister in law gave me a book on parenting while I was pregnant and said it was the closest thing you could have to a manual for a baby. I was DETERMINED to stick with everything the book said to do. Long story short, it didn’t work. This book would be great if you had a VERY structured home life, but we don’t have that. I took what the book said that worked for my situation and I left the rest. This is what I would suggest to all parents that get advise from any source. Try it, but only take whatever works. If all of it works, great. If part of it works, keep only that. If none of it works, chuck it.
And BTW, your child will NOT be a narcissistic, spoiled brat if you don’t take someone elses’ advise, even if they tell you they will. Most parenting books I’ve read and people who have tired to give me advise have said this either explicitly or implicitly. Everyone thinks they know what is best, but each child is different. What works for one, may not work for another. How your child behaves depends much more on the rules and boundaries you set for them, not how long you let them cry before you pick them up, whether they sleep in your bed or their own, or even (gasp) you breast or bottle feed. But you don’t have to believe me. And I won’t shame you if you don’t.
“Respond, don’t react”
Exploring new things is a skill that will surely come in handy.
well I guess it’s that to study well and achieve good results and sucess but also face the society as a good citizen
To the young lady who is 16 and three months pregnant
Yes school is the best advice but also have a good support system in place You don’t need to give up on yourself because your pregnant but you also have another life to consider. Yes raising a child is hard when you are this age but it is also hard for all women. Havng to balance what they want out of their life and balance it with raising a child. It will be difficult after the baby is born for the first three months. Baby is on a 24 hour schedual. Feeding, sleeping and changing. See if you can get someone you trust you watch the baby for a couple of hours while you catch up on some sleep and study. You will wonder What does this baby want from me????. Remember that you are the mother and advise is always helpful but You are the baby’s mother and you will know what is best for the baby. Also keep in mind that being a baby is new to the child and beeing a mom is new for you and you will get things worked out through trial and error. One hint be careful when you burp the baby . Ware something you won’t mind baby spew on.
The best parenting advice I ever revived was to ALWAYS use a condom.
What I learned mostly from my Mother and a plethora of other sources through the years has made a profound impact on my 4 Sisters and I, the only son as four of us are in our early 50s and one in mid-40s.
My Mother coming from a very Dysfunctional and turbulent family was hard to tell. She made up all her own rules and what she learned from healthy people to do as a Mother, and subsequently; us 5 have passed these to our children with great success.
The main point “Mom” drove home to us all growing up was that the last 4 letters in American is “ican”. In other words; I CAN! She taught us there is nothing we cannot do if we put our mind and heart into any goal or objective.
She also taught us about how important honesty is/was. To always tell the truth. Also; she never told any of us that she had a favorite child, and, that we were each unique and precious to her.
And as I learned, there are 5 degrees of what amounts to under the guise of “Discipline”. There is the Uninvolved parent(s) that doesn’t know what his/her child(dren) are doing good or bad. These are totally unavailable physically and emotionally. Then there is the Passive Parent. These are just as harmful. They could care less and do not take an active role of teaching discipline, right from wrong and hand out Discipline when wrongs are done. Then there is Discipline. Given with firm and tough love, you teach your children right from wrong, and depending on the seriousness of what took place there must be some consequences given to TEACH a child to be proper, and learn that society does hold people accountable for wrongs. There should never be striking except some corporal discipline will not be horrible if given properly like on the fanny. However; Discipline is all about teaching our children right and wrong and helps build their character to be honorable and learn integrity, responsibility, and to be upstanding and stear them on the right path. This 3rd method is the correct way. My Mother always said she would never hit us or Discipline us out of anger. That she would “stew” over what took place then take appropriate action. She did a great job.
