Nice to meet you. How about a kiss?
Photo by Piez
Like a lot of people, I worry about first impressions. Is my handshake firm enough? How about the amount of eye contact—is it too much, or too little? But when introduced to my roommate’s friend the other day, I wasn’t prepared for what came next: She leaned in for a kiss.
At least that’s what I thought. She brought her face close to mine and turned her head slightly away. Playing it cool even though I had no idea what to do, I followed her lead. As she gracefully blew a kiss past me without the slightest physical contact, I planted a loud, wet smooch on her cheek.
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of my hand hitting my forehead. At least I didn’t get her on the lips. But what if I had turned my head the wrong way? Here’s the deal: I have no problem with the kiss greeting. What gets me is the lack of consistency. Do you kiss one cheek or both? Or is it three kisses? Which cheek is first? Do you air-kiss or actually make contact? And what do you do with your arms? A hug seems too intimate, but keeping your hands by your sides just feels wrong.
It would be one thing if the problem were simply a matter of national or cultural differences. But even people from countries where kiss greetings are common admit that there are no consistent rules. What’s the point of discussing etiquette if there are no rules?
My fellow Answerers, please help. Can you suggest some general guidelines for kiss greetings?
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I’ve never been kissy-touchy with people other than family.
I usually hold back and touch cheek to cheek (once).
I have been surprised by a bear hug here and there.
But I kind of like them,
Loved the way you described it. You would think anything to do with etiquette would be specific. Emily Post where are you when we need you.
That’s really, really funny.
I’d go for compliant but safe by doing a little air-kiss myself. You’ve thus expressed comparable response and intimacy with risking going overboard.
Don’t worry– a cheek-kiss is never TOO much (one, both, or three)– and now you have an even better plan for next time. : )
I’ll be in France in a couple of weeks for the first time. I don’t plan to kiss anyone, though, unless they look like the want to do it first– in which case I’m still opting for the minimal air kiss. : )
Bon chance!
some just get turned on by beauty.
Ew. We don’t have kiss greeting in our culture, and even handshaking is (religiously) inappropriate to some. This is the problem we have got: You’re are not aware of whether the person who you’re extending your hands to shake is too religious and will rebuff it, or whether will accept. Because of that, when I’m introduced to someone, I try to stand back with hands in pockets or behind back, for safety reasons of course.
I live in the Middle East, where its a culture to greet people with a kiss. Its never the case when a man meets a woman, only if its a woman greeting a woman or a man greeting a man.
What you’re supposed to do, is somewhat of an air kiss. Minimal contact is OK, but not a whole lot – that’s just awkward!
How many kisses you ask? Its generally, one on each side of the face, but locals of Arabia insist that there is no rule, and the number of kisses just indicates how amorous you feel towards the other person. So, for example, when a grandma meets her grandchild, she might kiss her once on one side, and three, four, even five times on the other side. But if you’re meeting with a person for the first time, the general rule I follow is to do it once on each side. However, you can tell by the body language of the other person, if she decides to go in for a second, third time. This almost always happens for the other side tho. So, the first side is always one kiss.
It was really amusing for me to read about how confused you were about where your hands should be. Its so natural for me now, to know where they go, I had to practice with my mom before writing this! What most people do, is: shake hands, while holding the other person’s hand, lean in for the side kiss and with their other hand, give the person a partial hug. That way, its not a complete hug, so you’re not smothering the other person, and its not too awkward either. Its kinda how guys do it, when they shake hands they just sort of hug while still holding hands in the handshake position as an act of friendliness.
Hope that clears it for you!
Latinos, always kiss, just one
Canadians, Never kiss
Americans, I still can not figure that one out, I guess it all depends from where they are, I never ger it right with americans
Rest of the world, I dont know, My slovak and polish friends do it with two kisses
I avoid too much contact- the less the better.
Here are the rules (in my book, at least)
When doing the air kisses- go to the left first. the other person holds on to you for that extra second, it means they expect you to do it the other cheek too. Usually, if you do it more than once, it means you should do it three times.
Hi and it is a really cute picture.
very funny. lol. very continental.
I prefer no kissing at all. Real or air kissing. A handshake should suffice in any greeting. I have never heard of a hard and fast rule as to which side first, one or two, or any of it. I think it’s cultural, and as such, you never know what you’re gonna get!
