Ask Mike: A question of manners
Hey Guys,
I like to think of myself as a polite person. I say “please,” “thank you,” and even utter the occasional “Gesundheit” in the interest of international relations. Lately, however, I’ve been struggling with another question of manners. When, if ever, can I call my friends’ parents by their first names?
Now, keep in mind that I’m not talking about calling people who I just met by their first names. I’m referring to the parents of friends you’ve known for a long time. You grew up calling them “Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So” and thanking them for driving you to the mall. But now you’re not a kid anymore, and calling them by their formal titles feels, well, a little lame.
I found a like-minded person with a similar question on Yahoo! Answers. Though the asker doesn’t specify his or her age, most responders write one should probably play it safe and stick to the formal title until the parent asks you to “just call me Sharon.”
I looked around for a more official answer to this etiquette riddle and found one courtesy of Miss Manners herself. In a column directed toward a teenager who asked whether or not it’s OK to call the parents of friends by their first names, Miss Manners writes that “The correct choice… is whatever and whenever the elder generation decides.”
In other words, age trumps all. If I’m 75 and my friends’ parents want to be called Mr. and Mrs. Jones instead of Frank and Bernice, I don’t have much of a choice if I want to be polite. They put up with me when I was a kid, so apparently I’m grandfathered in until they say otherwise. Miss Manners does offer a hint if you want to make the switch. “If you want to prod them into voicing a different preference, just keep inserting the formal address into your conversation, thus giving them a chance to invite you to use their first names.”
What do you guys think of this rule? As adults, do you still call the parents of your friends by their formal names? Or did you decide the whole thing is ridiculous and adopt a first name only approach? Please leave a comment below and share your ideas.
Thanks for reading,
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To answer your question: You NEVER call your best friend’s parents by their first name or nickname, unless they insist upon it and give permission to do so. If they do not ever mention it and not give permission to do so, then you continue to call them by Mr. and Mrs. (insert last name here).
I do the same with my teachers at college. If they insist on being addressed by their first name, than I will do that. If they do not, I will continue to us their last name.
With my own inlaws and MY ‘elders’, and for people who’ve assumed to call ME by my given name.
I agree with you that it should be the titles until otherwise permission is given.
Just in your question/blog, thank you. Thank you for reminding me what the proper way is.
The way I grew up, I respectfully but familarly called my grandmom’s friend Aunt Alexandra because that is what I was told to call her. Names of any kind should be by permission or instruction only.
What bugs ME is when my own kids call me by my given name or disrespectfully call me “Mother”. (Not to be confused with the turn of the 18th century and that was a SIGN of respect.)
Other than a coworker, it does feel strange calling someone by their first name and for a few years, I couldn’t figure out why… thanks for the reminder.
u can just call them mom and dad it sounds sweet and polite.
mike,,, you can call me mr livewire til the day i die…
Yes, I know exactly how that feels. Addressing my friends’ parents as ‘Mister’ or ‘Misses’ Whatever just sounds very strange to me.
Luckily, in Vietnamese (my culture and background), one would address women old enough to be one’s mother as ‘cô’ [aunt], and men old enough to be one’s father as ‘bác’ or ‘chú’ [both meaning 'uncle']. People old enough to be your grandparents? Female = Bà [Grandmother], male = Ông [Grandfather]. To show more familiarity or closeness, we address them by their respective titles with their first name attached to the end. So Aunt Thanh could be addressed as simply Aunt [cô] or Aunt Thanh [cô Thanh].
Now why did this turn out to be a Vietnamese language lesson? Well, you can try weaving this way of addressing people into your speech. This is not a new suggestion, as many non-Vietnamese have done this for generations (it’s even in the culture of many).
But then again, it might sound strange in today’s Western society to address someone not related by blood as ‘Auntie’ or ‘Uncle’. It also sounds like a very difficult thing to try out as well…
As a rule-of-thumb I generally tend to continue calling them Mr. and Mrs. until they insist I call them by their first names. It mostly depends on my relationship with them. When I was thirteen or fourteen my friend’s parents insisted I called them by their first names whereas other parents never made mention of it. Sometimes you’re fortunate enough to be in a situation where you do not have to refer to them by a name after the initial greeting. I’ve always find it respectful and polite to just greet them with a Mr. or Mrs. until told otherwise. If I’m introduced to them by their first name, then first name it is, and the same applies for being introduced with formal names.
