At what age should you discipline a child?
My daughter has one of those sweet innocent smiles that can fool anyone. As we stroll through the park she waves a friendly nod to every person who gives her the time of the day, and as I put her down on the playground she excitedly runs toward the other children (particularly those older than her) and invites them to play.
The other parents approach us with a friendly smile and begin to explain to their kids how fragile and young my daughter is and how they should be careful when playing with her as she is still a baby (11 months old). But, before they can finish their sentences, my daughter has begun some of her usual mischief, which includes pulling the hair of the older baby, exploring their face, trying to touch their toy, or helping herself to whatever snack they are eating.
You can imagine my embarrassment as I pull her hand down, apologize to the older baby and her/his parent, and in a calm voice try to explain to my daughter that this behavior is not acceptable, while she cries with rage and points at the other child and her toy/snack.
Luckily, so far the other parents and children have treated us graciously and have forgiven my daughter’s tantrums, probably because they have dealt with it themselves when their children were that age. According to many experts, children under the age of 3 are too young to undergo formal discipline measures such as time-outs. However, an incident in the library the other day made me think again about the importance of good parenting and providing discipline both to your child and ourselves!
During a Mommy and me story time at our local library, I noticed a cute little 9-month-old baby girl who liked to offer her hand to everyone for kissing–a real princess. She made the rounds in our circle to a little 3-year-old boy, nicely dressed, charming and adorable. Then, the boy bit the hand of the 9-month-old instead of kissing it. The girl started to cry and the boy’s mother was silent and offered no apology, though she did look genuinely concerned about both kids.
The girl’s mother started to yell at the boy’s mom in front of everyone, telling her she should not be taking her uncivilized boy out in public and the other woman fired back at her while the rest of us sat in silence and shock. I felt bad for both mothers (perhaps a little bit more for the one who got yelled at) but wondered why she wasn’t offering an apology or teaching her son that this biting was not OK? Then on the other hand, the little girl’s mom should have perhaps been more careful about who her daughter is offering her hand to for kisses and watched her a bit more closely.
Judging from several conversations/threads on Yahoo! Answers:
I am not the only parent struggling with the question on how and when one should begin to discipline a child. Please join the conversation and let us know what you deem as the age appropriate for disciplining a baby.
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I agree with the bible and it seems to work well. At Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it. Training should start at a young age when the “boy” is able to understand training, yes’s and no’s.
That is usually left up to the parent when they think their child is smart enough to understand the different between right or wrong.
I got spanked when I was 2 months old for sucking my thumb. Geez, I hate my parents. I’m being forced to eat RABBIT meat. UGHHH
There’s a big difference between “disciplining” and “punishing”. No child under the age of two should ever be punished – they really are too young to understand. About all you can do is physically remove the child from the situation. This may involve embarrassing tantrums, or even leaving a lovely place you’ve made a big effort to attend (such as the zoo).
If you use the word “NO!” more than a very few times, be prepared to get it back ten-fold. The child will realize that it’s powerful, and will try to use it like a magic spell whenever his or her little psyche is thwarted.
About all I can add is that most parents have had to cope with a baby who doesn’t know how to behave. We sympathize, but we expect you to take the child away from the situation without scolding or striking him. If you see to the child’s comfort beforehand – adequate rest, food and drink, comfortable clothing, opportunities to exercise a bit – trouble will be at a minimum.
The child psychologist Dr. James Dobson has written several books about behavior problems of very young children. They’re sensible and well worth reading.
I start really disciplining around 1.5 years at the advice of my pediatrician, but time out are 1 minute per age. I also remove him from the situation right away. I already tell him to say sorry (as best he can) so he knows there is something he is supposed to do. I’m not sure he understands it yet, but he knows he did something wrong.
At the age of 9 months my Goddaughter was ‘hinting’ that she was going to touch the floor heater. She turned around to my husband and I as her little hands got closer and closer to the heater, waiting for us to approve or disapprove. We loudly said ‘NO’ and she pulled her hand away. The next time she came over she did the EXACT same thing and we had the same response. She tried it again moments later and we lightly spanked her little hand. Mind you this is at 9 months. My husband and I don’t have any children but that is a sign that she knows right from wrong therefore I think that’s the age to start disciplining. From what my mother tells me I was a hand full. I was a very curious child and my curiousity got me in A LOT of trouble. I was always in my moms hair dyes, shampoos, conditioners, make up, sewing kit, the refrigerator and asking questions and talking back. This all came to a stop at the tender age of 5 because my mom couldn’t handle it any longer. Yes I got spanked, yes I got pinched and yes I got yelled at but it all paid off. Spare the rod, spoiled the child. Please don’t get abuse confused with discipline, they’re two different topics. To this day my preschool teachers can’t believe that I’m the same girl that was always on time out. So to answer your question whatever age you think the child is catching on to right or wrong is the age to start disciplining, 9 months for my Goddaughter.
A child’s mind is like a clean sheet of paper at birth. Start the training not “discipline” when the child starts noticing or appreciating objects. That may be as early as a year of age. This may sound strange but write on the child’s pure mind what you would want the child to be at adolesence. It would be easier to direct the child right as he grows if the training begins at one.
Never, ever hit a child. Let me say it again – never, ever hit a child. Since the question was about discipline I wanted to say that first and get it out there. Inflicting pain upon a defenseless child is totally uncalled for. Why would you choose to physically hurt someone you love? It is a child. Think about how confusing it is to a child whenever you hit them with the same hand that you lovingly care for them with. That same hand that slaps them on their bottom, catches them so they won’t fall on their bottom. The same hand that gently brushed their hair before church, pulled their hair out of anger the next day. The same hand that slapped them away from the cake, fed it to them later. The same hand that smacked them up the side of their head, held a cool wash cloth to it due to a fever. The same hand that wiped away tears countless times, is also causing those tears countless times and not offering to wipe those away. Think about it. Think about it from a childs point of view.
Now, one should discipline their child at whatever age the child understands what it is. If they understand that you are not happy about a certain action of theirs and why, then they are old enough. We all are very well aware that development is an individual process.
The same goes for the type of discipline you choose. Tailor it to what works best for your child. If making them sit in a chair, not being able to play, works – then do that. If taking some type of activity or toy away works, that is what you should do. Make absolutely sure that the child understands why you are disciplining them. Children and adults must understand there are consequences to each and every action we choose in life. The earlier a person learns this the better. Remember, you are “the law” to a child. You must be fair. Be consistent. Listen to their side of the story. Make sure they understand why what they did was wrong. Let them know that you are disciplining them because you care. If you didn’t care, then they could do whatever they like, whether it be right or wrong. Show them a different choice of action they could have made; this will help in the future when faced with a similiar situation.
Most important of all, let your child know how much you love them. Show them. Give them the attention they deserve. Praise them in good deeds. Tell them how proud you are of them. If you fail in giving them “good” attention, they are going to get your attention however they can. If the only time you interact with them is when they are “acting up”, then honey they are going to act up every chance they get.
Children are a precious gift. Appreciate them, and give them the love and care they deserve.