As far as I can tell, the conventions vary greatly. The Swiss in Geneva definitely do three kisses, whereas I believe in Paris they usually do two kisses. But, no contact – no one wants to have to wipe up someone else’s saliva just to say hello, after all.
¿Jeremy?!
Hello..
With all the defferences in the World — it is more about Etiquette,Personal Etiquette….Education!
(except for people in love)…
¡It is all about good manners — less physical is always better! (Ella)
Here in Argentina, it’s a handshake (formal) or a slight kiss (informal, even between two male friends), or why not, a bear hug (LOL).
Most foreigners are shocked by the general degree of physical contact between people… but after a while, they like it (and I bet they even miss it when they go back home).
I have a French neighbor and he always greets us with two kisses, one on each cheek (I never noticed if one of the cheeks should go first…). The Americans I’ve met are usually quite happy with the local handshake or kiss, so I’m not sure what they do at home.
I certainly know that there a few people from YA who I’d like to hug if I met them
I’m Mexican American and kissing is VERY common in my culture. With close family its a hug and actually kissing their cheek but with distant relatives its putting your hands on the others shoulders and going cheek to cheek and kissing the air. Sometimes even family friends will reach in for a kiss but its usually a cheek to cheek deal.
depends on the culture your dealing with
This is funny. I feel that handshakes are the best thing in terms of greeting. I don’t know about other people, but yeah, I think kisses are awkward. Being from Middle-East Asia, I don’t really like hugs either. Hugs are supposed to be for people you really know…like relatives. Friends don’t really hug where I come from. Anyway, cultural barriers are something you just have to get used to, I guess.
this is thing that sounds like it really has to be almost “second nature”.
my personal space goes out a few feet also.
another cultural thing?
Irish Catholic….
Irish don’t strike me as touchy feelie
who knows
world needs civilized flourishes
like Audrey Hepburn
Haha good question. I’m probably the most Americanized people on the Portuguese side of my family, and I have this problem all the time, because the cheek-kiss is always their greeting.
Usually with the cheek-kiss greeting, i see which way the other person goes first gracefully follow suit, then switch for the second kiss on the other cheek.
The arm thing is also a bit of a hassle, but I’ve found that a frendly hold on the person’s hand or arm seems to work pretty well.
And last of all, I usually go for the minimal contact kiss. I dunno, it just seems more friendly than a kiss planted right on the person’s cheek.
Wow… guess I never really thought about it before, but the only people I ever greet with a kiss are family, usually my mom, my cousin, and her little girl… but, those are usually actual kisses, just pecks on the lips, always followed by or preceeded by a good hug. Then, of course my husband, but that’s a given. handshakes seem to be normal custom around here, midwest US. If it’s between adults that are very close, you may hold your other hand over the other person’s hand in the handshake, but that’s about as informal as it gets. A kiss, even one on the cheek, would be EXTREMELY out of place in the workplace here. Close friends usually get a one armed hug, unless it’s from little kids, in which, i’m used to just picking them up in a big hug.
good topic!
What you would do in that si tuation is say “I’m sorry, I’m not to good at greetings, so can you please tell me what I should do?” She might laugh, but in the end she’ll tell you. I would say that before anything else.
I’m from Costa Rica, and we also greet with kisses here (though only with girls if you’re a man or between girls).
As you probably know, in most latin-american countries where you greet with this way, you kiss only one cheek (the right one). I suggest just touching cheek with cheek and kissing the air as this is considered proper and polite (I’ve heard people complaining about other people kissing their cheeks)
Sometimes it’s really tedious to have to kiss a person just to say hi, especially if it’s more than 2 people or at workplace…or people might take it the wrong way if you don’t kiss them one day or something like that.
Personally I’d like greetings to become standardized to a wave, handshake or bow (I love to bow, it’s polite and hygienic, I do it even though it’s not practiced here) cause kisses tend to be a cause for many awkward situations.
i think its cool, some people like to show some love. How you described it sounds tight.
I forgot to mention what to do with your arms. A hug is indeed too personal, so I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re really close to the person.
What I like to do is put my hand softly (but quickly) on the girl’s right shoulder (since I’m kissing their right cheek) or a little behind it, as I lean to kiss her, and, depending on the person and/or situation, give one or two slight pats.
I think it’s a smooth way of showing warmth and friendliness without hugging the person.