My Mother always insisted she be called by her first name.That is to my friends and everyone else she met.I saw that as her way of saying,take it easy,we are all people,none better than the other. As long as I was calling someone Mr. or Mrs.we are still barely aquainted. I personally find that offensive if I am not told,please call me Lucy or whatever.Then I’m not good enough to be informal.In that case i’ll put myself in a more comfortable group.Maybe you are the only one that refers to them as Mr and Mrs,outside of the mailman and they have a greater respect for you because of your evident good manners. Only you can judge your situation,is it comfortable?can you live with it? Like I said my friends called my mother by her name but,I still did the Mr, and Mrs thing.This topic could go on forever.I just dont feel close to Mr.Jones
I call them by formal names still… no matter YOUR age they are still your elders. I just think its not only polite but also respectful. Imagine if you had a child would you respond well if your childs friend (no matter the age) came up and called you Mike? To the parents… their children and childrens friends will always be their “babies”.
Well, I have the same problem, that is I feel embarassed when some older people are proposing to me to call them by name.
Usually, I try to be ubidient and make them happy, but this lasts just 1 day! Next time that I meet them, I behave as usually and I explain that it is difficult to me to change my habbits; all these with a smile in my face…
On my opinion, it doesn’t make any substansial difference calling them by name but this is relative to the position somebody has and where he deals with.
On the other hand, I can’t accept that whatever adults say or decide is correct, so I can’t fully agree with Miss Manners.
If this was true, our society, would be different!
The way I see it, Mr. and Mrs. “T” will forever and always be Mr. and Mrs. T. Old habbits are hard to break, especially after ten years.
I’ve been friends with my closest 3 friend’s now for about 10 years. I used to address their parents by “Mr.” and “Mrs.” Until I found out that one of my friends parents were actually not married, just living together under common law. I had been calling her mother by the wrong last name, but I was never corrected until my friend heard it herself. It was at that point that my friend told me it would be alright to call her parents by their first names.
I was about 18 when that happened, and since then I’ve always addressed them as Sharon and Tony, if I address them at all. I know it sounds sort of rude, but most of the time when I go over to their house it’s never personalized conversations, it’s just a group conversation.
So, in short, I call them all by their first name but it was only after I was invited in doing so. So, my suggestion is the same as Miss Manners, wait for the invitation because some people don’t like it if you call them anything other than their respectable titles. I just happened to get invited to it through their children because of the circumstance.
In any other circumstance I usually clarify with the person I’m talking to how they’d like to be addressed.
if you know them verry well like going over to their house every weekend like after the 5th week
What is ridiculous is you coming up with the notion that you have the right to call your friends parents by their first names at all!
It is proper etiquet, something you do not have, to always call a parent by their formal names.
I do not care if you are 40 years old! Respect is respct…so get that silly notion out of your head.
I can share so of my experience in another different culture – Chinese culture. In Chinese culture, it is always not polite to call an older person in his/her first name. To call a person older than you, you should always call him Mr and her Mrs/Ms So-and-So, or Lao (means old) + last name. For people are older and famous, you should always call them last name + Lao (show your special respects) For the people you know for a long time, call them like Uncle Aunt are always welcome and polite. Thanks for sharing your experience and opinions with us.
I don’t usually call my friends parents by anything. I usually avoided calling them by anything by just saying a simple answer. Because my mind worked like this, if adults didn’t call them by their last name, then I didn’t have to either. If everybody is equal, then I supposed that it included children and adults were equal also. So if adults didn’t call other adults by their last name, then children don’t have to either.
That was just how my mind worked.
I actually laughed when I read this blog!
I’m 17 yers old, and I call my friends parents Mr and Mrs/Miss XYZ, even if they say ‘Just call me ABC’, it’s what I was taught growing up. However, my friends laugh at me for doing this! They call my parents by their first name, and my parents are perfectly fine with that, but I have never felt comfortable calling an adult by their first name….weird huh?
l call my friends parents Mr. or Mrs. first name. i was never taught to use their last names.
Hi,
I have funny story about myself: as I have steady sinus and neuralgia pains it is normal that my look changes. Healthy I look younger more than 20 years.
What happens to me in such a situation? When I have no pains people call me by my name or they say DU (German) – younger person and not SIE (older person).