Remembering that discipline does not necessarily mean harsh words or spanking, I think as soon as they start to show behaviour that is unacceptable. It can be as gentle as taking the toy away and saying ‘no’. That is a form of discipline and can be implemented in the earliest stages. From there it depends on the child and the parent. Each child is different, and each parent’s expectations are different. If your biggest concern with your child’s behaviour is manners, certain disciplinary actions need to be taken early on. If you are a more lenient parent with expectations in other areas, then technique changes. I think it’s completely malleable, and there is no one right way. Then of course, not all child take direction as easy as others, and some need more stringent discipline earlier than other children that may not be as willful. I say pay attention to your child, and don’t try to fit them in the one ‘right’ way to do things. You do your children an injustice when you treat them all the same.
all you really need to do is raise your voice a little children under 2 should not be dealt with by spanking or yelling, but at her age just raise your voice a little, and don’t be nice about it either. just raise your tone even if you say it under your breath, as long as she/he gets the message
The second they star bring rude and throwing tantrums. Discipline them and spank when they are small to develop the basic fundementals of right and wrong. My people now are trying to move from the old ways of corpral punishment for small children and well… let’s just say the babyboomers are the last well trained people here. Sad but true. But I believe small children should be spanked and disciplined since words won’t have the full effect. Well that’s th opinion of a 16 year old Caribbean girl
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8 years old. This is when most humans reach full consciousness, therefore allowing the learning process to work better after the child makes a mistake. I don’t condone child abuse though. A mere slap on the wrist isn’t bad however.
WHAT EVER YOU DO…..I REPEAT DO NOT HIT YOUR CHILD!!!!!! NOT EVEN A TAP UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL……
At the age of 9 or 10 monnths babaies understand the word no. at about 18 months I give my grandson a tapping on the legs
I think as soon as he starts crawling and being able to put things in his mouth, is when punishments should start. I think positive reinforcement works better with little kids, though–when the 3-year old hit the girl’s hand, the mother should have explained to the boy that hitting is unacceptable behavior, and that there are other ways to communicate besides hitting.
if the child is developing normally i would say 18 mos- 2years old. and that goes with gentle no’s and reminders for the next time. and when they throw a tantrum it is best to ignor it as long as they are not hurting themselves.
First of all you need to stop reading what the so called experts have to say! They are all wrong and some day they may or may not admit it but they are so off base with reality it’s scary. I started correcting my son when he was 3 months old (that’s when he was off and crawling) as he grew so did my corrections/punishments/etc… My son is a very well adjusted, polite, caring, friendly 9 year old. He gets A’s in all of his classes; likes school and enjoys playing with other kids… But, we’ve had our trials. At 2 years old I told him it was time to go to bed and he cried because he wanted to visit with his grandma I took him up to bed anyway and sat down with him on the bed to explain to him that it was time for bed and he’d see her in the morning he just went chucky on me and bit me so hard I had a bruise for a week I slapped him across the face hard enough to turn his little cheek red. I felt so bad I felt like the worlds worst mom for my reaction but he never bit anyone again. My mom slapped me a few times when I was a kid, I got a spanking every now and then too I don’t hate my parents and I don’t think they were at all wrong. I am a good person because of it.
Even Dr. Spock has admitted he was full of shit with his theory’s and books on how to raise your children.
I think the key is to make sure the punishment matches the crime and only punish them when they need it when they have done something that warrants it. Never punish children because of the way you feel, so you’re embarrassed because your son said something to the grocery store clerk big deal you’ll get over.
I baby sat some kids just 1 time I found out their parents didn’t discipline them and they ran amock. It came to clear when the daughter chased the son through the house with a butcher knife because he changed the tv while she was watching it.
Not disciplining your child is the greatest injustice you can give them.
Trust me when I say this, not doing anything when your child does wrong will only harm them and other people.
I have a friend who doesn’t discipline her kids, I love her to death but I hate her horrible children and because of which I hardly ever see her because I don’t want to be around the kids and my son isn’t allowed to play with them. You’ll turn them in to social outcasts or bully’s with your bad parenting.
When my son was little I used big words to talk to him I never talked down to him just because he was a baby. When he did wrong I said, That is not acceptable. My MIL asked me why I didn’t just tell him no or why I said anything at all (he was only 1year old) and I told her because I’m raising a good strong person not a hoodlum.
Ask yourself what you want your kid to be when they grow up and then raise them accordingly. If you want your daughter to be a hooker then keep on going the way you are.
This discussion is probably going to go all over as people define “discipline” in many ways. Discipline begins at birth in essence. When we put our babies on a feeding schedule, or try to, this is a form of discipline. When a baby learns action/reaction awareness, discipline starts. When a baby is put to bed, and they are fed, burped, changed, but still fuss, it’s discipline when we let them fall asleep on their own.
Behavior modification discipline, such as time-outs, comes in when they are older, about 2 years old, depending on development. First babies tend to take longer to teach discipline than younger siblings, as they see it as part of their natural surroundings since birth. They are not gaining logic persay, just learning how to get the best and most attention that they can.
They try everything, and will try it again, and again, and again, even if you discipline them because the brain doesn’t get it yet. Sometimes they can even see discipline as a form of attention, so you don’t get the desired results.
I would say that one would need to define “discipline” carefully and specifically before this discussion can begin. For some, it means beatings, for others, it’s just being spoken to.
Piaget’s theory on trust vs. mistrust can help gauge where you’re child is at and how you might approach them at that time, without doing “damage”.
How will children know what is unacceptable if they are not told? I look at it this way, would I be upset if another child pulled my child’s hair and nothing was said. If they understand what “no” means then they are old enough. If they don’t understand what “no” is then it is time they did. Be consistant and firm. If you are asking the question about what age is right, then it is time to start. Empowering your child with knowledge about the right way to behave doesn’t have negative for you or your child. But remember, you can’t reason with a child who is in trantrum and you are always the boss.
This seems like a constant debate…..argument.
Children are undeveloped and thus need guidance, through pain (the spanking), the timeout, ……..
I suppose it depends on your beliefs. To me children act as animals and only learn from experience.
Psychologically we remember more painful or negative events in our life…….even through adulthood.
A child burns his/her hand once on the stove….i guarantee you that’s the last time.
On that note, it is encouraging to allow your child to be around older children, for who you surround yourself w/ helps define you and they will mimic their behavior, ergo more mature.
Although, on the same note, would you want your 16 year old daughter hanging out with 30 year old men?
Discipline and education should initially come from the parents. Nip this in the bud and stop embarrassing yourself. If she wants to act like a big girl, treat her as one.
On a side note, psychological abuse can be more damaging physical any day.
My 2 cents.
Yes. Definitely discipline your child. My mom spanked me on the hand until I was probably three and a half or so, and then she spanked me on the bottom until I was about eleven. Now, I get grounded (since spankings can’t hurt me any more haha!) from my iPod or the computer or have to do extra dish washing duties. She probably will until I leave the house.
I believe that if your child does something even when you tell her not to twice, you should give her a warning and then discipline her. Don’t resent to idle threats, she’ll learn that they can do anything because you never do what you say you’re going to say if you don’t stick to your word. But still show your kids that you love them. Don’t let them grow up believing that you’re this sort of taskmaster. I think that rewarding good behavior is a good way to start, but if it doesn’t work, change to disciplining bad behavior. The Bible says that if you don’t discipline your child, your child will not listen to you or anyone else. They will be spoiled and have to learn everything the hard way when they are an adult. This may sound kind of funny coming from a teenager who is disciplined all the time and doesn’t like it, but believe me, I have seen kids that aren’t disciplined, and I am SO glad that I am not one of those kids. Think of it as an athlete training for a race. That’s like you training your kids for being responsible adults. If the athlete lays around and eats junk food all day, he will lose the race. If he trains hard, surely it will be challenging, but he will win if he trains hard enough with will and determination. That doesn’t mean he can’t have any fun with his friends and work work work all day long, he just needs to have balance.