Well here in Serbia, it’s very common thing to do. Only when meeting people we handshake. After that its always a kiss. With girls its like a both sided kiss, i kiss her cheek and she kisses mine. With guys its common as well, i kiss all my buddies with a some kind of a high five but more like a low five. LOL it ain’t gay, it actually looks gangsta.
Kiss the left first, then the right and then again the left.
Liked the way you wrote.
A nice, tender and delicate kiss in the hand will be a dreaming and exciting sensation for both women and men!
It’s like a mysterious way to approach without leaving a clue, leaving it to the imagination!
To me, everybody does different things when coming to meet other people. I usually settle for a hand shake.
hiii my namme is makayla ive never kissed any one before
hiii my namme is makayla ive never kissed any one before
lol,akward
It’s so nice that yall can chat up a freakin storm on your own site, yet everyone else gets booted.
When in Rome . . .
Personally, I hate it when guys crush my hand in a “friendly” handshake (I’m a guy who believes “firm” does not mean “vice grip”). Due to problems with carpal tunnel syndrome, I have taken to wearing a wrist brace, which gives most of the boors a big hint, but you’d be amazed at how many continue to crush! Worse, when I ask them to let go, they maintain their grip and ask “Why?” For those louts, I respond by kicking them where it hurts (why? because they get their jollies by my having to say, “You’re hurting me”; believe me, they never do it, again, at least not to me!).
As for hugs and kisses, I am very much against any breaking of personal barriers, if only for sanitary reasons (how do I know that the person hasn’t just got over a major flu or poison ivy?). Of course, close friends and family are exceptions, and even then, there are individuals who prefer to be treated deferentially.
Good thing I’m not in Rome, eh?
A company I use to work for had a lot of dealings in Turkey, I was only 19 at the time when I went overseas with my father, who was second in command of the Engineering division and when I met the president of the Turkish company we shook hands and then kissed each other on both cheeks. I was told that it was a sign of trust and willing to do business but not as personal as a hug. Before I left the country we did a photo and there was the tight shoulder hug between people. I prefer a strong handshake for business professionals, or even the two hand shake after a major deal. Between friends, a handsake and side hug works. But as for kisses on the cheek or air kiss I follow the other;s lead if dealing with different cultures.
In Mexico (where I come from) we greet others with one kiss on the chick.
It’s simple. Put your right cheek on the other person’s right cheek and blow a soft kiss.
Blowing a loud one is considered rude.
I live in regular old midwest US, and I wish we had that type of familiarity and warmth here! Most people tend to prefer a handshake, or if they’re close friends or family a hug might be appropriate.
I do go to a French camp, though, and there they greet each other with two quick kisses, one on each cheek which is an imitation of what is done in France.
Otherwise, I’m clueless. =)
Kiss Greetings Done Easy!!!:
1) Place one arm lightly around the person.
You should barely touch them
2) Whichever way the person’s head moves, you move your head in the opposite direction toward their cheek.
3) Make your cheek touch the persons cheek.
4) Turn your lips slightly away from the person’s cheek an kiss!
This method works if you want to greet the person but not in a too-friendly way!
I really hope I helped!
Have a good one.
haha…
I have faced this problem, but am getting used to it.
My family greets with HUGS. But only each-other of course. If we’ve seen eachother recently, like that day, then it’s just a hello, never a handshake. If you’re really happy to see someone, expect a giant wet kiss and bear hug.
But when meeting or greeting others, usually just verbal. I avoid handshaking whenever possible, just for the sake of protecting myself from whatever their hands were just in…
Then I met my husband, and his family… they do the air-kiss thing. They twice-air-kiss each other, but me just once… I am afraid that the first time around, I simply stiffened… no handshake, no hug, no kiss. I was TERRIFIED!
It may have something to do with Catholic though, as I saw once before. They greet everyone they know with kisses!
I let the person I am meeting make the first move. Of course with women to women meeting anything goes.
Haha, thats a funny incident. I think that there are way too many people out there for a single guideline to be commonly held. However, in your situation, I would have said “oh, sorry.. I’m not used to this greeting” and laughed it off. I’m sure it would have been accepted as a simple mistake
I think you are very brave. It makes me thankful that I have no friends, but, I love to hear about others. Thank-you, (I have no idea about the answer to your questions).
Okay well what I do with my friend is we put our hands on eachothers shoulders and we press our cheeks together making the little kissing sound. Then we do the other cheek. That’s not how everyone does it but that’s how I do it. Hope that helps.
where i live, we have what we call “beso-beso” where two people kiss each others’ two cheeks. it’s usually done in (but not limited to) formal occasions when greeting close friends but rarely after being introduced to someone. it’s not a very common practice.