I think that calling people by name should be compliment and nothing bad. It means also that the other person thinks you are equal to them.
I was raised in two different traditions and cultures and in both cultures we call the elders, uncle or auntie…
i have a very odd situation. my best friend happens to be six years older than my mother. so i feel odd when he addresses my mother with a formal title because they’re so close in age. i really am unsure how to handle that situation because my mother feels awkward about it. i am about nineteen years younger than my mom.
As a parent, I prefer the kid start out by calling me “Miss ___” first. I allow plenty of kids to call me that, to establish the adult-child/ leader-follower relationship. Once I feel comfortable, I tell them they can call me by my first name.
I think it is best to wait until the grown-up tells you what to say. Its the same as in a job interview. You wouldnt call your potential boss “Chris”, if you knew his last name. But, if Mr Bossman says “I’m Chris”, then go ahead.
On the same note- if a kid said “Im Jacqueline”, I wouldnt call her “Jackie”, unless she said “call me Jackie!”.
Continue to call them Mr. or Mrs. so and so, until they tell you otherwise. As I have become an adult, I have certain friends parents that I still refer to as Mr./Mrs. so and so. It’s up to them.
Referring your friends’ parents by Miss, Mrs. or Mr. is by no means lame!!!! People view that as a form of respect and trust me, no one will think your lame if you still call people Mr. or Mrs. I honestly think it is well mannered and polite and it says alot about hwo you were raised. Like people have already said, unless their parents insist you call them by their first name, I would continue to call them what you have always called them. No matter how old you get, I think his or her parents will always see you as that little boy/girl that would come over and eat pbj sandwiches with their baby. Your question is funny though, because I find it difficult to start calling my friends’ parents by their first names, even if they insist, because I’ve become so used to referring to them as Mr. and Mrs.
Well, my dad always taught my brother and I to at first call people by their “adult” or “formal” name(ex. Mrs. Smith instead of Linda). If they insist that you call them something else, then it is okay to. If you are confused on what to call them, you can simply ask and they will be able to answer your question, and then you will know. So, to answer your question, yes, it is okay.(For example, my two best friends mothers, I call them Linda and Tammy, because thats what they told me to call them). It just depends on the person.
Respect does not have to do with titles. Titles have to do with veneration, an official position or a professional or academic qualifications. Fortunately we can call “Jesus” by his name. I’m sure he does not feel offended as some people do when addressed by their first name.
well, what about maybe calling them by their first name in steps, i know it sounds stupid. but in birthday cards, for example… it would be better to refer to ” have a great birthday dave’ as oppose to ” happy birthday mr. edwinson”… maybe go on from there
You may call any adult by their first name only AFTER they give you permission.
I would always call my friends’ parents by Mrs., Mr. I think it would be very disrespectful to call them by their first name.
I’ve always wondered this too. I’m an adult now and I’ve had the same friends for like seven years. I went through all my awkward stages with them and now that I’m older and mature, I find it hard to figure out what to call their parents. “Mr and Mrs” is just not right, anymore because they don’t treat me like I’m twelve anymore, they treat me like an adult. So, slowly I started them by their first name (mostly because they usually have a different last name then their kid- you know divorce and remarried) and no one has said anything. I don’t think it bothers them because we’ve known each other for years.
It’s weird growing up.
Usually, it is only okay if the adult gives you permission to call them by their first name. However, their are some exceptions. For example, when I went on vacation with my friend for a week and met her grandparents, her grandmother told me to call her Grammy and I was introduced to her Grandfather as Bill. So that’s what I called them. Also, when I hangout with my one best friend that i’ve known for years it would be acceptable to them to be called by their first names. However, I was raised to call adults by the formal name.
So, It all depends on how your introduced to them and how well you know them.
Call them what they ask to be called. It’s as easy as that. I never had to make the transition, since I moved in my late teens – in my new location, we just started out with first names. (of course, I’m in california and we’re more casual here than in other parts of the country.)
I agree with Mr./ Mrs. because your friends parents are a generation above you. It changes the dynamic also, from a Uncle/Aunt type relationship to friendship (on the same level of knowledge and experience–which isn’t really true)
When you look at the way Americans treat older people compared to other countries…you can see they put a greater value and appreciate the widsom and experience our elders offer.