My mom and dad did it the right way. If you love your daughter, you should do the right thing and teach her what is right and wrong.
Also, another thing you may need to know about teaching your child, my mom tells me that when I was young, she noticed my talents and tended to lead me in that direction instead of perfecting my other areas, too. Now I am pretty good at musical and English stuff, but I have trouble with responsibility and remembering my homework. She tells me that if I fail my grade but learn to remember my homework and get the other stuff down, it would be better than if I get super grades in English and Music but in my other grades not get that good of a grade because I didn’t do the homework or study hard enough. So encourage the stuff they’re good at, but also help them in areas that they are not as good in.
You cannot do this on your own, I guarantee. Jesus can help you———————-seriously. =) He helped my mom, and look at me! (I mean, what I’ve written about myself, haha) I still have flaws and imperfections, but Jesus is perfect and just and He will help you get through anything you’re going through.
Just call out to Him.
i reckon around 1 year? i think hitting a child is ok, obviously not bashing a child to pieces but a smack because its a great way of getting your point across! otherwise children won’t listen, the naughty step and other measures don’t work, children can be quite manipulative so need to be put in their place. I think a telling off for minor things and a smack for major things. I know many people won’t agree with this but its my personal opinion, im sure there are pros and cons to any method!
Discipline begins at birth. But methods change as the child grows.
For an infant, disciplne is in the form of lots of love, moving the child away from danger, physically removing objects that lead to misbehavior, and MOST OF ALL do not pick up the child when the child misbehaves.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Picking up an infant rewards whatever behavior the child is doing at the time. Do not correct by picking up.
Correct misbehavior by speaking firmly, but not yelling. A baby must learn the meaning of the word “No” at an early age.
Do not use the baby as an alarm clock. When you wake up, do not lie in bed and wait for the baby to cry. That only teaches the baby that nobody loves you unless you cry. Get out of bed and go to the baby. You will find the baby awake and waiting quietly for you. Teach the baby that love does not require crying.
At age 3, move on to Proverbs 13:24. Yes, the Bible does say that, regardless of what you’ve been told.
MORE THAN AGE IT IS MOULDING OF CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR AND PERSONALITY IN A POSITIVE WAY WHICH IS IMPORTANT.
THE PARENTS NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE UDERSTANDING LEVEL OF A CHILD AT A PARTICULAR AGE AND GIVE ADIVCE ON SOMETHING ACCORDINGLY.
IT OFTEN HAPPENS THAT WE MAKE THE CHILD NOT TO DO A PARTICULAR THING AND WHEN OUT OF CURIOSITY THE CHILD DOES THAT WE LOOSE TEMPER. OFTEN PARENTS HAVE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN TO THE CHILD WHY NOT TO DO SOMETHING , OR THEY THINK THAT THE CHILD WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT WE EXPLAIN, WHICH IS A WRONG PRESUMPTION.
HERE WE SHOULD KNOW THAT THE CHILD WHO HAS CURIOSITY HAS ALSO GOT GREAT LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING, ONLY THING HERE IS WE HAVE TO GO TO THEIR “MIND” AND “AGE LEVEL” AND EXPLAIN THINGS TO THEM.
[ RIGHT FROM NOT TO GO NEAR THE SWITCH TO HOT WATER TO NOT TO TAKE MONEY FROM THE WALLET , EVERYTHING HAS AN ANSWER]
THE CHILD REGARDLESS OF AGE NEEDS A “REASON” ON WHY NOT TO DO SOMETHING ? OUR DUTY IS TO GIVE THE REASON, IN THE MOST SIMPLEST AND EFFECTIVE MANNER SO THAT THE CHILD THINKS TWICE BEFORE REACTING OR ACTING.
The sooner the better…..consistency and positive reinforcement……if you threaten your child with a specific punishment…always follow through…be the (stern parent) when they need you to be…. when their young….so when they get older you can relax and be more of a friend. cya,
My son is 2 and when it comes to disciplining him it depends on what type of discipline. We started around 1 by just telling him no and explaining why he shouldnt do what he was doing. Sometimes that would work and he would be done with it and never do it again. Other times he would think it was funny and keep doing it so we would smack his hands to let him know that was wrong. Never very hard just hard enough to get the point across. When he started reaching 2 we replaced the hand smack with a pat on the butt. So far our “method” is working. He still can be bad but overall he is very well behaved. People tell us all the time how amazed they are that he’s so well behaved.
All children need discipline the same as domestic pets need discipline. I suggest that as soon as the child understands Yes and No is the time to start. But often a look shared between parent and child is understood long before Yes or No, in which case start then. There is no hard and fast rule but I believe the boy aged 3 should have received a swift reprimand, and I am not politically correct I believe in spare the rod and spoil the child. A swift slap would have been of benifit here accompanied by Do not bite!
I believe that discipline is one of many tools that are necessary to teach children how to behave properly in society. Discipline can come in many forms, including physical discipline.
First, in order for discipline to be effective, the child must be able to understand cause and effect – to form intent. Spanking an infant is never appropriate – they just don’t understand.
So before discipline, the first step is education. If your child does something inappropriate, take him or her aside and explain that what they did was not ok. (If they don’t even understand “no” yet, then it’s not ok to use physical discipline yet.) Take them out of the situation for some time after they’ve behaved improperly.
If a child continues to behave improperly when they clearly understand that they’re not supposed to do something, that’s when further discipline is called for. Time outs work for some children, but some children simply need a firmer hand.
Before using discipline, make sure you’re not doing it out of anger. Sit the child down and ask them if they knew what they did wrong, then explain to them why they’re about to get a spanking. Don’t waiver at this point – you have to follow through. And be sure to use an appropriate level of force. There was a time when switches and belts were considered OK – I don’t believe that’s appropriate.
Oh – and one more thing. Be sure to use POSITIVE reinforcement whenever possible! Rewarding good behavior can be a much better “cure” than punishing the bad.
I have two children. A boy of 10 and girl of 18 who has just gone to one of the best art schools in the UK. Our parenting style is, and has always been to reward good behaviour and ignore bad. My children have always been well behaved and have always been disciplined without me having to ‘discipline’ them.
Discipline means training, and that can start as early as six months old. For example, If the baby screams, you firmly tell them thats too loud, time to be quiet, shhh, etc. Consistent correction is the key, and although I believe spanking is useful when needed, I don’t advocate spanking before 1 to 1 1/2 yrs old. Timeouts and correcting with words, taking away the offending object, etc should be used before spanking.
Believe it or not discipline starts with the parent. The
parent must be disciplined in moral standards of
behavior in all mannerisms. This is passed to a child
in the womb. If the household is quiet, no loud noises
or arguments or such. If the parents are quiet then
this discipline carries over to the child from infancy on.