And if you ever come to the Philippines, don’t kiss a newfound friend on the cheek if he/she doesn’t kiss you first. ^^
Just go along with it lead the way. Everybody has a different way. Keep your hands where you want. Kiss one twice or even three you just have to go with it and act like your excited meeting the person!!!
lmao. wow.
well, you could either put your hands on her shoulder.
lightly.
anddd… dont worry.
just make sure you dont give another one of those
slobbery dog kisses again.
When meeting a girl for the 1st time, I let her do the first move. This way I don’t feel awkward and I cant screw up. If I see she wants to kiss me I lean in and wait. If I have enough time I’ll kiss back, if it’s too quick for me to respond, I don’t do nothing and just throw a quick smile to show my “appreciation” of her gesture, and the fact that I am happy to see her.
I never met a girl who got upset at me for not kissing or hugging her back, so either way I cant lose.
women usually kiss left cheek first and hands should go on the opposite persons bend of the arm. just lay then on top of the forearm where it meets the upper arm. The kiss is really just putting your cheeks side by side and making a kissing sound with your lips on thin air. One kiss is fine unless the person is going for more.
This is french
ROTLF! I can just see that happening! This is awkward. The one that gets me most often is the whole southern hug greeting thing. I have no problem with hugging. But I always wonder with men, are they going to want to hug? Or is a hand-shake OK? The wrong one either makes you look forward or stand-offish.
What should you do if the girl holds the hug a good five seconds, and proceeds with a wet kiss unexpectedly?
When I first moved to USA when greeting women I would give them a kiss on the cheek, it totally freaked them out. Now I can’t even kiss women of my own culture even though they are in USA, that’s because a lot of them have gotten used to no kissing so now
When I first moved to USA when greeting women I would give them a kiss on the cheek, it totally freaked them out (mostly Americans). Now I can’t even kiss women of my own culture even though they are in USA, that’s because a lot of them have gotten used to no-kiss meeting, it totally stinks because sometimes some women expect me to give em a friendly kiss on the cheek
Dominicans always greet each other with a kiss by their cheek, and hugs and kisses if they know each other, wherever they are. In Dominican Republic or in America. They do not at all shy away from their roots. The only time they do not greet each other with a kiss is when it’s two males which at that point they shake each others hands. I mean, would you shy away from magnificent beaches, delicious foods, and friendly people? But hey that’s just us.
Oh no!! lol That’s funny, but I understand, I’m used to such customs because I come from a hispanic culture.
But sometimes it still throws me off guard when some random person leans in, at first I would automatically lean back and away sort of of frightened, but it’s better now.
When that happens, if the other person was the one leaning in, you don’t have to do much, just stay where you are and kiss the air next to their cheek quietly. Maybe lean in a little just so you don’t look rude and tense. No actual mouth to skin connection generally happens, but I wouldn’t freak out too much because sometimes you do touch their cheek and it’s not a huge deal.
Stick to handshakes. You can’t go wrong that way unless you meet someone weird.
wow thats a hard anwerusually its the check that is on the right hand side i dont know it gets confusing don’t swet it girls are more nervise then guys are usually
Wow.. that must’ve been awkard.
Well, after living in the US for 7 years I got used to not greeting people on the cheek, but after I moved back to Mexico, I quickly picked up the custom again from my family.
Well as far as I know, and from what I’m used to, when your introduced to someone, you shake their hand, and kiss their cheek.
The thing is, when you shake their hand, you don’t actually shake it. You more like hold it.. (GENTLY!) And you keep holding it as you lean in for the kiss.
When you kiss, you don’t actually kiss their cheek (haha, make sense, much?). You move your head in the opppsite direction that they move it (usually right with right) and kiss the air softly.
It’s polite for a man to wait for the woman to make the first move. But like someone already mentioned, with woman to woman anything goes.
But all that’s just Mexican.