My kids’ friends could call me Aunt H***** or Miss H*****(first name) …and I could tell they thought twice before talking to me…a little respect goes a long way
i have been calling my best friends mum and dad by their first name since the age of 9.
it sounds wrong to call them mr and mrs…
Well Eddie Haskel… If you keep calling them by other than their first name they probably think you’re pretty cheesy. When you act formal all the time it makes them suspicious of you.
I quite understand the confusion. I am sixteen years old, and if an adult introduces himself or herself to me as “Mr., Mrs., Ms., etc.” I will use this form of address. If, on the other hand, the person uses his or her first name to begin with, I often use the first name. On the other hand, I like to ask first, especially if the person has not introduced himself or herself with any name at all, just someone I might have gotten to know on an unstructured basis: do you prefer, I will say, to be called by your first name or otherwise? The truth is that some people HATE formal forms of address!
If you feel comfortable enough, you can call them by their first name but include mr./mrs. before hand…mr. john…sometimes it sounds corny though.
Honestly, unless they insist on it, never call them by the first name. Shorten the last name if you must, Mr./Mrs. D.
That would sound a little cooler than Ted or Charles.
I have encountered this as well, but in reverse. Some of the neighborhood kids should be saying Mr and Mrs (insert name here) can your child play with me? instead we’re getting, excuse me what is your first name? It throws me off guard. They should not assume that they can address me as my first name. Or am I wrong on this?
Never, have I ever, called someone by their first name if they are older than me. Unless they make a personal request of me to do so.
My parents and elder family will always be Mom, Dad, and or…….
Not just because I live in the South, do I answer all women with Mam. The age does not matter. All men are answered with Sir.
Right now, I am a teen. Ever since I can remember, my friends’ parents have asked me to call them Mr. and Mrs. (first name here). My parents have always insisted that my friends call them Mrs. Terri and Mr. Mitchell. They say that using a last name is too cold and formal. As for first meeting someone, I always use their last name, but in most cases, they ask me to call them by their first name plus their title.
I grew up referring to people that were close to the family, yet unrelated, by the title of Aunt or Uncle. However, if it was someone that was not close, like a neighbor, we called them Miss or Mister followed by his or her first name. E.G. Mister Randy and Miss Carolyn. I have continued this practice with my son, and I find it to be comfortable, yet polite:)
Catalina: I don’t know Jesus’s last name otherwise I would call him by that
My son and friends are now in their mid-twenties, and I’m thrilled that one of his best friends still calls us Mr & Mrs. He’s a dynamite guy, but I feel that he’s being respectful even though we have allot of laughs together. There’s another friend who has never called ME anything, which is uncomfortable, though he feels ok calling my husband by his first name. I’d prefer that the younger generation (I can’t believe it’s not me, anymore) would call me Mrs., but I seem to introduce myself by first name because it’s casual and friendly. However, then they tend to kind of walk all over me if they get too familiar.
Most of the older people at church clump parent-ages together and we go by first names.
Actually, I have NEVER called my friends’ parents Mr. and Mrs. Soandso. I have always been encouraged (by the adults) to call them by their first names (with the exception of teachers, of course).
I believe that some of this is regional…I know that in the South, it’s verboten to use an adult’s first name, but here in California, it seems very much the norm.
In fact, I remember the moment that a friend of mine asked my mother a question, and addressed her as “Mrs. Smith”. My mother stood up, and in her best outside voice, said, “My name is JANE!” She was actually offended at being addressed by something other than the name she was given.
I guess that’s exactly why Miss Manners suggests using whatever name the individual requests.
i call my friends’ parents “auntie” and “uncle”
^_^
I agree with the majority. Call these ppl by their titles until they give u permission 2 do otherwise.
Using the Mr or Ms , Mrs are a sign of manners yes , but also a sign of respect . I use them to also show that talking to them , like Sir or Mam are set to a higher plain . you know your boss . Some women get offended with mam , but teachers and women of big business expect it . You can not go wrong with manners . It can be the difference between you and some one else for a job .
Yeah, it’s weird. Are you german? if so, just try and stick to Herr soandso and Frau soanso until they ask otherwise. It’s polite and easy. try whatever suits you though. My mother always speaks with other adults like mr. soandso and mrs. soandso. I think it works well!