If a mother will sit and read to her child while she is
still carrying it in the womb she sets forth a calming
effect on the child and the child learns to imitate the
parents and it’s enviroment. Discipline is understood
to mean precieve to teach and understand. There are
tools that are used to instill discipine. Some are can
be gentle and some may have to be a little firmer. It
is without a doubt that corpral punishment serves a
purpose of not retaliation but of retribution. Constant
spankings over any and every little incident callouses
over the intent of retribution and can cause many
children to realize that regardless of what they do or
say they will be spanked or given a whipping or beatin” then the child is in a catch 22 and pays no
heed to the discipline of retribution because they now
see it as an opportunity one way or the other for
retaliation. Discipline can be a means of retribution
in most cases without physical punishment. Placing
a child in timeout so to speak will do more to make
the child think about what they have done and are
no longer playing with their favorite toy or watching
their favorite t.v. show or no longer alowed to do what
they like doing. Talking on the phone, having friends
over, being given the keys to drive the car, deferring
weekly allowances, going to school sporting events
or sponsored dances, all these are tools that when
used correctly can discipline your child.
The Bible states not only to discipline your child
with the “rod of discipline” but to discipline your child
in love. Not giving in to them. Showing the love you
have for your offspring by teaching them morals by
means of those tools of discipline. This is the love
one disciplines with, by letting your “Yes” mean yes
and your “No” mean no!
Remember retaliation instills in young children the
fear of harm and not the discipline of love. Be stern,
be firm, but be loving and calm when you discipline.
Never discipline in anger….step away once all is
secure and think….then use the tools of discipline
in a Godly way of love that brings honor to all in the
end…
Being the mother of 5 and the grandmother of 15, I have all ways used the method of starting early. BUT, there is a way to do it. My way might not be everybody’s way, but it has worked for 44 years. I all ways speak gently, and loving. And you’d be suprised how young a little one can understand the words “no, no”. I would gently shake my head back and forth and say “no, no” They learn. and would hear me say ‘no, no” and they would shake their heads.
You learn as you go along how to disipline them. I just looked up at the person who wrote right above me, and those words are exactly right. be stern, firm, loving and calm. Never in anger.
A child learns from the parents, grandparents and other adults actions. By being calm, firm and loving they are going to learn and not be afraid.
A child is the most precious thing in the world. And should be treated as such. that does not mean that you have to give in to them and spoil them to no end.
I was raised to always listen to my parents, and if i didn’t, I got smacked. and guess what, I turned out fine. it really annoys me when some idiot tells you “you should never hit a child” (in a whiney nassaly voice, i might add). the reason there are so many young people commiting crime is because their parents just let them do whatever the hell they feel like doing. they dont teach them right from wrong by “putting them in time out” . once a child reaches a certain age you cannot physically stop them from ignoring the rules you put in place for them (or the law itself) if you have the attitude that no child ever deserves to be hit.
of course children should not be abused. and there ARE people like that out there. but after a kid reaches a certain age, they should know better. and if they don’t, you have to beat it into them. theres no “confusion” going on in the mind of a child who gets reprimanded for doing something wrong. if you make it clear that the reason they are being spanked is because they did wrong, then they will be more inclined to do the right thing next time. there is nothing confusing about that.
as to what age you should start to teach them: as soon as they are able to understand what you say to them.
Discipline NOT punishment can begin in infancy by training babies to routines and schedules.
Discipline should start very young almost from birth, that does not mean spanking just correcting. Baby sucking it’s thumb gently pull it out and repeat each time to be consistant, that is if you think thumb sucking is a problem.
You do not need to wait until child understands what is happening. breaking a bad habit will just get harder with time. A child should be taught right and wrong from the start and that no means no. If your child starts to walk out in front of a moving vehicle you want your child to stop when you yell no, even though the child does not understand a moving vehicle can kill .
Waiting until a child understands maybe too late.
In my opinion, there is no ‘appropriate age’. The child should learn who’s boss as a baby. That’s where they start. That’s where they learn best. Children are like trees. You plant those seeds and water them enough to make them grow, and once they grow well into the ground, you’ll find it quite hard trying to tear the tree out of the foundation of its roots, because that’s where it started, and it grew on that. Just like that, the child has to start early, so that he/she can grow on the knowledge that mom/dad is boss and that he/she must listen to and respect mom/dad. If you wait until the child is “old enough”, the child will have already had some type of notion of the authority of the parent(s), and then you’ll find it quite hard trying to instill some new values in the child, because they will be unfamiliar to the child. The child might reject the new authority, since it is not what they seemed to be taught at a very young age. It’s good to let the child know from the start who has the real authority; the parent or the child.
I’ve not had children, but having younger sisters, i remember perfectly well what went on. If the child is younger than 2, don’t yell no, or at least if you do, prepare to have that be their favorite word for the next year. If the child tries to hurt you, (pull your hair, etc.) then hold their hands together (not hard, just hold them firmly) so they can’t move them, until when you let go, they won’t do it anymore. if they do it to someone else, just take them away and dont’ heed the tnatrum. ignore it.
To put it simply, use methods like this, ‘softer’ methods that don’t include punishment, just motions that show them that such actions will not be tolerated when they’re younger. When they’re older and know better, that’s when you ‘punish’ them, using time outs or whatever your mode of punishment is.
I am a stay at home father of twin girls, so my experience is limited, and your mileage may vary. First, hitting your child, without causing physical harm is not illegal, its just tasteless.
I have read dozens of studies about never spanking, etc, but allways took them to mean that frequent or heavy spanking was the issue, my girls taught me otherwise. They were 22 months old before there was an issue that justified spanking in my mind, one had torn out a handful of her sisters hair for a second time in a short period of time. I sat her down, talked to her, swatted her once on the bottom, and then hugged her and talked to her some more. She seemed shaken, still affectionate of me, and didn’t repeat the behavior. The next day they were disagreeing about something and I heard the one i spanked the day before counting to 3 sternly, then smacked her sister hard. She learned that you give a warning, you communicate you really mean it, and then you hurt them if they don’t listen. I taught her something wrong, and have not spanked sense, and have undone the damage, I hope.
I started training discipline when they were 10 months old. This started with basic impulse control. sharing favorite treats with each other and the rest of the family. They never get handed their own dessert, they always are given one to give to someone else. They have been handed things in the jewelry store to look at, pass between each other and then hand back. I have also spent great effort to only make rules I will enforce 100% of the time. These have all served me well.
I reserve most of my “scolding” for things that are harmful to others or dangerous to themselves. Outside of that, they have been told that they are doing things non-conventionally, or creatively. They learned and acted accordingly to the words hot and be careful starting at about 14 months. The training for that started at about 9-10 months. Time outs started being effective at about 20 months, but only 10-30 second ones, past that and they seemed to forget why they were in trouble. Basically close a door, count to 10 then open it and talk to them.
So in summery: don’t spank unless your willing to deal with un-training the hitting later. don’t make more rules than you are willing to enforce. Try to be as consistent as gravity, and they will start to accept your words/actions with as much faith.
best of luck.
Discipline, but not time outs! Firmly tell them no, and if they do it again maybe say it in a more stern voice. If this continues to happen then just take away priviliges.
even if a baby of 9 or 10 month starts kicking you when you are changing their diaper i would lightly smack him once on the leg, the child needs to be trained to lie still.
and if the child at 10 months insist on playing with electrical cords and or anything harmful he needs to be smacked on the hand,
never be afraid to discipline your child. it wont kill him and it may save his life.
either you make her cry now or she’ll make you cry later.