Depends on each persons cultures and customs. It’s just a matter of adapting to them.
no one cares
Well, for my two cents, about the arms. I dont leave them at my side; a light touch on one’s elbow or forearm isnt too intimate or awkward, I think. I think there are no rules for this sort of thing because one cannot possibly gauge every individual’s personal reaction or preference… which is also why I dont think you should feel so embarassed
I think the story’s rather cute
This sounds more complicated than it really is… just think of it like simple choreography:
Extend your right hand in handshake-fashion. When a handshake is established, cover the handshake with your left hand, and use your two-handed grasp to guide the other person toward you. When they are within range, lean to the left (or right – whichever you prefer, either is ok) slowly enough so the other person can follow your lead and lean in for an air-kiss. Using your hands (much as you would when dancing), either guide the person back to arm’s-length handshake stance or back toward you for an air-kiss on their other cheek.
Easy-peasy.
I kiss only good friends/family or European people who lean in…usually right cheek first and then left. No hug; I just kind of rest my hands on the person’s arms.
good
Back away and say ” what the “*@)$”. I’m an American, I don’t play that.
Relax. Learn to be yourself, trust your own emotions and react to the sitiation at hand. It can be just a verbal greeting in one situation and a kiss in another. It’s OK to be human. No need to turn into a machine and try to categorize it all.
in the uk as far as i know you just handshake in a friendly way (no vice grip but no limp slug either) and then if you got on well after you meet you hug to say goodbye. that’s for teenagers though. i’d say for more ‘mature’ (i don’t know how to say older without seeming offensive!!) ppl, a friendly handshake and a smile and a ‘nice to meet you’ will be non-invasive and also warm
hope that helps
the standard as far as most of the people ive met is your left cheek to the others left cheek
I accidently lip kissed this chick once because she did the opposite. that was one of the most awkward moments ever.
It depends on how comfortable you feel with someone.
If you are in a professional environment then obviously it’s best to keep it formal
If you are not in a professional environment then depending how close you are with someone or not, you will automatically feel weird if you hug and stuff.
Best thing is go with what you feel like doing ..
There is no rule!!! If you think about that too much, you won’t get too far (especially with girls, they like guys to be themselves).
You bring up a great point and I lllllove it.. I was laughing pretty heartily when I first read it.
Get this, I am a 27 year old guy living in the Southern US and from the time I started dating, my dad would always kiss my dates’ hand when I brought them home to meet the fam. Some were cool with it, some even flattered, but others were peeved at the act.
Let’s see you have that (hand kissing), the ass-out hug (man hug), and the air kisses. Yeah, it sucks when you land one on their cheek when they are just going through the motions, BUT like you said at least you didn’t get more awkward and go lip to lip.
I say just go with the flow, I would be surprised to have a man from around my part of the US greet me in that manner, but if a woman is doing it I don’t care if she is from the former Rhodesia now nation of Zimbabwe.. she can put any kind of kisses on the cheek and I will just follow her lead.
Here tanzania also we had that type of familiarity and warmth here! Most people tend to prefer a handshake, or if they’re close friends or family a hug might be appropriate.
I agree with the previous posts that indicate you have to “play it by ear”. I think the main thing is to remain relaxed, friendly, and ready for anything. Being embarrassed will make you react “weird”.
This directed to JIBBA….who is this mysterious “everyone else” who is getting “booted”? I don’t understand.
Personally, I would only kiss someone if I was greeting them in a friendly, non-formal and compassionate manner. However, I beleive handshakes are appropriate for a formal occasion such as a business meeting.
With regards to the right manner in kissing, I beleive a kiss on the right side of the cheek with your hands resting ever so-slightly on ladies arms is perfect. It is gentle and charming.
A handshake should be firm yet not too firm. It should be just hard enough to express your enthusiasm yet gentle to make sure you dont exert any physical harm upon the hand-shakee.
I am not the touchy-feely type but my family really wasn’t either. We greeted the older family members with hugs, period.
I have held strangers off by just holding their hands and giving them a smile & two handshake.(just hold both their hands close together) its a good manuever since it staves them off from hugs or air-kisses and saves you from getting germs.. bleh!
I had to put some thought into this, I lived in Chile for a year, and what i remember was the person intiating the greeting seems as though they started at the other persons right cheek, with a light or very near kiss, then left, and depending on how well they knew each other hands were either hand to arm, or shoulders..and as a general rule guys greeting guys were mostly handshakes
in my country,Romania we use to kiss up our friends when we meet and when we leave the group …we kiss on both cheeks….we are kissalicious people
)…we like to give and recieve lots of kisses cause that it’s a proove of affection ….usually when our group ghethers around and we are less girls than boys …the next girls who arrives kisses the girls first and than the boys…we kiss with the lips the other person on the cheeks…i also know that in Russia people use to kiss 3 times starting with the left cheek and ending with it …
I married into a European family. Women to women grasp the upper arms & kiss right, left, right (cheeks)…actual contact. Men to men, shake right hands & do not kiss. Men to women/women to men, hug then kiss right, left, right cheeks.