You can call them by their first names or nicknames only if you were invite to do so by them
Some people like being addressed formally, but a lot of people are put off by it because it makes them feel old or out of touch. Because of this, I don’t think a true rule exists. People need to lighten up and not be put off by a first offense. If I call you Mister and you don’t like it, tell me and I’ll call you by your first name. If I call you by your first name and you don’t like it, tell me and I’ll call you Mister. Miss Manners is, in my opinion, a bit stuffy and unrealistically formal. Aren’t you more polite to strangers than you are to your family and friends? Her rule of addressing your ‘elders’ formally has no hard line–where is the line if you’re in your thirties or forties, or even fifties, when a person’s age can be so ambiguous? I often meet people who are younger than me but are graying prematurely, or balding, or have been far too exposed to the sun to decipher an age. The fact that so many people ask questions concerning rules of etiquette leads me to believe that there is a plethora of standards. The polite thing is for people to be more forgiving if they are addressed in a way that doesn’t suit them, and to be able to graciously request a different title.
Mike, if I were you, I’d test the waters and call them by their first names. They probably haven’t said anything because you have always addressed them formally, and they see you the same as they always have. They might not sense the change in your relationship as you have–you’ve come of age since you’ve known them…they’ve always been adults to you. If you are close to these people, they’ll forgive any offense.
God speed.
mike why is he so great he’s probale like everyone else
sometimes,i call my best friends mom ‘momma’ but only sometimes. i usually dont talk to her.
but when talkin t her mom i usually say yes,mam. or something like that
Well, me being a teenager, most of my friends’ parents i will just call by their first name. First time i meet them i would say “I am _____” and they would say “I am ____”, using their first name only, therefore that’s what i call them. My very, very, very close friend, who i have known both she and her parents i will simply call them “Mom & Dad”.. Of course in a joking manner. They always get a kick out of me and my silly personality so therefore, it’s appropriate. They are also very cool and laid-back, so it’s no big deal with me called them that. But if your friends parents’ are more up-tight, i would stick with the titles, only told otherwise.
Hope i helped.
Good luck.
(:
I tried the ole switch a rue once on my best friends mom. My friend and I have been friends for almost 40 yearts. I had always called his parents Mr and Mrs D. One day, uninvited, I called Mrs D by her frist name. The hurt look that she shot me with said “don’t ever do that again”. So Mr and Mrs D it is until they say otherwise.
I grew up in the day and taught my kids that you NEVER call an adult by their first name unless they tell you to. ALWAYS…address them by Mr. and Mrs.
I am 61 and STILL call my parents friends by Mr. and Mrs. It is respect.
I know that sounds strange to this generation who grows up calling adults by their first name..but that shows you are equal to them. I guess you could say after a while you are …but they are still your elders and you respect that.
I guess I grew up with German and Yugolsavian Grandparents who demanded respect ! It was what they were taught and what we were taught.
Considering how rude and out of control the youth are today …they can stand to have SOME manners and show some kind of respect. I am NOT saying you are rude…but you have to hold all people to the same thing to get that respect across the board.
With today’s youth so blatantly rude…telling people off …cussing and using the F word etc…we have lost a lot of self respect and respect to others along the way. We have lost that ability and gift to be tolerant and learn that you have to think more than one way and see the big picture.
If holding people to showing respect to each other by using a small consideration in addressing them…it is a start.
Even my children…40 and the twins are 37…they still call people Mr. and Mrs. unless they are told NOT to. Not their generation…but older people.
They even call my sisters and my husbands family…Aunt and Uncle….I even call my husband’s relatives Aunt and Uncle. I would NEVER call them anything else.
I call all of my friends parents by their title then their first name. Example: Mrs. Kathleen
NEVER. It’s never ok; to do that UNLESS they insist you call them by their first names. If so, we ALWAYS put a MS in front of their names such as Ms. Jane and Mr. Joe. Good Luck!
I called one of my best friend’s mom Mrs. and my bff and her brother (my bff has downs and her brother is several yrs younger) immediatly corrected me with, “NO! That’s mom!” lol. So for years I called her Maaaama. lolz
The whole purpose of manners is so we feel comfortable around each other and don’t make others feel awkward. I agree with most people here, but also wanted to bring a different perspective.