I completely agree that children should be disciplined as soon as they begin to understand what you say to them. I was beaten for the silliest things when I was a child. For not finishing my food on time, for not walking fast enough, for getting home 1 minute too late and other stupid things. I definetely do NOT agree with beating your child but kids do need a good spanking when they step out of line. Time outs? Yeah right! The less you discipline, the more they will walk all over you and do as they please. The sooner the better!
Discipline starts from day one. Don’t confuse discipline with corporal punishment on children.
I think at the age of 3. Because child make their first step for the real life on this age.
Discpline in its broadest sense starts from day one. No child wakes up on, say, their first birthday and is suddenly receptive to discipline… and if you leave it too late they resent the sudden change.
Reward good behaviour of children of any age with smiles, praise and the tone of your voice.
Punish bad behaviour with frowns, and a disapproving tone. Shouting is an absolute last resort – because unless you believe in physical punishment it leaves you no-where else to go if the behaviour gets worse.
Even very small babies recognise your face and respond to smiles. They may not understand the words you say (but I think you’d be surprised how young they are when they can) but they will hear the tone of your voice.
Try to praise more than than scold. Praise even when they’re not doing anything particularly “good” (i.e. not doing anything bad!) such as “aren’t you sitting there nicely” etc etc.
thats a common sense question isnt it? if you punish them for something they did wrong and they are too young to understand what they did wrong or the consequence then what is the point. as soon as they understand wrong. which to me is before they really can even speak. they understand no when you say no and they can see the consequence . its usually a natural consequence that early though or if they have a toy and keep sticking it in their mouth you keep saying no and taking out until you have to take it away then they see oh i cant put it in my mouth when she says no or she will take it away something like that
the moment they start to go the wrong way
Boy when he will grow up then he will start teaching himself from his goods and bads
& HE WILL REPENT THE BAD
So Trianing Is NOT Required.
Do it young around 2 or 3 therefore they will no better early
well a baby can be discipline at a very young age the earlier the better for u .. and using time-out is good for a baby on till the age of 5 then u make it bigger … u have to always let her know what she doing is wrong and mummy dont like it and she shouldn’t do it again !! .. with time all should be better !!
Am not comparing the two,but children and pets are brought into our lives by us why would you want to discipline ? Enjoy them,bond w/them,talk as friends,share your lives ! How would YOU like someone else to treat you,say you were not doing something they thought was not right (would you like to be disciplned?) STOP the displine and enjoy !!!
I think a better question than “At what age should you discipline a child?” would be “What types of discipline are appropriate for different behaviors at each age.
A little baby doesn’t understand he’s doing something wrong when he pulls my hair or rips my glasses off my face and throws them on the floor. But even then I can give him a firm no and a frown face. The frown face helps him learn what “no” means. Once he shows he understands the meaning of “no” gentle punishment for no-nos is ok. Like, for hitting his brothers or me, I tell my 2 year old NO and hold his hand still for ten seconds (which is easier to carry out than a regular “time-out”). I personally believe light hand-slaps are appropriate for children as young as 18 months who won’t keep reaching for the stove after hearing “no.” (Dr. Dobson says this too). At this age
Oh dear…speaking of little hands going where they’re not supposed to, I got up to get something off the stove and my little one clicked on the keyboard and submitted that for me. I was going to say that at that age (18 months) things like times outs are hard for children to understand. And any discipline that doesn’t occur one the spot right when they do something is pointless. They just don’t understand.
When they’re 3 you can punish them for things they did that you didn’t catch them in the act (like drawing on the walls) but at 2 if you don’t catch him crayon in hand, don’t bother.
Punishments like chores aren’t affective until later (especially because little children like to help, and you don’t want to kill that by making it a punishment).
Taking away rewards doesn’t work until they can understand cause and effect and have some concept of time (now, later, etc)…well, unless it’s taking away the toy they just hit you with, which works really well even at early age.
Children understand much earlier than they can talk – So, yes, they can “understand” the meaning of “NO” – far earlier than you think – An 8-9 month old can detect the displeasure of a stern “No-no” and removal from the situation – such as the mother should have done with the child that bit.
Once a child is more cognizant of others – as a 3 year old – If the stern word doesn’t work – or if the child returns to the item, looks at you, and does the deed anyway(such as repeated going to the stero or stove and turning the knobs) – then you are dealing with a strong-willed child – and I see nothing wrong with “getting his attention” with a pop on his leg, saying “no” and removing him to another room – to divert his attention.
The goal is always to correct behavior and TEACH appropriate behavior – and to not discipline in anger.
As the mother of seven wonderful children (but not perfect) I can give you my experience. From the time they started crawling and pulling themselves up, I started correcting them. Whether it was “don’t touch, HOT!” or “that is naughty, you hurt your sister/brother” there was monitoring and correction. Temper tantrums were not responded to thus they ceased to occur rather quickly.
For example, when that friendly, darling 11 month old pulls someone’s hair–she needs to be pulled back, told “no that is very naughty, you hurt him” then if she throws a tantrum, you ignore it completely. Throwing tantrums is a bid for attention, if at home, I put them safely away in their rooms until the tantrum stopped. If in public, I stood aside and made absolutely no response until the tantrum stopped. If the child gets no attention for throwing a tantrum, they quickly learn that it is a rather useless thing to do. This is a very simple behavior modification technique.
A really big thing might get a smack on the bottom, yes I believe in spanking to a point. Running into the street will get a smacked bottom, doing something naughty will not. I actually spanked my childrren so seldom that even today my 28 year old son can tell you each time he got a spanking and why.
But the most important thing to remember is that children will live up to the expectations we set for them. If we expect them to behave properly, they will. All we have to do is show them the way and love them no matter what. After each correction has sunk in they need a hug and a kiss, and to be assured that though the behavior was naughty, we still love them.
Discipline does not equal punishment. Discipline is the consistent teaching and modeling of appropriate behavior, sometimes stopping and addressing issues as need be. It sounds like you are doing exactly that! Way to go!!! About the other parents? We can only raise our own children. Other parents will often make us want to ask them what on earth they are thinking. However, we still can’t tell them how to parent.
Your child(ren) will be blessed to have a mother who is concerned with teaching them right and wrong ways to behave. My only suggestion is to talk several times before going to the playground. Talk about how we ack when we want to play with another child. Maybe find some little friends you can have play dates with. At your child’s age, starting with only one other child is a good learning experience. Taking one that age to the playground and expecting wisdom from them is not possible, as you already know.
well i think at about 1 1/2 i think is about the time i think it should start
maybe 12 moths use the word NO!!!!!!!!! alot and sternly if they do somthing wrong
I say that around 9 mos on up is old enough to discipline a child b/c they are able to somewhat comprehend, they definetely can understand “no” and “stop”. A lil light spank on the hand is not abuse but it’s a form of discipline. My lil cousin who is now 10mos, raises him hand back to hit you back if you try to hit him but we spank his hand so that he learns early on that that’s not right. We also spank his little hands when he tries to play w/ electrical cords, sockets,etc. Now when they get about 1 years old on up, the spanking of the hands is no longer effective. When they are 1 on up, you spank them and explain to them why they were spanked or explain what it is they did wrong. Let me say that time outs aren’t effective at all. The earlier you discipline them, the better. The older they are and you don’t discipline them from early on then the harder it will be to do it. Different types of discipline are definetely needed at different ages. Moreover, I’m not saying to spank them for every little thing, you should know what’s in the best interest of your child, they won’t love you any less for disciplining them. Make sure you praise them when they do something good or accomplish things.
when they are old enough to understand that what they are doing is wrong.
