Ask Mike: Giving the Perfect Toast
Hey Guys,
It isn’t as important as the bride or groom saying their “I do’s” on cue, but the best man’s toast does have a lot riding on it. The goal is to give a speech that doesn’t inspire sarcastic laughter or outright boos from the guests. Alas, achieving this seemingly modest objective isn’t always so easy.
I asked the Yahoo! Answers community for help in coming up with the “perfect toast” and received a variety of responses. Rule number one, it seems, is to keep it short. Several folks wrote that it is far better to leave the audience wanting more than to drone on and on about “that one time you went backpacking and forgot the granola bars.”
Other tips from the community that are worth repeating…
1. Be sincere. Sarcasm, however well intentioned, can seem ugly at a wedding.
2. Tell a quick story about how either you and the groom or how the groom met the bride. If you can swing it, throw in a slightly embarrassing (but not too embarrassing) story about the groom. Just remember to keep it G rated and don’t mention the bachelor party.
3. Wrap it up with how the groom is “happier and more complete” now that he’s found his one and only. But don’t overdo it. As bwaylvr99 puts it, you probably shouldn’t say the pair is now “perfect,” because it won’t sound real.
4. If you’re nervous about public speaking, don’t try to be funny. As several responders wrote, it’s very difficult to be funny if you’re obviously on edge. If you suspect you won’t be able to pull it off, stick with a more straight-forward and sincere toast. You may not get the laughs, but at least you won’t get pelted with tomatoes.
What about you? What’s the best wedding toast you’ve ever heard? What made it so great? Got any good resources on how to write the perfect wedding toast? Please leave a comment below and share the knowledge.
See you at the buffet,
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Hi,
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One day, while I was surfing yahoo web, I found there there is no yahoo site in gloval yahoo. I REALLY wonder the way it is. I tried to konw the reason personally and I could get the reasonable guess.
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All the weddings toasts I’ve heard were lame and corny and pretty much the same. I’d actually like to ban them from my wedding. I’ve told our wedding party not to worry about it, I just hope no other guests feel the need to do one.
Best one I ever came up with with was. “My they have health, wealth, happyness and children—-not necessarily in that order.”
just understand your problem after you get the answer
I think one of the best “movie” wedding toasts was given by Hugh Grant in 4 weddings and a funeral.
It was funny and still very sincere. I suggest watching that scene for a little inspiration.
Good luck!
ps…. don’t be nurvous… just be sincere.
hi.
I think the best speech i ever heard was at my big sisters wedding. It wasn’t the best man who wrote it, but my dad. He totally winged it (although i don’t recommend this) and it worked pretty well. He just told some funny moments in my sisters life and how it made her unique. (This was funny! =)) Then he said how sad he was to let her go, but he was happy she found the right man. He finished off, how her husband was a lucky guy and he had to “take care of her” Finished! it was extremely good, sad, and funny. That was one of the best speeches i’ve ever heard. (and it wasn’t even that long!)
Here is a toast I like:
Wherever you go and whatever you do, remember always, you are together and love binds you. May life mark you as special and bring all its precious gifts to your door. May never a single trouble darken your path, nor life’s rain dampen your spirits. Walk proudly in the sun, you are together and there is none other quite like you two.
One of the best toast I have used is the following.
May your marriage be like a bottle of fine wine and grow better each and every year.
I gave a toast at my brother’s wedding. It is my proudest moment. A couple ground rules.
1) Compliment the bride
2) Lists are fun and easy to listen to
3) Avoid cliches. The “upper hand joke” is done to death.
4) You can add a little sexual humor, but it has be very, very subtle. If you’re in doubt, leave it out.
5) Above all, know where you’re going with it and keep it short. Brevity is the soul of wit and the worst toasts I have ever heard were the long ones.
Here’s what I did:
When were kids my brother used to jump off the roof into mattresses in the front yard. So I laid out some rules for his new wife about how to do this:
1) “Dress for the jump, but from the looks of it, you know this because you look great.”
2) “Don’t put all your mattresses in one spot because the wind could knock you off course.”
3) “Hold onto each other because you never know when one of you could wind up in the gutter and if you’re holding on tight, everything will work out okay when you hit the mattress.”
i actualy wrote my grooms speech today ..
a few quotes from it are …
to put my nerves about making this speech into perspective,
this is the 5th time this afternoon that I have risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand
Thank you for all your wonderful gifts. I can’t tell you how much they mean to us –
but I should have a better idea after the honeymoon, once I’ve spoken to the pawnbroker
I will shortly be handing over to Dan. But unlike many best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo,
he has promised me that if there is anything slightly risqué, he will whip it out immediately.
Hi,
Just wanted to thank you for this blog!!!