I’m a teacher and for 3 years I taught at the high school I graduated from. There were still several teachers there who I had while in high school. Regardless of the age, any new people I met were automatically “John” “Laura,” “Trey” etc. Among teachers that just normal. But, if I had been in their class in high school I couldn’t bring myself to call them by their first name. They never corrected me on it, either.
On the other side of that coin I grew up calling my friends’ parents by their first names, just as they called my parents by their first names. Maybe it was the blue collar Texas town, but everyone seemed fine with that. Therefore it came as a shock when I got to college and some of my new friends’ parents weren’t thrilled when I just went for calling them by their first name. So, I learned to ask the friend first, what I should call them. Especially if a person introduces themselves by their first name it is okay.
The lesson: call people what will make them feel happy and comfortable. Just because you may be young and hip doesn’t mean the person you’re talking to is.
i can speak from personal experience that once my neices dropped the ‘aunt’ when they turned 18 without me telling them to that a level of respect went with it. they are not that much younger than me because their mother is my half sister, but i remember feeling very hurt when one of them told me one day that whenever i came to visit i was notorious for not cleaning up after myself. not only was this not the case, because out of repsect for my sister i always ask to help with cooking or clean up, but i really felt she was completely out of line. it took something for me not to put her in her place, becuase my sister should be the one to address this with her. i made mention of it to her and left it at that. but still, i think those titles are in place for a reason- lest we forget that elders are to be respected, and also so that young people don’t make the mistake of thinking they know everything and failing to take advantage of the life experience and wisdom available to them.
It’s funny how that works. Having been raised by my grandparents and grand uncle (that is GRAND uncle, by the way, not GREAT uncle…mother, grandmother, great grandmother = uncle, grand uncle, great grand uncle)…I was always taught to call elders by Mr./Mrs. and their surname. My cousins from down south called my grandmother “Grandma (first and last name)” which I thought was HYSTERICAL. I never called my aunts “Aunt so-and-so” but do refer to them that way when speaking to others about them. My great grand aunts were “Tante so-and-so”; the German term for aunt. However, I don’t remember calling my friends’ parents anything. One friend’s mom had everyone call her “mom” and with 12 other children in the house (yes, all one family) that’s all she was trained to hear I guess. My mother….ohhhh no! I remember a friend of mine calling her mom once and getting, “I am not YOUR mother”…oops! I still can’t bring myself to call my mother-in-law “mom” because my own is still alive but have an easier time calling my father-in-law “dad”; actually “Pap” as it just seems to fit…but not often.
You call anyone older than you Mr or Mrs until they tell you to do otherwise. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says to do, if the elder doesn’t tell you, they are called by their title, like Mr or Mrs
I’m from Europe, and I grew up calling all my friends’ parents and teachers by their first names, that’s just what we do where I’m from. I think the whole no first name thing is a wee bit ridiculous, but since it is taken pretty seriously here I call everyone by their formal names until asked to do otherwise.
Usually, if I’m calling someone Mr or Mrs it’s because I don’t know them enough to know their first names. For example- I’ve known two friends the same amount of time, but I see one’s parents more. So, instead of Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe, (names changed, obviously) I call them Dave and Cathy. However, while it is unusual to call almost anyone Mr. and Ms. here in the Northwest (even some of my profs I know by their first name) I know it’s vary much a regional thing. If I was to ever go back East to where my Father’s parents are, it would be Mr This and Mrs That.
im from philippines, whenever we go to our classmates house or friends, we always call their parents tito(uncle) and tita(aunt) as act of politeness. even if we talk to strangers who’s older than us, we call them mister or miss.. i dont really like the way the americans call their bf/gf parents by their name or even step parents, its rude..
It´s not just about rules, — it´s more about the way(right way) you feel… If you appear like MIKE here on yahoo answers…jusr because you are in less traditional,well,let´s say — state of mind!
I am Russian,in our culture everyone is called by the Name and Middle name…(formal) or just by Name(short name) – (informal),BUT…..i am still just and only Ella…even for my son and his friends and almost everyone i know,the way i look and act,i mean — i am not like……………manymanymany around me an i am proud to look and feel so young,everyone is different and i am always respectful with everyone i know,it looks like everyone is….changing and i am still the same! In your case,i think you should use the same …way,i mean — Formal… YOU,or try …our Russian Style — by Name and Middle Name!
Ella
p.s. our Middle Name is always a Dad´s Name,so be careful¡¡anyway!