Very confusing at first, but after 7 years…i think I’m getting it! LOL
I am by nature not a touchy feely person. Which is weird considering my family is very invasive on personal space. I have a hard time with all of it. If I can get in & out of the family/friend events with only affection bestowed on the elders….that’s my plan!
I’ve got a friend who always goes in for a kiss it’s one cheek than the other. With family though, it’s usually a hug. If it’s a strange, I shake their hand firmly. I always let the other person do something first, and then I follow.
Right cheek, you sorta just push your cheek on theirs and make the kiss noise.
Oh god that sounds so bad on the internet xD
As for hands I usually just hold their arm lightly…..
In Orthodox Jewish circles, it’s somewhat customary at weddings for the groom’s friends (men) to greet him with a kiss on the cheek. Generally the left cheek: shake with the right hand, maybe put the left hand on the right shoulder for ease of kissing, and each kiss the other’s cheek at the same time. I’m not really sure what the bride’s friends do: I’ve never paid attention.
Just before they can do anything, simply hold out your hand to shake theirs, that way they don’t have their option.
A video for some humore abot this!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZkIkipxtIsI
A kiss?Simply plant your upper and lower lips on the right cheek first as if you want a print of the lips to show after the action.The depth and intensity depends on the responsive partner.Kisses,you should know,sends message of love OR lust!
A kiss?Simply plant your upper and lower lips on the right cheek first added with an embrace as if you want the print of the lips to show after the action. Kisses,you should know,sends message of love OR lust.
sweet
Too many comments to read but if someone gets to this one, this is how it goes… sort of
Always turn your face looking left so that both people’s right cheek comes in contact. Not too much that your ears are touching, just enough that the corner of your mouth is touching.
If you are in Canada, it’s one kiss. If you are in France, it’s both cheeks. If you are in the Caribbean, it’s one cheek. But there’s a “but”… If you meet the person for the very first time, no kissing required. But, it is expected in:
Certain parts of France,
You will kiss one cheek if you don’t know the person, then kiss twice after chatting with them.
Caribbean:
No kissing if you don’t know the person. One kiss after chatting.
Canada:
I don’t know what the Canadians do.
Safe thing to do? Let the native of the land go in first and always turn your face looking left.
Easy thing to do? In the US, I don’t kiss, don’t hug, don’t shake. In France I kiss twice. In the Caribbean I kiss once. In Canada once as well.
Good luck.
While it is largely a European tradition to greet people with a kiss(men and women alike) the best thing to do is to play it by ear. Sometimes it’s two air kisses(French or Italian) sometimes it’s three(Eastern European). It’s difficult to get used to but we’ll have to as the worls is becoming smaller all the time and we can’t expect eveyone else to adjust to us. As for where your hands go,place them gently on each shoulder and keep a respectful didtance between your body and theirs.
If the person happens to be close to your age or younger, greet them with a handshake, it doesn’t matter if they are male or female, that way no misunderstanding will occur. If the person is much older greet and you are a male and she is a female, greet them with a kiss. If you are a female meeting a male that is much older, then greet them also with a kiss. I am a hugger, so when greeting older ones whether they are male or female, I greet them with both a kiss a hug and a handshake.
Hee…I think it’s kind of a cute story myself. We have all made blunders when meeting someone for the first time, and most of us still make them at other points even when we know the person. I just had two examples of this last weekend:
I went up to Connecticut for my brother’s graduation. As I greeted him at baggage claim, I gave him a hug and was introduced to his new girlfriend. Since I am an affectionate person, I gave her a hug as well – plus, for some reason, I always feel awkward giving one person a hug and not everyone in the group… – she returned it warmly, and it immediately broke the “new person small talk” barrier and we began talking like old friends. If we had shaken hands, I think it would have kept that barrier for a while.
Later that weekend, I saw a friend of his (and I thought mine) who always gave me an enthusiastic bear hug at all times prior to this meeting. I went in for a hug, he halted me with his hands on my arms and gave me an air kiss…kind of annoyed me, really, because it felt awkward and slightly pompous. He then introduced me to his girlfriend, which may have been the “reason” for the distance, and she absolutely CRUSHED my hand in hers (I’m a girl but work in an office where I’ve learned the value of a firm handshake…but this was ridiculous).