One way that worked for me when my children were very young; is to think of discipline as teaching instead of equating discipline only with punishment. When you think of teaching your 11 month old, you will come up with ideas that are perhaps already working; infants and toddlers learn from everything you do!
When you do need to correct your 11 month old; try to be calm as possible. When your daughter pulls another child’s hair; frown and calmly tell her “no”, get down and tell her “Do not pull hair”. If she throws a tantrum, then carry her away from the other kids, let her have her tantrum while you calmly hold her. Do not spend a lot of time explaining anything to her at 11 months old. Just be consistent-every time she pulls hair she gets the “no”, and every time she throws a tantrum she is taken some place away from fun and attention. Tantrums only mean that she goes further from her playmates. She may be upset, but mom is not worried, mom will be calm until she settles down. Once she has calmed down then she can go back and play. Apologize to the other parents only after your daughter has calmed down and back to playing.
So, first you stop your daughter from hurting another child, and then you follow that up with teaching her what she can do. Give her a toy to play with. Give her her own snack. When she is playing nicely, be sure to smile at her when she looks up at you, tell her she is a good girl once in awhile.
The other situation you describe is just too sad. How on earth do we expect our children to get along when the adults behave in ways that don’t show them how?
I am not a mother but I have nieces and nephews. I think that a child as young as one is old enough to know what no means. Children are not as stupid as some people tend to make them. Once a child starts talking, they know what words are. They may not know the full meaning to some of those words but yes and no are words that they understand and know the meanings to. Why do you think the “terrible 2′s” are so terrible? Your child will learn to push buttons to see what he or she can get away with. If you don’t discipline and tell him or her that what they are doing in wrong they will think that what they are doing is right. I can’t say that I know what you’re going though but I can say I’ve seen some naughty little babies; you have to have control over the situation. Disciplining your children is NOT wrong. Many say that it is, but, if there aren’t rules there is no stability in a child’s life. Keep working at it and “lay down the law”!
~Becky~
I participated in a class once that has proved to be invaluable for dealing with children of all ages. It was based on a book titled “Active Parenting”. I would recommend it to anyone. As I remember, they advocate consequences, not punishment. Preventive Action, rather than Re-action; encouragement, not blame, and use techniques such as explaining the expected behavior to a child prior to an activity. For Example: “We will sit quietly during the movie” We never bite other children” . As for babies, they can be taught to understand basic words and if a word like “No” or “Hot” is used in the right tone it can be instructive, not emotionally distracting to the child. The three-year old who bit the nine-month old should have been told immediately to apologize and the mother should have taken him out of the room afterward. As a side-note…I breast-fed all 3 of my children and each one of them bit me exactly once. All I did was yell “ouch! ” and they understood i had been hurt and were able to relate it to their own action because they never did it again. The key here is to make a young child understand without putting them on the defensive. Spanking is never a good idea in my book. If a child feels threatened it is much more difficult for them to learn, and will often make them shy or insecure in the long run. One technique that works really well if you feel your child needs to control their own environment is this: Instead of saying “Pick up that toy now!” or “Go to bed right now” Say, “Would you like to pick up your toys now or after we read a story? (have a snack, etc..) Or, “Would you like to go to bed now or in 10 minutes?” That way, there are 2 choices, both of which produce the desired outcome. I should mention my 3 kids are 14, 20 and 24 now and all doing very well
When they’re born.
I am from the old school of raising children – Close the Spock Book and apply to seat of pants at the age of birth. You start disciplin when you bring the child home from the hospital, don’t think they don’t know when they are bugging or doing something wrong, even a baby knows; actually the parents need to be disciplined if they are not disciplining the child. You are not doing the child any good by not disciplining you are actually hurting them. They need to know the world doesn’t revolve around them and that the parents and other elders like teachers etc are in charge, they are not, and they need to learn early on to obey their elders and respect them as well as other people’s lives and things, if not taught they turn out bad and wind up in Jail.
As for reporting a parent for disciplin those that do should be the ones that are in court, a good spanking never hurt a child and it cure many. If it is actual abuse that is different and easily seen, but most cases are not and never were. To take the ability to disciplinn away from the parents and the teachers in school is the worse thing we ever did. No respect is given to adults by children since that happened.
Mine got his first smack on the diper by his father when he was about a month old and insisted on fussing during evening hours when he was fed, dry and should have been asleep. He was just trying to get attention, dad went up and went pop on his diper, that was the end of that and it didn’t hurt him it just startled him enough he quite.
Children that are not disciplined are the ones that yell and cry and act like little monsters (correction, are monsters) in Wal-Mart and the grocery store. They grow up to be the ones that cause problems in school and become juvinal delinquents or worse.
This “new age” of thinking toward disciplin is for the birds, and Dr. Spock’s advice was the worst any parent could have listened too. Set the hand to the seat and raise a good kid, listen to the bleeding hearts and visit him in jail in a few years.
Add on
My niece would try to kick sometimes when she was getting her diaper changed and she would get a little slap on her leg and a firm no. This was around 7 months. She definitely understood. And she did not start crying or anything. She just stopped the kicking rude behavior
You should start disciplining a child as soon as it it born. Just in the same way they say reading to a child while still in the womb will make it smarter, starting to teach disciplinary measures, ettiquette, and manners while still in an infant state will allow the child to grow up with those disciplines…rather than act like a tyrannical monster at the age of 5, when you finally say “no” for the first time.
If you grow up with limitations and disciplinary measures, you can usually avoid the “spoiled brat” and “monster” stages of a childs growing up.
Plus, a child who grows up with discipline, manners, and ettiquette usually have better lives in the long run, as they have learned that the world does not revolve around them, and all other people “owe” them.
Children raised with discipline and manners usually make better adults too, and also make better students and go on to be better at whatever career they choose to get into.
Rules of thumb for growing a better child:
*Do not allow children to eat sugar products until 10 years old. Sweets are for treats and holidays, not a staple in a daily diet. Most all kids who are raised without sugared foods and candy in thier diets as a staple product, usually dont develope a “sweet tooth”.
Less likely to have diabetes and other health issues later on in life.
*ALWAYS make your promises a reality. If you promise a child that he/she will have toys taken away for being bad…then keep that promise! Do not allow yourself the “guilt monster” feeling. You are doing this to teach your children a point.
If you promise a child you will do something fun for a job well done, or a high grade in school, then keep that promise. These types of promises being broken can do a lot of damage.
*Make RULES for the house, car, roadway/sidewalk, cleaning the house, taking care of the pets, etc….
Write it down in a notebook. Have it readily available for anyone to read, in case of questions about something. Written guideliines and house rules work SO much better than verbal “because I said so’s”.
*Live what you preach. Children are not stupid. If they see mommy and daddy lieing and cheating people, they will grow up thinking this is appropriate behavior. It is not. We have enough criminals in this country, we dont need more.
*TV’s and computers can be programmed to show only certain channels. Dont throw fits at the tv station or broadcast network for showing something you dont like. Have it blocked. There are smart remotes that can be programmed to only go to certain channels as well. Be interested in what your kids watch and listen too.