You seriously had to BLOG about this?
…
I never call my friends’ parents Mr and Mrs. I call them Aunty (first name) and Uncle (first name). I’m not sure why, but I prefer it to Mr and Mrs. It’s not as formal but you still show proper respect.
NOT NICE BUT VERY BAD
Hi Mike, I think it is impolite to call your friends parent by their first name, Me and my friends have inside jokes so when I go over by bff’s house we call her mom, mom in Spanish. My other friends i try to avoid calling them anything i just say excuse me or is say Mrs.Whatever or Mr.Whatever
They say Filipinos are one of the nicest and polite and humble people in the world nowadays.
Here in the Philippines, we call our friends parent by,
auntie and uncle. or sometimes Kuya / ate (filipino term address older siblings) or if they are really old lolo or lola (filipino term for grandfather and grandmother).
Although sometimes if the parent themselves insist that you call them in certain ways or in their first name thats when we call them that way. especially if they are very close to the parents.
thats one factor why i’m proud being a filipino.
It depends on the person. I have a weird habit of making up semi-formal names. Ms. Dale and Neighbor Dave were a couple who I lived next to. They introduced themselves as Dale and Dave, but I added Ms. and my brother added Neighbor… So eventually the whole street had semi-formal names. A few of my teachers also like to be simply called by their first name.
Its 2009, get with the program.
I call my friends parents HOMIE GEEEEEE.
I have not ever thought it proper to call any of my friends’ parents by their first names. Nor do I encourage my children or grandchildren’s friends to call my wife and I by our first names.
The honorific of “Mr” “Miss” “Mrs” or Ms” is just that; a gesture of respect. To call any of my parent’s friends by their first names(even if they encouraged) it would be frowned upon by most of the parents that reared my generation.
This “modern” day thinking of “oh I’m not that old to be called Mr. or Mrs just call us Harry and Sally” has probably lead to the whining of how”kids these days don’t have any respect” How can they when you have told them to place you on their level? They will have less respect for you than they have for their friends.
When I was growing up all adults were Mr. or Mrs or Miss (sorry, no “Ms.” back then) Very close long time friends were given the title”Uncle” or “Aunt” In the South we would even use the Godparents’ terms of “Nanan”for females and “Parent” (pronounced ‘Pa-ran”) for men.
No one thought it was strange and it was considered a gesture of respect and affection.
Several of my children’s friends call my wife and I “Mama” or “Mother” and ‘Pops” or ‘Dad” and we love it. They feel close enough to us to use those terms and they chose to do so on their own.
Additionally our children were reared the same way we were. I hope their children will carry on that tradition of respect into the next generations.
I am 59. I am older than my doctor, my teachers, and most ministers. The neighbor kids call me,”Miss Lottie,” my granddaughter calls me “G-Ma” and my friends call me Lottie. If someone dares to call me by my first name without asking, I call him his first name, too (like my doctor.) Otherwise, I am Ms. Last name or Miss Lottie. I call my boyfriend’s parents by their nicknames, only after they asked me to. I call my son’s girlfriend, Evangeline, not Evie, as he does.
It is about respecting a person’s identity and status. If you owe them respect, give it gracefully. If you don’t, do your momma proud, and give it anyway. It is more a reflection of you than of the other person. Showing disrespect is tacky. Being overly courteous is not a bad thing. In this inflated ego time we live in, humility is refreshing.
My daughter use call me Mr.B*** I told her that she was a working person now Bob was ok. In other words your grown up and working now.
Mike,
You do what’s comfortable for you and the parents.
Don’t let these pompous people tell you what THEY think is right. It’s merely right in THEIR minds.
In my opinion, you’re exhibiting more class and respect by asking our opinion, than the people who are criticizing you, and calling names.
You are your own person. Do what’s comfortable for both you and the parents in question.
Nice blog!
meloling – Seriously? Jesus’s last name is Christ. Please tell me you were joking.
To answer your question, Mike, I agree with a lot of the people here that you need to call people what they wish to be called. In my opinion, if they do not introduce themselves, you should first call them “Mr. (Last Name)”. Then again, if they do not introduce themselves, they’re technically the ones being rude.
It also depends on where you’re from. I went to a French high school in New Brunswick where all the teachers insisted on being called either by first name only or “Mr/Mrs First Name”. So it really all depends on the individual person.