So…weird greetings. I too wondered for parts of the weekend – we met a LOT of my brother’s roommate’s family members – what kind of greeting is appropriate.
I think you were fine.
I am here to solve your problems. First off, your over thinking it all.
1. Usually, its your right cheek and her right cheek.
2. You dont actually pucker up and kiss. Its an air kiss or a very very light kiss, but your cheeks do make contact.
3. Your right hand usually has no choice but to make some sort of contact with her. Just bring your right arm around her back and lightly touch her back, or the back of her right arm. It all happens so quick, that i actually had to think about where my arm usually goes.
4. Finally, if she’s hispanic of any kind, its just one simple peck. If she’s middle eastern, then there may be 2 pecks involved.
If you still feel uncomfortable, let her do all the work. Just bring your face close and make a smooch with your lips. Just dont actually kiss her. lol
This for you – what do you think
in my country everyone always does what you call “kiss greeting”. here are the rules: (im gonna call the person you’re greeting “the other”)
1) before the other can do anything stretch out your hand to shake. if you miss this one everything else is gonna be a mess. a kiss without a handshake is a total disaster lol
2) if the other shook your hand and came close for a kiss wait till it’s close enough so you’d be SURE it’s for a greeting kiss, then immediately come forward to do it
3) always do 1 “airy” kiss with no contact, or a kiss that you both have your cheeks touched while doing an “airy” kiss, it is usually the cheek on the same side of the hand shaking yours.
4) about what to do with your hands, you have one shaking while your other hand should be gently put laid on the others shoulder, the one he/she is shaking hands with you.
5) you shouldn’t at all take these things seriously, if any embarrassment happened just back away from whatever you’re doing and laugh easily, and forget about it at once.
I LIKE YOU
You don’t have to kiss back. If they want to kiss you, cool, but they’ll understand if you just stand there.
In the Mexican/Hispanic culture, you ALWAYS greet females with a kiss. You mainly greet the males with a handshake
First, when greeting a female, you touch your right cheek to the girls right cheek, and do a kissy sound. (So basically, an air kiss, since you don’t really kiss their cheek). If you know the girl well, you usually give her a hug during the kiss. If you don’t know the girl well, or are just meeting her, you just put your right hand on her shoulder.
Overall, if a girl ever goes in to give you a ‘kiss greeting’ as i call it, you should just give her a cheek to cheek kiss and put your right hand on the girl’s shoulder.
:]
haha! well well… the kiss greeting is what 90% of people around here use. i didn’t know it was confusing to others till a new australian guy joined the company & planted a wet one right on my cheek! man that was awkward…….
normally, you hold the person’s hand in a handshake or as if you just shook it, & just go ‘muah muah’ on the AIR next to the person’s cheek… like those aristocrats you see in kids movies. nobody wants to feel someone else’s slobbery saliva on their face.
as for the once, twice, or three times thing, that depends on the person & how they do it where they live, different cultures have different times, mine has 2, others have 3, when i have to to ‘kiss greeting’ someone, i just do it slowly to see if they pull me in for a third. but most people who do it, do it twice.
hope that helped….. & remember… KISS THE AIR, NOT THE CHEEK!
I am Hispanic and never realized until I went into a society that had no idea about Hispanic culture or any other besides their own for that matter that I learned that people have very interesting views on the ‘kiss on the cheek greeting’. At the new school I went to, because of it I was thought to be promiscuous, at my job, friendly. So..I just stick to the greeting with fellow Hispanics unless someone initiates it. Now the ‘kissing procedures’
My family does one time, it’s cheek to cheek, we press our cheeks against each other, or sometimes tilt our heads slightly so that the corner of our lips is on their cheek. We then kiss the air, to make a kissing sound. Sometimes people pull you in for a second kiss but that’s spur of the moment. Its kind of like the more kisses you give the more happy and loving you are. Now with friends and family I hug, with people I don’t really know I shake their hand while cheek kissing, or place my hand on their shoulder.
I think it’d be a whole lot easier if people just walked around wearing signs: “I kiss 3 times as a greeting.” “I don’t enjoy kissing as a greeting.” “I don’t initiate the kissing, but I will go along with it if you do it.” That would make it so much easier.Then the etiquette would be to go with the lower amount. (EG, a 2-kiss person and a 3-kiss person would only kiss twice.) Unfortunately, people view this as “labeling” and many would consider it prejudice, stereotyping, etc. in this day and age.