*Watching what kind of music your kids listen too is just as important as what they watch on tv and at the movies. Find appropriate groups, bands, and singers who have something your kids will like and you can be happy with. Lyrics are a big part of this too. There are thousands of online sites where you can look up any song and read the lyrics. People such as Lady Gaga may be fun to listen too, but her lyrics are adult and in my opinion, not meant for children.
*Find time to talk with your child. Whether its to read a book together, watch a movie together, or play outside……children who grow up with parents who find time for them are less likely to find “other” things to occupy thier time.
*If your child is curious about things, allow them to talk about it. It may not be a subject you are comfortable with, but the child needs answers. If you cannot give advice to your child on something, find someone you trust, who you believe can help. The worst thing you can tell a child is “you’ll find out when you are older”. As they say…”that is the WRONG thing to say”.
*Explain your actions. Children need to know WHY something is said or WHY they are being punished, or WHY somebody at school is harassing them. Explain. The more the child knows, the better equipped they can be in the long run.
*Knowledge is power. Power for good grades, power for better understanding, better for communication, better for growing up. Dont ever be a “door stop” for any child wanting to know, read, understand, and go forward. Children stagnated by their parents usually grow up to have stagnated lives. Children who grow up with parents who have a balance of discipline and understanding the world, and relating that to the child..usually grow up to be those “better people” you keep hearing about.
You shouldnt discipline at an early age. More like never. My parents made that mistake and now I’m emo, and I’m vegitarian.. Lacto-ovo-vegitarian to be exact, and i rebel against my parents. I wear black eyeliner and cut because I hate the way my life is. I hate the way my parents refuse to let me listen to my music, regardless of the words that are in the songs, I hate how she doesnt like the way I dress, and how she calls my friends ‘weirdo’s’ because they look like me. -.-! Dont discipline!
this question is REAL easy. They call it the terrible 2′s, so this is when you start if you never discipline your kid with a firm spank, theyll never learn. The pushovers say words work better then actions, well wrong that is why alot of kids now have no respect and no discipline, thus…the sooner you start the better.
Well i am not actually a parrent that much i might say but i have few things that i need to share. According to me so far and to what my parrents have thought me and in compareson to other people that have been growing up and evolving around me i have the following observations to share.
A My friends that had very strict parrents who didn’t allow relationships/going out/staying up to late now end up doing that after the age of 18 and are in the biggest problems in life.
The once who were allowed to do all the crazy stuff they wanted to do such as my self for instance. My mother doesn’t prohibit anything tatoos smoking you name it but i don’t do it not because she doesn’t want me to because i have a choice. It’s alot easier for someone to accept something when there is a choice it’s my idea not to do it regardless of anyone’s opinnion and because my parrents explained to me at a very young age about all the mature things possible sex/smoking/drugs all of that i knew when i was around 10/12 Now i don’t do either one of the things my friends are doing point i am trying to make here is that parrents should not try to be actual parrents prohibiting everything bur rather be friends with the child in question it seems to have worked out great between me and my mother. Because now i don’t treat her like a parrent that tries to explain everything to me but rather a friend i could share with without having to hide anything this is coming from me and as i am not really a parrent but this is my observation so far and i know for sure that when i have a child i will defenetly not reise it according to the bible with no offence of course i would much rather raise i in my own way and the way my mother did since i believe that it turns into the best kind of way. I am now 18Y old studying for programmer and not doing any of the bad habbits my friends around me have all because of the fact i was given a choice. Take this under advisement if you will
Discipline – which is totally different from punishment – starts from the moment your child is born. This means the parent must always model good behavior and be the parent – no exceptions. It means making sure your child’s needs are met before putting them in a public situation. This means not backing down, even when you are embarrassed. And, yes, it means that sometimes you will have to forego something you really want or want to do in favor of being consistent for your child.
Well, I don’t know anything about parenting *high school student*, but I do know a bit about learned behavior*studies psychology*.
Psychologists by the name of Gibson and Walk created an experiment to see if infants had depth perception. Babies from 6-14 mos. were used in the study. These babies showed that they would not crawl off a cliff (don’t worry, it was fake-it only looked like a cliff) even if their mothers were on the other side. This shows that infants have learned that falling means pain and therefore to avoid falling.
Therefore, it is 100% safe to assume that babies as young as 6 mos. (and possibly younger) are capable of learned behavior.
Unproven thoughts-if babies can grow mentally due to the Mozart effect (which basically states that the increased stimulation of one’s mind in the womb and as an infant will cause one to develop an increased number of neural pathways(bigger brain)), then why wouldn’t a baby grow mentally through discipline?
The question is how to teach them.
Since we’re on the subject of discipline, I’ll speak strictly of punishment, although what I am saying also applies to reinforcement.
If you only discipline a child sometimes, this is what is called partial punishment, but if you discipline her all the time, it’s called continuous punishment.
For partial, a child learns the proper behavior very slowly, because she thinks-because she is not always disciplined-”this will be the time I get away with it.”
For continuous, a child learns very quickly not to act out because mommy always punishes her.
For more information, research operant conditioning.
On a side note, a second and almost as vital of a method of learning is modeling. Children observe and imitate the behavior of others, especially adults, and especially adults of the same sex. This means you, as mommy, are naturally even more influential to her than daddy is.
Okay, now to incorporate that into parenting (which, again, I know nothing about). Your child is old enough, so start disciplining her now. Always discipline her, or she’ll think she can get away with it. Also, after her punishment is over, don’t forget to always tell her why it’s wrong to do what she did, or she may not fully understand how she did something wrong. And also, always do so in a loving manner and tell your baby you love her.
I cannot exactly explain why the latter part is important, but Super Nanny explained it pretty darn well, so I figured I’d use her wisdom. And finally, set a good example and make sure she is always in a proper environment.
>< I hope at least part of what I said was original, as I did not take the time to read all of the other responses. GOOD LUCK!
Sources- Forty Studies that Changed Psychology 6th Edition by Roger Hock, Super Nanny, and Psychology in Action 6th Edition by Karen Huffman.
It really depends but it fluctuates so it depends on your child. No child is the same…
Here’s a parenting tip I’ve learned from babysitting tips from parents:
Don’t feed the baby whenever it cries. You make the schedule. You get fed at this, this, this, this, and this time. Cry all you want but you not getting no food until it’s time. Teach them about saving/earning money around 6-8 years old.
At age 5, they have conscience….at age 7 you should be strongly teaching them and at 10 , discipline them
I don’t like this word very much. It seems so harsh. One should start teaching a child the moment a child can understand.
Lazy parents discipline or punish, active parents re-direct their childs play.
A small child understands as much as it can speak, therefore it is useless to discipline, because the child doesn’t have the cognitive development to “get it.”
Toddlers have the attention span of a gnat, just remove her from the situation and give her something else to do.
Your toddler doesn’t pull hair because she is mean, she is just trying to figure out what it.
I believe there is no magic age to start training a child as to right and wrong. I depends entirely upon the rate of maturity of the child.
When a child throws food in the floor from the high chair , take the child out of the his chair and have him (her) to help pick up the food and put it in a trash receptacle and then sit the child down again and explain that food does not go in the floor.
When a child pulls up or crawls up to a table with decorations on it and starts handling the things and being rough take the objects in your hand and explain that they are easy to break and we have to be gentle and show the child how to handle the object and say “soft, pretty” and then had the object to the child explaining and guarding all the while. Then take the object and put it up to your face and say “gentle, pretty, let’s sit it back so we can enjoy it again. Being very gentle and the next time the child touches the object you are very likely to hear them o-o–ing and ah-h-h-ing and being ever so gentle and if not repeat the earlier lesson.