This is interesting, I hadn’t thought about it until I moved to the deep south where Maam and Sir were the big things (I couldn’t get over that one). Adults who were (socially) below you (their opinion, not mine) called you Mr. Mrs. First Name
I was always taught that it is Mr. or Mrs. X until you are told otherwise. I suppose it was ingrained with teachers, doctors, etc. In fact I just thought of it and I always call my doctor, Dr. Y instead of Mike. Just the way it is.
I did run into a parent of a kid I went to school with and I instinctively called her Mrs. R. She corrected me and I started using her first name.
This isn’t a case of being beneath someone, or not being equal. I think it is a generational politeness thing. Maybe as the years go on this will change, and if it does so be it, and maybe I will solomly weep for the good old days when children were respectful. Maybe I won’t.
You said that you feel uncomfortable with addressing them the way you do. Their generation was used to that form of addressing – yet we know they have also seen enough in their lifetime to know that first names is more common now. What you must do is find a not threatening time to ask them if it is okay to call them by their names.
…Take a deep breath…
the first one is right you never call your friends parents or other elders by their first name unless they tell you other wise. this is a matter of respect of the elsers i as a child called the older folks across the street ma and pa but they were my parents best friends and i concidered them my grandparents. or in the south we called them by their names with miss laura or mr bill lol
but if i were you just have your friend ask their parents if you can call them by their name simple as that
My best friend is a sometimes-too-polite-person so sometimes it gets on my nerves when she insists on calling my parents Mr. and Mrs. *******. It just annoys me. For gosh sakes, she’s 12! I prefer to call all non-related adults by their first names unless specificly requested that I don’t.
my friends all called my mom mom or Geo. With my friends parents I went with what felt right. Usually it was a first name basis. Shelly and Walt, Rod and Wendy ect. However, if they were boyfriends or male friends I wasn’t close to I stuck with Mr. and Mrs. so and so until they gave me permission to do otherwise. I think in the end it depends on your relationship with the family, if they treat you like their kid, then they generally don’t care if you treat them like your parents.
I do call my unknown elders sir or ma’am though, especially if it is at a large gathering where remembering last names gets tricky. Regardless Sir and Ma’am sounds better to me, but I’m not in the south and people tend to think your’ being too proper.
Well i would suggest asking if you can call them by their first name.
To be honest though i don’t have any experience of this.
I don’t know if its just me but where i live in england it is rare to call someones parents mr or mrs something.
If its people i don’t know it is usually sir etc or in school.
I have never called a friends parent by their surname, its either hello/goodbye thankyou etc with no names involved or when i’m introduced to them they say hi i’m loraine sam’s mum etc.
So i can’t say ive had that problem.
Since i’m bad with names anyway( we had a foreign student with us for 3 weeks and i didn’t know it) i stick to not using names.
Generics like hi.
Unless i’m refering to someone to someone else i find i don’t need names.
Now i’m an adult i have the same method, either by first name or do not use a name. But i suppose different cultures.
Sorry for the rant, just ask them if its okay to call them by their first name.
I have to add one more thing, by separating peoples standing in life by age you separate a lot fo people who should be equals.
I have many friends in the army serving in afganistan (only 18) and one of thems best friend is 36/7, now he is a generation older than my mate so by some of these peoples answers he should adress him mr?
That is absurd, i have met some of the unit and even the ones he is not so friendly with, when they are not on duty regardless of age or rank are called by their first name.
I have never understood this mr & mrs thing.
It does not signify respect it only serves to massage some people ego.
4 year olds call people by their first name, it is in no way disrespectful to refer to someone by their given name, it merely identifies them as a person rather than the embodiment of a whole family.
im an adult and i keep the same respect for my elders
I agree with the ‘whatever and whenever the elder generation decides.’ My only problem is that I live in America, where it’s Mr. And Mrs., but am occasionally in contact from people from my country (Bangladesh), which creates a problem because saying Mr. and Mrs while i’m speaking another language is weird, and i should be saying ‘mama’ (uncle) or ‘mami’ (aunt). But since I’m not used to saying that, since I’ve grown up here where aunt blah and uncle blah are blood-related, by default, I call them by their given names. And since I’m just 17, that’s disrespectful. Trying to change that, not exactly succeeding.