I personally don’t enjoy the kiss-greeting, and I tend to stay away from people known to do that. One of my great-aunts is notorious for this, so my older cousin and I spend entire family reunions hiding from her. =)
Oh boy can i relate! I have been in the states for 10 years now but i had lived in France for 6 yrs prior. When i first came here i had the habit of kissing people on the cheek multiple times when i greeted them but i took many people by surprise. Now i know… people mostly hug here and if anything- they kiss on the cheek once
but listen to this story. During the summer of 2007 i went to Paris to take a french course in order to brush up on my french. Ironically I stayed in a convent for the duration of the course (1 month). I was around nuns the whole time! I tried my best to give them the most respect and would always be courteous. Greeting each of them was not a problem except for this one nun. She would always come up to me and draw her face close to mine and so i thought that it was my cue to give her the two kisses on the cheeks. But when i approached to kiss her on the cheek she back away each time and acted totally confused. Maybe my breath stunk… but why didn’t any of the other nuns back away???? anyway… that was really embarrassing because she left me hanging and i felt totally embarrassed and it happened on more than on occasion. from that point on… i don’t care who i come across i’m either going for the handshake or giving them a hug… no more… unless they ask for it.
well, when I meet someone I give them a ‘lips to cheek’ kiss and I put my hand on their shoulder but only one hand, the other one I keep to my side. I Kiss only one cheek and to my close friend i give them a big hug!! Hope that helped
-stephy
I’m from a culture where a cheek kiss among women is common. But the number of kisses is inconsistent. I sometimes pull away after kissing both cheeks but then they kiss my cheeks three times. Sometimes they actually kiss my cheek, sometimes they air kiss. I wish there was a consistent rule!
How about we all learn not to “wet” kiss?
Haha that’s cute.. I usually hand shake and if they lean in for the case I return an AIR KISS..Simply touch cheeks with theirs but kiss the air.. =)
Well Buddy,
A girl kisses me, I do not ask questions.
LOL
ok then… i agree with the person above me:KISS THE AIR, NOT THE CHEEK!
It is popular in Europe (France especially) to do this among family and ladies. Im not sure how it started. Either way, if you are used to it, it turns into a casual type of thing that is not awkward. You dont think about you’re hands or how many time you air kiss eachother.
There arent any rules (although it would make it a lot easier). All I can tell you is to start with the left cheek. Stick with air kisses and not wet sloppy ones on the cheek. If theres gonna be any contact at all I’de stick to cheecks touching slightly.
If it’s formal and basically not casual at all it would probably make it easier (as far as your arms are concerned) to be shaking hands and then air kissing.
kiss the air. as for your hand, gently grasp the upper arms. it’s what they do in the movies and that’s what people really do… so… yep.
haha awkward emabarrasment man!
Just kiss the air..no big diggie.
I’ve traveled among Christians all over the US and especially Canada where they refer to the Bible literally about this:
1Cor 16:20 All the brethren greet you. Greet one another with a “respectful” kiss.
2Cor 13:12 Greet one another with a “respectful” kiss.
:13 All the saints salute you.
All the adults greet each other with a hug. I was corrected for using both hands to shake hands. A firm handshake is a meaningful greeting as opposed to a so-so greeting.
The men kiss the men. The women kiss the women. The married adults kiss each other but usually not the singles.
The children hug and touch cheeks with their parents and any visitors before they go to bed. I found the children embarrassing the first time I stayed with a Christian family.
An Italian family I stayed with in Boston advertised the virtues of their daughter in front of us all so the mandatory “kiss” in front of them was very embarrassing.
My husband’s friends are all from different cultures around the globe. And they all kiss.
It’s terribly confusing because I can’t keep them all straight as they each start on different sides, different number of times, only for greeting, only for leaving, etc.
I really appreciate my husband’s best friend who always said to me, “Now, remember. I’m the Italian. Two kisses. Start to the right.”
As a girl i would like to say we like the flirty kiss. which is basically one air kiss to the cheek. so you dont look to cocky or confident.
I feel your pain.
As a child, my family was never very intimate or “touchy”. Even casual hugs nowadays seem awkward and clumsy when I’m involved. As a rule, physical contact is rarely initiated by me.. Hmm, this issue may become a problem someday.