I have my brother’s wedding coming up in 2 weeks and am the best man/woman (I’m his sister) and have been putting off writting the speech as havent a clue what to say. I’ve only ever been to one wedding and the best man in that ending up rather drunk as he was so nervous and didnt really do a speach as everyone felt sorry for him lol.
After reading this, it has given me an idea of at least where to start and to keep it short.
So once again thank you to you all!!!
You made me remember a story about my friends John and Linda’s wedding years ago. The best man (John’s brother Bob and his wife Myra) were not seated at the dais for some reason. They were at my table, and they kept sneaking out into the parking lot every 15 minutes. I think they were doing coke.
Anyway, when it came time for Bob to give his toast, he was fairly wrecked, but he did all right until he said “And in conclusion, I hope John and Myra will be very happy” and the bride’s relatives all yelled “LINDA!” at him.
Keep in mind when giving a toast, you are the *last* to take a sip from your glass. If you drink first, that’s not proper, and a bit of an insult.
I haven’t been to that many weddings, but one speech I remember vividly was the one made by my grandfather at my mother’s second wedding. I was 9 at the time, and when my mom told me she was going to marry this guy, I had told her in confidence that I wasn’t so thrilled about it because even though this man was very fun and always taking us places, I thought if he came to live with us he might not be so fun anymore. Later I came to realize how good it was for everyone, and I was happy for them. I was sure my mother would never tell anyone about my doubts, since I had asked her not to.
Then came the speech given by the bride’s father. Grandpa went up there with the mike and said, “When my eldest granddaughter heard that ‘Mary’ and ‘Nelson’ were getting married, she was a little upset, you know?” Then came the punch line. “Because dads aren’t fun!” Everyone was laughing their heads off. I was sure they were staring at me. Being so young at the time I didn’t get the joke, so I was horribly embarrassed thinking that he was making fun of me. My mom told me she was mortified when she heard his speech, and now, years later, she still asks me to forgive her for breaking her promise. Now I get the joke, and I don’t feel so miserable about it, but every time we play the wedding video, I always leave the room around the time of that speech.
So MAKE SURE that your speech won’t embarrass or offend anyone, and if there is a little amusing something in there, make sure it’s OK with the subject of the joke. Otherwise you could unknowingly scar them for years to come. Because a wedding should be a joyous event, not one you want to forget.
Over the 4th of July, I was matron of honor in a wedding and asked to give a speech. I put a lot of work into it and was ready. I do quite a bit of public speaking so it wasn’t as nerve-racking as it for other people.
The best man went first and gave an incredibly good speech. I wasn’t sure how mine would compare after his.
When it was over, the best man and I had droves of guests coming up to us to tell us that they were the best wedding speeches that they had ever heard.
So, not to use this as a boasting opportunity, but as a help to others, here are some more tips.
1. Clear any subject of humor with the bride and/or groom ahead of time.
2. Do not use any profanity, sexual references or say anything that would be unseemly coming out of the mouth of a five year old. You will only make people uncomfortable. It’s not appropriate to do so, and it’s not funny.
3. Keep it no longer than five minutes.
4. Do not use something that sounds like an Irish Blessing, something flowery out of a quote book, or something you looked up on the internet.
5. Have a theme or message for the speech just as you would for any other speaking event. My theme was “Friendship that grew into love”. I related short stories of my observations of the bride falling in love with the groom as their friendship based on mutual interests grew into something more.
6. Relate one personal story that directly ties you to the wedding party member. If no one at the wedding really knows you (friend not family for instance), be certain to introduce yourself at the beginning and say how you know the bride and groom to give the audience an understanding of your perspective.
Wow are u married and yes i agree with u
I gotta go with a movie reference: Steve Buscemi’s toast (playing “the groom’s brother David”) in The Wedding Singer: bad. Adam Sandler’s toast (playing “Robbie the wedding singer”): good. But try not to bust out with “Love Stinks” when you’re drunk and depressed. Robbie wasn’t always right.
I agree. Just remember the 3 S’s: Short, Sincere, and Sober. Here’s a Best Man speech that I gave recently:
http://www.squidoo.com/BestManSpeechExample
I like tip #4 alot. Great article
http://www.thewebtechreviews.com
I’ve attended 3 weddings but never gave a toast.
be at yourself, feel the essence of love between yOu and her. act simple… stare her like nobody can. She’s all yOurs!
Don’t congratulate the happy couple on the impending birth of their baby during the wedding toast (yes, this did happen at a wedding I attended and no, the pregnancy was not common knowledge).
My favorite toast was…May the best days of your past, be the worst days of your future! That about sums it up…
I was at a wedding many years ago when the best man gave a wonderful toast, and he finished the toast, raised his glass, and instead of the brides name, gave the name of the grooms previous girlfriend. So here’s my advice, give a wonderful toast, but please, make sure you know the names of the bride and groom.