As far as biting goes, if one child bites another the only way to correct this is have the bitten child bite the biter and chances are that will never happen again. A child has to learn to respect another and never allow your child to hit or bit you. A child learns quickly but we have to have the good sense to teach them.
It never hurts to tap, not hit, a child’s hand if they continue to abuse things that you have given lesson after lesson about. You don’t have to physically hurt a child to get their attention but tapping little hands sometirmes hurts little feelings and that sparks a memory they don’t want repeated. After the lesson always show love but hugging but never by rewards like candy or cookies or you will see bad behavior repeated for a reward,
You have to be mature enough to teach your child before having a child. Don’t ignore bad behavior or you will be visiting your child behind bars one day because the rest of the world does no have to and will not accept bad behavior.
Teaching our children is the kindest thing we can do for them. Ignoring bad behavior brings heartache to not only your child but to you.
The moment your child does something you consider bad – THAT’s when you discipline.
You can’t think “oh, s/he’s too young too know the difference…”
Well how else do you expect them to learn if you won’t teach them?
It’s really all about the TYPE of discipline.
A stern “NO!” and a finger pointing would be sufficient for the little little ones.
Pets can’t communicate with humans.
But I bet you $1000 if you scolded your dog using the same method when he did something bad, he would know he’s in trouble.
I used to spray my cats with water when they jumped on the counter, and they stopped doing it.
(I’m not trying to compare children to animals btw)
When they ARE old enough to communicate – then you explain why what they’re doing is wrong.
I think that discipline should begin as soon as understanding does. I was basically a good child and required few spankings by my mother (I think the 2 or incidents I recall may have been all I ever got.) However my grandparents never laid a hand on me, but a shake of a finger and a well placed, “Hey!” Was all it took to bring me in line.” Teach early teach often and be consistent. Reward good behavior and don’t give in to the cycle of feeling guilty so you reward bad.
I am a stay @ home Dad and let me say that you or anyone should never ever hit a child to discipline them.
EVERY parent should respect their child as they should respect you. If you ever hit your child for any reason, (to me… you should be punched in your mouth for being so ignorant and uneducated).Ask your child by saying PLEASE… don’t do that or PLEASE…stop doing that.
When they do always say THANK YOU for stopping that. IF they do not stop per your request…simply walk over to them (WITHOUT A ATTITUDE) and stop them from doing what ever they were doing and say THANK YOU. remove them from the room and go about your business.
NEVER. EVER hit your child’s hand(s) for this will leave a very psychological impression that your child’s hands are bad and not their actions.
To me…you should start disciplining your child from day one. A infant and toddler are smarter than you think, they know perfectly well what you are trying to convey by the tone of your voice and the look on your face. They know when you are pleased with them and when you are angry. Don’t be fooled because they haven’t a fully developed mind yet. IF you are someone who gets angry and very upset with the actions of your child and are hitting your child than maybe your not fit to be a parent. PLEASE for the sake of the child’s well being adopt them out OR get yourself into anger management classes.
here the Philippines at the age of seven…..
You should be at least 20 yrs. old to discipline a child.
The real question is how to discipline the child, not when, the best way to discipline child is to tell him what and why he does wrong and what course of action that should have been taken to make it right, do this in gentle and positive tone, do not be too assertive , a sensitive child may feel criticized and lose confidence or self-esteem in himself , if that happens, then disciplining him would have created more problem, not a solution
For the parents that believe spanking children as early as a month old is an appropriate way of disciplining their child, know this…. Your thinking is immature and abuse toward your child and if I see you do so I will NOT approach you but will follow you until I know where you live, or what your license tag number is and turn you in to DSS for doing so. I have done so before, and will again. My advice, take parenting classes to learn good parenting skills before someone like me takes action.
(wish my mother was as concerned whilst raising me)
I am a final yr student of psychology and would not make a claim to have had any major experience with infants.
Yet I have often observed that every baby has a very innocent conscience which has not been nurtured in the ways of the world. Infants are most easily understood if an adult can learn to look at the big wide world through the innocent unassuming eyes of their child.
Children, especially under the age of three are to be treated with extreme caution and care as it is the only stage in their lives when they mirror behaviors of their immediate surrounding i.e. parents.
The best discipline imparted to every human manifestation of life is acceptance and practical application of the Higher virtue, it is simple for the child’s understanding and consequently imbibes a willingly obliged practice which eventuality shapes the child’s manners.
A penny for your thoughts. Hope my suggestion was helpful. All the best.
you should start saying yes and no as soon as possible. that will start the training process and the child’s understanding of what things it can and can not do. as far as punishment, it all depends on the child. how intelligent they are, what their understanding of the situation is, and whether or not they know not to do whatever they did. most children should start be punished about 1 year. but no severely. and the punishment should always suit the crime. don’t spank them for not eating their vegetables for example.
A child under 2 should not be punished – especially physically. It will take from that beautiful innocence they have and direct them towards not having compassion when they are older.
You can start teaching a child what is right or wrong as soon as you think they can understand – but do it through positive reinforcement or by removing them from bad situations.
At any age when disciplined correctly.
Using GOOD behavior to correct BAD behavior, you are giving the example and not becoming the example.
I babysit for a little 2 year old girl who really responds well to time-outs. Her parents told me to give her time outs for 2 minutes, and afterwards the bad behavior has normally vanished, at least temporarily. Don’t ever spank the child, at least before they can understand. Once they do, though, the behavior will normally stop in fear of the spanking. At 11 months, though, definitely remove the child. Say no, and before long the child will start to respond. If the child is old enough to do all of these naughty things, they are old enough to get disciplined for it. The only trick is to know how much disciplining to do.
I think you ought to start training a child when they first start doing something that’s wrong or something that you don’t agree with. babies are VERY capable of learning a lot in a short period of time. Whenever they start doing things you don’t agree with, you should tell them “no” and when they do good things, obviously you should communicate in some way to them that they did good. even if its just a smile or a kiss or something small, they know that they did something good. Usually, alot of parents just wanna tell them when they did wrong. and a lot of times, this doesnt help the situation, they need to discover the difference between yes and no. even if theyre just tiny and are barely starting to get into stuff, if you ignore a few times and let it go, it’ll confuse them more than anything. they’ll know just by body language from the parent that they did wrong, and when you accompany that with the word no, they learn what it means. yes, babies are adorable and no one wants to dissapoint them or make them sad, but that turns into a child that doesn’t know when to stop because they’ve gotten mixed signals. Or, they know sometimes you’ll just let whatever they did go, so they’ll take the chance of getting in trouble because sometimes, you ignored what they did wrong and you might this time too. Now im not in any way saying you should scream at your child and beat it. I don’t recommend that to ANYONE. At first when they do something, tell them no like you’re just telling them not to do it, and if they keep pushing it, then sit them down and tell them why they cant do it, if they keep going then try a time-out or something like that. if they’re very young, you should probably keep them in time-out for the same amount of minutes that they are old. This is just from personal experience, i have two smaller siblings that i used to have to watch for 23 hrs out of a day just about, and it’s definitely worked for me. never underestimate how smart a child is, they have so much capacity to learn very quickly. I hope this helps =)