The 4th type of Parent is the one that Punishes. The parent that punishes often does not give Discipline that fits the error and acts beyond. The punisher is the parent that wishes to make the child feel bad by degrading them, and, breaking their spirits. This is done by verbal and emotional cruelty and can be also given in lieu of hitting that includes beating at inappropriate levels and areas of the body. The punisher creates a child that learns to hate themselves and some punishers do such while under the influence of drugs or/and alcohol. The child does not learn a lesson but, learns fear. The error or problem becomes secondary to the “Punisher”, and becomes an opportunity to demean the child with insolence and a degree of contempt. Often Punishers give punishment that is ridiculous and unfair. This creates a rebel child and one that learns a skewed view of the world. “If my Mom and/or Dad will do this to me, what will the world do to me” – this is when trust and love gets broken, and, a child can end up damaged when they are grown.
Finally, there is the Abuser. This parent figure either or along with one or more of the other Emotionally, Physically, or Sexually abuses the child. The Abuser doesn’t have to have a reason or an error to correct, but will act out at any time towards the child/children and the child has no idea why he./she is being Punished/Abused at such a level that it destroys the child. The sli8ghtest event can set off the abuser. For simple everyday normal imperfections or for nothing at all. They usually but, not as a rule are usually under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol or have some form of mental problem besides substance abuse. Here a child learns nothing constructive, and, becomes a victim usually the rest of their lives and often grow to be self-abusing. They lose love for themselves and others, and, many become criminals, suicide victims, depressed and poorly functioning in society or as a person. They almost always have a very low self-esteem, and, they either learn to act out, or they turn their pain inwards. The Abusive parent is of no value to the child, and some often apologize only to repeat the same behavior towards the child.
SO it is clear, being a Discipliner is the best and healthy way to parent when it involves teaching and loving a child. I learned wat too much to share it all here, but, shared the most important things I learned as did my sisters and we taught our children whom are having their own children now how to be good parents from a wonderful Mother whom we lost this year.
When my son (then 16 months) couldn’t stop taking his jammies off in the middle of the night I was so bewildered that I was lost, frusterated, and exhausted from spending half my night putting on new jammies and diapers plus new sheets nd blankets. I turned to YA prenting and got this advice. Cut the feet off some footy jams nd put them on backwards….so simple!! With a few modifications to mke them more comfortable we were set, he wore those jms for 8 moths before he had outgrown the off with his diper phase but I still don’t know what I would have done without that advice. I still tell people to do that
Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Messes are easily cleaned and fun to make!
Hugs and kisses everyday!
The best piece of parenting advice I ever got, and stuck to, was from my Dad.
He told me to never threaten to do something to your kid you won’t follow through with.
I had just threatened to cut off my 5 year old daughter’s tongue…she stuck it out at me.
After he said that, I thought about it. I would NEVER cut off her tongue.
I stuck to that rule and think it was great advice!
Thank you Daddy! Dr. Weldon L. McKee 1975 – 2004
i am a 16 year old mother and the best advice i ever received was to keep my baby. i love my son more than anything in the world and he makes me smile everyday. he gave me the motivation to go to college and make a better life for both me and him. he will never understand how blessed and happy he has made me.
Well I don’t have children but I have two of the best parents in the world. I really gave my parents (especially mom) heck growing up but I never wondered if I was loved or not. My parents went to every sport activity, drama production, or music performance I was ever in (even Jazz which my dad hates). So if I could impart knowledge as a grown up child. Make sure your kids know they are loved because even when things are not perfect (or are as far from perfect as you can get) making sure yours kids know how much you love them will always stick with them. And when they grow up and have children of their own they will be better parents because they were loved.
From a book WAY before I had my son, I was 18 when I read it, in a relationship with a man with a small child and didn’t know a thing, so I read lots of books – one said “Tell me and I forget, show me and I will learn”. I think of this all the time when I am trying to explain something to my 8 year old, we go online, we go to books, we go out in the world and look at things rather than just talk about them.
Oh, my message above….I know I didn’t get that off Yahoo Answers…but someone else will now
that’s the beauty of this place.
my best parenting advice is always love them with your whole heart and never let the feel alone.